Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.
David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said David, "He plays for the GreenBay Packers, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
Brat feasting idiots from across the river better think again. They have absolutely NO F**cking chance for the divisonal title. for that matter they wont even be in the playoffs now. Get the hankys out now. and this if for the dumb chick at the dome wearing the good bad and ugly shirt......u are a sorry ass harley-riding pabst blue ribbon skank. Did u like all the peanut shells that went flying down the back of your shirt? that was me :)
I have friends with internet access who like to send them to me :)
I have e-mails from months ago that I havnt even opened yet cause no time to read every joke- I keep resending them to myself for a couple months before opening them and then either sending them on to other friends or placing them here.
Good luck Packers in the NFC North. You deserve it more. Plus you would have a better chance at winning the first playoff game and not getting blown out by 40 some points. Good Luck
Come on mv. Being a long time fan you should be tougher than this. We've been through this for many years. Why would this year be any different? I'll tell you. It's the false sense on security of a 6-0 start. Look at it as if we won every home game so far and include that GB game in week one. It wouldn't be as heartbreaking and they would still have fans like you supporting them. But start 6-0 then loose 4 in a row. Ouch! Big difference. I guess I'm saying to just hang in there. At least until they blow the play-offs. It's still to early too give up.
One thing I've noticed about the vikes is that when they play a tough team, they give it their all,and alot of times end up winning, but it seems like when the shitty teams come up they let their guard down and play like crap, what's with that?
I was going to post this in the JOKE thread....But seems more fitting here.... Come Dec. 25th the entire state of wisconsin is going to be like this.....
A packerloss hangover.
You arrive home and climb into bed.
Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.
You get about two hours of sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.
You notice that your bed has been cleared for takeoff and is flying relentlessly around the room.
No matter what you do now, you're going to vomit.
You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht, fully sailing. After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls, knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.
If you are lucky, you remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short-lived.
With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died down to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.
It is now dawn and you pass by your disgusted partner getting up for the day, as you try to climb into bed. She abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.
You reluctantly accept her advice and take a shower. Work is simply not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.
You vow never to touch a drop of alcohol again, and who knows, for the next two or three hours you might even succeed.
Level 1: It's 11:00 on a weeknight; you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have to work the next day and one of your friends buys you another round. One of your unemployed friends. Here at level one, you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly. As long as I get seven hours of sleep, I'm cool." Level 2: It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours of sleep, I'm cool."
Level 3: 1 a.m. You've abandoned beer for whisky. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing for artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom, you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies. (Like, "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger... and he's buying. And you're thinking, "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours of sleep.... and a complete change of blood I'm cool."
Level 4: 2 .a.m. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of Jack and Coke. You are artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar, just because you don't like his face! And now your thinking, "Our busboy is the best-looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an after-hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well... as long as I'm only going to get a few hours of sleep anyway, I may as well stay up all night!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours of sleep tomorrow, I'm cool.
Level 5: 5 a.m. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I got to turn in. I got to be in hell at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm going to marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "We're drivin' to Vegas!" -- and passes out. You crawl outside for air and then you hit the worst part of level five, the sun. You weren't expecting that, were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work or jogging. And they look at you and they know. And they say, "Who's Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory -- like you've beat the night -- but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"
haha Good one me2!!
ROFLMFAO!!!!!!
I sent that around the NFL!! :) %-P
Little David was in his 5th grade class when the
teacher asked the children what their fathers
did for a living. All the typical answers came up
-- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.
David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so
the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and
takes off all his clothes in front of other men.
Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out
to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement,
hurriedly set the other children to work on some
coloring, and took Little David aside to ask him,
"Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said David, "He plays for the GreenBay Packers, but
I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other
kids."
Brat feasting idiots from across the river better think again. They have absolutely NO F**cking chance for the divisonal title. for that matter they wont even be in the playoffs now. Get the hankys out now.
and this if for the dumb chick at the dome wearing the good bad and ugly shirt......u are a sorry ass harley-riding pabst blue ribbon skank. Did u like all the peanut shells that went flying down the back of your shirt? that was me :)
Where do you get those jokes!!!! :) I wuv you hahaha!!!
I have friends with internet access who like to send them to me :)
I have e-mails from months ago that I havnt even opened yet cause no time to read every joke- I keep resending them to myself for a couple months before opening them and then either sending them on to other friends or placing them here.
Good luck Packers in the NFC North. You deserve it more. Plus you would have a better chance at winning the first playoff game and not getting blown out by 40 some points. Good Luck
Come on mv. Being a long time fan you should be tougher than this. We've been through this for many years. Why would this year be any different? I'll tell you. It's the false sense on security of a 6-0 start. Look at it as if we won every home game so far and include that GB game in week one. It wouldn't be as heartbreaking and they would still have fans like you supporting them. But start 6-0 then loose 4 in a row. Ouch! Big difference. I guess I'm saying to just hang in there. At least until they blow the play-offs. It's still to early too give up.
Never doubt your club.
One thing I've noticed about the vikes is that when they play a tough team, they give it their all,and alot of times end up winning, but it seems like when the shitty teams come up they let their guard down and play like crap, what's with that?
We play the fudge packers on Sunday. Hopefully we can beat these jerk-offs in their own home once again.
oops...here I thought this was in the joke folder...
Â
looking around...yep it is.
LOL
HAHA!
I was going to post this in the JOKE thread....But seems more fitting here.... Come Dec. 25th the entire state of wisconsin is going to be like this.....
A packerloss hangover.
You arrive home and climb into bed.
Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.
You get about two hours of sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.
You notice that your bed has been cleared for takeoff and is flying relentlessly around the room.
No matter what you do now, you're going to vomit.
You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht, fully sailing. After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls, knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.
If you are lucky, you remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short-lived.
With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died down to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.
It is now dawn and you pass by your disgusted partner getting up for the day, as you try to climb into bed. She abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.
You reluctantly accept her advice and take a shower. Work is simply not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.
You vow never to touch a drop of alcohol again, and who knows, for the next two or three hours you might even succeed.
Nice.
Every college weekend. ;-)
Love it!
Level 1: It's 11:00 on a weeknight; you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have to work the next day and one of your friends buys you another round. One of your unemployed friends. Here at level one, you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly. As long as I get seven hours of sleep, I'm cool."
Level 2: It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours of sleep, I'm cool."
Level 3: 1 a.m. You've abandoned beer for whisky. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing for artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom, you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies. (Like, "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger... and he's buying. And you're thinking, "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours of sleep.... and a complete change of blood I'm cool."
Level 4: 2 .a.m. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of Jack and Coke. You are artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar, just because you don't like his face! And now your thinking, "Our busboy is the best-looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an after-hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well... as long as I'm only going to get a few hours of sleep anyway, I may as well stay up all night!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours of sleep tomorrow, I'm cool.
Level 5: 5 a.m. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I got to turn in. I got to be in hell at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm going to marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "We're drivin' to Vegas!" -- and passes out. You crawl outside for air and then you hit the worst part of level five, the sun. You weren't expecting that, were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work or jogging. And they look at you and they know. And they say, "Who's Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory -- like you've beat the night -- but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"
fits in this thread...more then a joke thread.