Some of us talk to God. It may be in the car as we drive to work, before we eat dinner, some even say "good morning" to God as they get up in the morning. Those sound positive where as sometimes people ask questions in a negative way when they can't believe God 'let' bad things happen in our lives. People don't usually think they get a reply. ;) and then there is a very small percentage who don't believe God exists at all. But wether you believe or not, what would you want to say?
I find myself blessed everyday which is actually funny cause I always have something to complain about.
If you had a chance to ask God anything and actually get a reply to your question or even hold a conversation where He talks back to you... what would you ask him?
lol!
Dawg and I were in church on the 19th and they had a missions spotlight about a bunch of
bikers that go to Sturgis for the Harley rally every year they give free bike washes and they pray
for the bikers.
  On Wednesday night the 1 percenters ride in to town; thats the Hell’s Angels and the Diablos and
you can feel an evil presence in the air. The Missions group had our church pray for them last
year and on Wednesday night, as the gangs were riding into town a huge storm vortex formed
over the town and knocked out the power in the whole town except for a cross in the center of
town.
yikes!
the Sturgis missions group saved 50 people this year.
There was an old lady who would come out every morning on the steps of
her front porch, raise her arms to the sky, and shout, "Praise the Lord!"
One day an atheist moved into the house next door. Over time, he became
irritated at the little old lady. So every morning he would step out onto
his front porch and yell after her, "There is no Lord!" Time passed with
the two of them carrying on that way every day. Then one morning in the
middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and
shouted, "Praise the Lord! Lord, I have no food and I am starving. Please
provide for me, oh Lord!" The next morning, she stepped onto her porch and
there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there. "Praise the Lord!" she
cried out. "He has provided groceries for me!" The atheist jumped out of
the hedges and shouted, "There is no Lord. I bought those groceries!" The
little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted, "Praise the Lord!
He has provided me with groceries and He
 made the devil pay for them!"
So this means no one liked my joke?
I liked it and used it on my web site as the today's Joke Of The Day. Thanks. I thought you should of put it in the Joke thread tho.
I was torn on witch thread to put it on.
I think it fit this thread just fine! don't listen to CM! ;p
I sent it to my friends and the JW's came to my door Monday and I even told it to them! hahahaha
the JW's came to my door Monday
I just answer the door in my underware and that's all the joking they can handle.
I just had this horrid vision of CM ripping off his clothing to answer the door,(shiver).
I just had this horrid vision of CM ripping off his clothing to answer the door,(shiver).
Become a JW ESD and you'll have your very own show.
I'll even save the 'special' fruit for when you go ding-dong.
;)
B-Day year Joe!
You gotta website?
All right, who's the wise guy?
I haven't had a JW to my door in years and all of a sudden I get one today. I thought about this thread as I was in the bathroom in my underware. I couldn't make it down quick enough though. My kid answered and they were already gone. Darn! They only drove up to my house then drove off. No campaigning.
My kid sure got yelled at though.
Whomever it is, try again Monday. I'll be waiting with my special Halloween shorts on. They're spooooooooooooky
Tell em that you'll look at their info, if they take a look at yours... and if they ask what you got, start naming off "devil" books.. or ones that sound like they'd be about that kinda stuff.
I tried that once, and havent seen them since.
I think God is talking to you C.M.
And what would he be saying?
Clue Master... this is God, its Friday, September 12th, 2:00... give me a call, when you get off the crapper, we need to talk.
Dont play dumb, you know thats where you are, too... remember I see everything you do, talk to you later..... click
Ok get this on Wednesday I just got done doing my mothers grocery shopping for her, as I am starting my car to go home there is this colorful rooster walking through the parking lot to my mothers hi-rise now this being on the east side I have never seen a chicken running around the area before. So I figure some one in the area is raising it for fighting or something and start to drive home, then I hear the song on the radio They come to snuff the rooster.
You sure it wasnt a wild turkey?
Theres been reports of a whole bunch of them being seen around here (east side, and maplewood, and oakdale, and woodbury) lately.... and even a few reports of them attacking people.
Nope it was a rooster it looked like this rooster painted on the green store across the street from Rainbow in the hood on Arcade st. the store used to be a gas station. I think it's a fighting rooster.
Ahh... theres always some tight cars sitting infront of that place.
Clue Master... this is God, its Friday, September 12th, 2:00... give me a call, when you get off the crapper, we need to talk. Dont play dumb, you know thats where you are, too... remember I see everything you do, talk to you later..... click
Damn dude.....thanks for the beer that just came out my nose. You crack me up.
huh...
Now that I think about it, ive never had beer come out of my nose...
Hey bro, do you know this van?
Nope.. cant say that I do. Where'd ya see it?
Concord and 494
I just answer the door in my underware and that's all the joking they can handle.
well try answering it in a thong-I know someone you can borrow from if you don't have one already ;)
yeah i hear mark has them in several colors.
but I heard someone who has a sequined red one ;)
you also heard that he doesn't loan his out either ;)
That's OK. I already have one that looks like an elephants face.
"hung like an elephant"?
"hung like an elephant"?
No, just an elephants face. ;-)
God made us all beautiful---it's ok
::tries to reach up and rub CM trunk::
::tries to reach up and rub CM trunk::
I have to go now
::shuffles away after pulling shirt down in front::
Crazy 8's Joe
You two should get a room....
Holy Joe.
;) what a big trunk you have CM
Memo From God
Effective immediately, please be aware that there are changes you need to
make in your life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may
fulfill my promises to you -- to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this
life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing this
seems very little to ask of you. I know, I already gave you the 10
Commandments. Keep them. But follow these guidelines, also.
1. QUIT WORRYING
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you
forgotten
that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you?
Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?
2. PUT IT ON THE LIST
Something needs to be done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not
YOUR
list. Put it on MY to-do list. Let ME be the one to take care of the
problem.
I can't help you until you turn it over to me. And although my to-do-list is
long, I am after all, God. I can take care of anything you put into my
hands.
In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of
a lot of things for you that you never even realize.
3. TRUST ME
Once you've given your burdens to me, quit trying to take them back. Trust n
me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems
and
your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on my list. Problem with
finances? Put it on my list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster?
For
my sake, put it on my list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.
4. LEAVE IT ALONE
Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I
think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger
now?
It's simple. You gave me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I lso
renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if
I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started?
Leave them with me and forget about them. Just let me do my job.
5. TALK TO ME
I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy.
Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control.
But,there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please don't forget to talk
to
me - OFTEN! I love you. I want to hear your voice. I want you to include me
in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your
friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with me.
I want to be your dearest friend.
6. HAVE FAITH
I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are.
Have faith in me that I know what I'm doing. Trust me, you wouldn't want the
view from my eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet
your needs. You only have to trust me. Although I have a much bigger task
than
you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part.
How
hard can trust be?
7. SHARE
You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you
forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate
than you.
Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with
those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those
who
have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.
8. BE PATIENT
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse
experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs
many
times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of
people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it
takes me a little longer than you expect to handle something on my
to-do-list?
Trust in my timing, for my timing is perfect. Just because I created the
entire
universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.
9. BE KIND
Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not
dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still
love
you all. Please try to get along, for my sake. I created each of you
different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical.
Please know I love each of your differences.
10. LOVE YOURSELF
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me
for one reason only - to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of
Love.
Love me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes my heartache
when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very
precious to me. Don't ever forget that! With all my heart I love you,
God
Perfect timing. Thanks ESD!!
Happy to help TerryV
What a kid might think -
the mind of a child...
Little Tommy,who was Jewish, was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Tommy came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Tommy was hard at work.
His mother was amazed.
She called him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Tommy brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books. With great
trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Tommy got an "A" in math.
She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Tommy looked at her and shook his head, no.
"Well, then," she replied, "was it the books, the discipline, the
structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?"
Little Tommy looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."
That's a great one!!!
you get an A+ for that one
Would you run?
Imagine this happening to you.
a 2,000 member congregation was
surprised to see two men enter,
both covered from head to toe in black
and carrying submachine guns.
One of the men proclaimed,"Anyone
willing to take a bullet for Christ
remain where you are."
and most of the congregation fled.
Out of the 2,000 there only remained around 20.
looked at the preacher and said
"Okay Pastor, I got rid of all
the hypocrites. Now you may begin
your service. Have a nice day!"
And the two men turned and walked out.
trash God ... and then wonder why the
world is in the condition it is today..
newspapers say, but question
what the Bible says.
heaven provided they do not have to believe,
think, say, or do anything the Bible says.
"I believe in God" but still follow Satan
(who, by the way, also "believes"in God).
through e-mail and they spread like wildfire,
but when you start sending messages
regarding the Lord, people think twice
about sharing.
obscene pass freely through cyber space,
but the public discussion of Jesus is
suppressed in the school and work place.
be so fired up for Christ on Sunday,
but be an invisible Christian
the rest of the week.
message, you will not send it to many on
your address list because you're not sure
what they believe, or what they will
th! ink of you for sending it to them.
what other people think of me than what
God thinks of me.
Will you share this with people you care about?
or not?
My instructions were to send this to people
that I wanted God to bless and I picked you.
Nice post ESD, I have seen that before and like it. Except maybe the last part using God and guilt together to prolong a chain mailing.
Ho Hum, I guess I'll take this century Joe
and I'll ho-hum take this palina-JOE ;)
I am amazed I would have stayed seated (maybe hid under the pew)
but I wouldn't have run out of the room!
Except maybe the last part using God and guilt together to prolong a chain mailing.
How is Blessing people chain mailing? and what are you feeling guilty about.