I don't know if anyone remembers the movie Casper..but there was a great song on the soundtrack and in the movie, it's one of my favorite songs actually... and ya know.. the lyrics just seem fitting for Santa Dave... because he wouldn't want any of us to mourn over him, I mean, they say that a person truly dies when people stop remembering.. the good times, bad times, silly times, ect.. and so the song Remember Me This Way just seems fit:
Remember Me This Way Lyrics from Jordan Hill
Related Links: Buy CD from Jordan Hill
Buy Poster from Jordan Hill
Every now and then
We find a special friend
who never lets us down...
Who understands it all
reaches out each time we fall
you're the best friend i have found...
I know you can't stay
a part of you will never ever go away
your heart will stay.....
I'll make a wish for you,
and hope it will come true,
if life will just be kind,
to such a gentle mind,
if you lose your way,
think back on yesturday
remember me this way,
remember me this way.
I don't need eyes to see
the love you bring to me,
no matter where I go
and I know that you'll be there
forever-more a part of me and everywhere
I'll always care.....
I'll make a wish for you
and hope it will come true,
if life will just be kind,
to such a gentle mind,
and if you lose your way
think back on yesturday
remember me this way,
remember me this way.
and I'll be right behind your shoulder,watching you
that's a great picture of you and dave, brad. you know it's so often that we just snap pictures without even thinking about what they might mean later on. we just want to capture a moment. that looks like a wonderful moment, you both look happy. it makes me tear up. :frown: :smile:
I absolutely love the song. Every time I watch the movie it makes me cry. To me, the song fits all of our loved ones and friends who have passed away. It's a great way to cherish the memories of them. I've never met your wife Brad, but I'm sure she was a truely beautiful person inside and out, and like Dave, she'd want you to remember the good times, silly times, ect, and know that she's watching over you and your daughter. She's up there with my Charlie now, and I'm sure he'll give her all the hugs she can handle :smile:
I did get your VM RR. I'm sure I'll call you sometime soon. Not sure on Dave's arrangements just yet.
I'm heading to the funeral home to get death certificates and separate Amy's ashes into 4 various sized containers. It should be interesting and emotional. It sure was when I found her ponytail in a bag stuck with the cards yesterday. That was a shocker. I thought it was included in the box. WoW. Her mom was a wreck but soon was warmed from feeling it. Amy had the most beautiful hair.
That's really cool to have Amy's ponytail, especially when you really loved her hair! I have my daughter's ponytail from when she whacked her hair off at age 15...
If you give it to her mom, please save some for Ali somewhere too. I'm sorry you have to continue to go through all this - it will be everyday for the rest of your life... youre in my thoughts today when you go :frown: hug
Its nice to know you will always have a piece of her to hold onto......which is even kind of in the song lyrics by alter bridge i posted - as an 80 hair band guy I know you will like the song...
You call me when you are good and ready - I know you are busy and are making your daughter your # 1 priority!
I'll tell you what, I find great comfort in looking at Charlie's urn. We got him a blue heart shaped urn. He's right in between my grandma and my grandpa, as I have small urns of them as well. It's a wonderful way to keep them with you. It really does help ease the pain a little bit, but just take your time, and when you feel you need to cry, don't hold back, just let the tears flow... I lost both of my grandpa's within 4 months of each other. A year later I lost my grandma, a year later I lost my son, and almost a year after losing my son I lost my dad, so I've had my share, and in all of that, I never held anything back. No tears, no nothing. It just made me hug the people around me a little tighter each time I said hello or goodbye, and one thing my grandpa used to tell me... goodbyes are forever, so never say goodbye, always say see ya later, because you're always going to see people again :smile:
Thanks for the support you guys. It's extremely nice to know that you're there for me if needed.
The transferring of the ashes went surprisingly smooth. Ali and I were more into the dynamics of it and kept ourselves as removed as possible. There are plenty of times where I break down to where it hurts. Both directed towards sadness and also when thinking of all the great friends and family we have. Ali and I both went into it keeping our emotions in check. It worked out pretty good. My mom and sis and Ali all thought it could be an interesting event as long as I didn't let loose if I could help it. Mainly because Ali says she gets more upset at seeing me upset than when she's upset by herself. I'm learning to control that but also letting her know that it's OK top cry. She has a real fascination with grown-ups crying. Maybe because the only crying she really knows involves something visual that's hurting. How can people cry if there isn't any blood or broken bones?
Anyway, I was the one who actually filled the 4 canisters with some ashes. One larger one to spread over Lake Superior, one to spread by Amy's favorite back yard tree that we always talked to named Pricilla, one small one for me for my desk at work and a little bit set aside for Ali's locket when we pick it out.
I also got the death certificates, the engraved wooden face plate, thank you cards and the updated remembrance folder that was missing my sister and hubbys name.
We then took Amy with us to Mickey-D's where we ran into the neighbors. I guess the Santa Dave thing is the talk of the town now. People can't believe the whole thing. All I can say is that we don't believe it either and we were there.
I feel as if another big part of this whole thing is now behind us. And Ali & I can slowly start to move ahead on our new journey together. One day at a time.
Incidentally, here's what the new engraved face plate looks like on Amy's box. The old one had a larger picture but couldn't fit any engraving. I think it's beautiful. Just like my Aims. We would sit in our tete-a-tae for hours looking up at Pricilla and just talking. I miss that already. :frown:
I seen that picture of the Adirondack chairs looking out and immediately thought it was perfect. So did the rest of the family.
I now remembered that I took a similar picture at Centennial Lakes two years ago after a rain storm blew through. I think it's very prophetic now. With rainbow and all.
(Forgive me if I use this thread as part of my therapy - typing my thoughts helps things since I can't do my Amy Updates any longer)
When I saw that at the funeral home I thought it was perfect because you talk about sitting out in your yard together a lot. I wondered if you had someone do it actually. It's beautiful.
If its on your mind, I always say, "better out than in", whether that's posting, talking to a trusted friend, something more formal like grief support or counseling, or journaling, writing poetry, whatever works for YOU.
My friend (the jeweler) who lost her big sis to cancer 2 months ago, was told by her big sis about a month before she died, that everytime you see a rainbow, its someone upstairs showing you their love.
well, we don't get very many rainbows here (just the way our weather is) well since she's passed - we've seen a ton of them. I swear I've seen more rainbows, and even a couple of double rainbows (every time I've been with her sis sarah) than in the past 10 years.
aww Nick - I'm sorry sweetie. I go have lunch with my Dad at the cemetery quite a bit when I'm in that town. I talk, he listens (or so I hope anyway)
This is my weekend, where I drive to Napa to not only go put flowers for my Dad, Gran and Granpa, but it's the 11th anniversary of my friend Mike passing away (motorcycle accident) for the 1000 or so people who attended the funeral, there are never flowers on his grave, so I go at Xmas, his birthday, and the anniversary at least - always bring a pinwheel, so I can see it from the freeway, and if the pinwheel is gone - I stop more frequently during the year, and spruce things up.
never thought much about doing that nick (my grandpa's in the mausoleum in forest lawn. makes it easy to find him on his birthday january 2 without having to dig throuhg snow :smile: ) but its a neat thing to do.
funny you should mention that. tc and i drove though sunset the other day where her grandma's ashes are buried atop her grandpa. funny thing was the day of the funeral she knew exactly where her grandpa's grave was. the other day we had to go looking through several blocks worth of cemetery. when we found it, she had one pink sprig of flowers sticking up when no one else around did, and in fact a bunch of flowers had been cleaned up from other graves but hers were left in tact. no one in the family knows how they got there either.
thats the cemetary where he's at also.... as are my grandma and grandpa, and my dads grandparents, too... as well as a couple other family members and a friend of my grandma, who was kind of like another grandmother.
my dad, his parents and his grandparents are up on the hill, closest to Roselawn - near where the sun dial is.
yeah. his gravesite is a different cemetary than my fam (they are in a mauseleum - or however you spelled it - too)
His cemetary is down this country road, near a golf course - but the road is a great shortcut across that section of town, so I hop on it frequently, and if I put the pinwheel in the front of the flowers - I can always tell where 'he' is, and if there is something there.
It breaks my heart when loved ones don't have flowers out there. I am trying to find my (original) grandfather's grave. He's burried somewhere here in the bay area. I know there aren't any out there, but I want to put some.
Ted's buried at Riverview and about two years ago they started restricting planters from April through September except for Memorial Day weekend when you can leave them until the following Thursday when they mow. I used to have a shepherd's hook with a pretty hanging basket there and one of those solar lights. It was really pretty and a few people commented on how nice it looked. I tried to reason with the caretaker, explained that I watered it, pruned it, whatever. But I lost that battle.
Well here is a little "light hearted" story of when my father passed away...it is true, but be warned that it may not be for everyone.....
My father passed away in 1989 from a brain tumor that took him very sudden. He was cremated and my mother took the ashes away in a box until a month later when we scheduled a tree planting ceremony.
Dad was from a family of four and we had our family of four so we planted 4 trees. We all placed a small "handful" (using our hands!) of dad's ashes in each hole then placed in the tree. We then split the remaining ashes into our "urns" - us 4 girls and mom's, so dad would be with us all.
Some of the ashes spilled onto the table top when we where doing this and my sister blew at them spereading them all over. We all looked at each other in awe - - - when someone said "dad's last blow job" and we all just laughed.
I knew it looked familiar and couldnt quite place it ... thats one of my favorite photos by you. She couldn't have asked for a better man brad. I love how she will be remembered and how you have and will celebrate her. :frown:
My uncle told us of an "ash and wind" story...he was the captain of an LTS during the Vietnam war, and when one of his officers passed away, the widow had him cremated and the ashes were to be dispersed over the fantail while at sea...so the widow brings the ashes, and the ship sails from San Fransico and on the second day, they hold a ceremony and say a pray, and comment that it seemed wrong that he should leave the ship he loved... Then the wife tosses the ashes high into the air off the stern, but a gust of wind curls the ashes back into the stern of the ship. The widow and my uncle peer over the railing, and see that a sailor is actively painting the fantail, and the ashes slap into the wet paint and are stuck to the back of the ship. The widow paused, and said "I knew he'd never leave the Navy."
My uncle looks down at the bewildered painter/sailor and tosses a salute, "Carry on."
A few years ago, my daughter and her friend were heading north on a Sunday afternoon to come stay for a few days of doing hair, nails, girly stuff.
My daughter fell asleep, her friend asked why they were weaving, my daughter over corrected and rolled her car at least twice and likely more than that by what the officers on the scene said, into the grassy median just north of the Rockcreek/Grantsburg exit on 35. All the windows blew out, the car wasn't even recognizable, but by a miracle they survived. The officers on the scene said too, it was miraculous and they both should be dead.
They were taken to the Fairview hospital in Wyoming and we got the call from there. Even though they said they were both okay, and even though we did get to talk with our daughter, it was an icky, ishy drive to Wyoming. I had an empty sick almost numb feeling that day and everytime we went past that exit on our way north after that, I would experience that same feeling.
A couple weeks later, as we approached that exit heading north, there was a beautiful double rainbow for two very lovely, and lucky young ladies. I took those rainbows to mean that things really were okay and to let go of that feeling we both had.
I have a picture of those rainbows, but they are on the other computer.
Remember Me This Way Lyrics from Jordan Hill
Related Links: Buy CD from Jordan Hill
Buy Poster from Jordan Hill
Every now and then
We find a special friend
who never lets us down...
Who understands it all
reaches out each time we fall
you're the best friend i have found...
I know you can't stay
a part of you will never ever go away
your heart will stay.....
I'll make a wish for you,
and hope it will come true,
if life will just be kind,
to such a gentle mind,
if you lose your way,
think back on yesturday
remember me this way,
remember me this way.
I don't need eyes to see
the love you bring to me,
no matter where I go
and I know that you'll be there
forever-more a part of me and everywhere
I'll always care.....
I'll make a wish for you
and hope it will come true,
if life will just be kind,
to such a gentle mind,
and if you lose your way
think back on yesturday
remember me this way,
remember me this way.
and I'll be right behind your shoulder,watching you
I'll be standing by your side, all you do
and I won't ever leave
as long as you believe,
you just believe....
I'll make a wish for you
and hope it will come true
if life will just be kind
to such a gentle mind
and if you lose your way
think back on yesturday
remember me this way
remember me this way.
o.....
this way.
Thanks for the hugs ladies. They were well received.
BTW - Thanks again everyone for the very nice flowers. They're beautiful!
thanks brad :smile:
On a side note - any funeral arrangements yet for dave?
thanks
I did get your VM RR. I'm sure I'll call you sometime soon. Not sure on Dave's arrangements just yet.
I'm heading to the funeral home to get death certificates and separate Amy's ashes into 4 various sized containers. It should be interesting and emotional. It sure was when I found her ponytail in a bag stuck with the cards yesterday. That was a shocker. I thought it was included in the box. WoW. Her mom was a wreck but soon was warmed from feeling it. Amy had the most beautiful hair.
If you give it to her mom, please save some for Ali somewhere too. I'm sorry you have to continue to go through all this - it will be everyday for the rest of your life... youre in my thoughts today when you go :frown:
hug
You call me when you are good and ready - I know you are busy and are making your daughter your # 1 priority!
RR
Beautiful post, MM.
If you ever need to talk, I would be happy to listen.
The transferring of the ashes went surprisingly smooth. Ali and I were more into the dynamics of it and kept ourselves as removed as possible. There are plenty of times where I break down to where it hurts. Both directed towards sadness and also when thinking of all the great friends and family we have. Ali and I both went into it keeping our emotions in check. It worked out pretty good. My mom and sis and Ali all thought it could be an interesting event as long as I didn't let loose if I could help it. Mainly because Ali says she gets more upset at seeing me upset than when she's upset by herself. I'm learning to control that but also letting her know that it's OK top cry. She has a real fascination with grown-ups crying. Maybe because the only crying she really knows involves something visual that's hurting. How can people cry if there isn't any blood or broken bones?
Anyway, I was the one who actually filled the 4 canisters with some ashes. One larger one to spread over Lake Superior, one to spread by Amy's favorite back yard tree that we always talked to named Pricilla, one small one for me for my desk at work and a little bit set aside for Ali's locket when we pick it out.
I also got the death certificates, the engraved wooden face plate, thank you cards and the updated remembrance folder that was missing my sister and hubbys name.
We then took Amy with us to Mickey-D's where we ran into the neighbors. I guess the Santa Dave thing is the talk of the town now. People can't believe the whole thing. All I can say is that we don't believe it either and we were there.
I feel as if another big part of this whole thing is now behind us. And Ali & I can slowly start to move ahead on our new journey together. One day at a time.
I now remembered that I took a similar picture at Centennial Lakes two years ago after a rain storm blew through. I think it's very prophetic now. With rainbow and all.
(Forgive me if I use this thread as part of my therapy - typing my thoughts helps things since I can't do my Amy Updates any longer)
If its on your mind, I always say, "better out than in", whether that's posting, talking to a trusted friend, something more formal like grief support or counseling, or journaling, writing poetry, whatever works for YOU.
Please keep it coming...........
had lunch with my dad.
My friend (the jeweler) who lost her big sis to cancer 2 months ago, was told by her big sis about a month before she died, that everytime you see a rainbow, its someone upstairs showing you their love.
well, we don't get very many rainbows here (just the way our weather is) well since she's passed - we've seen a ton of them. I swear I've seen more rainbows, and even a couple of double rainbows (every time I've been with her sis sarah) than in the past 10 years.
She's made me a believer of the rainbow theory.
This is my weekend, where I drive to Napa to not only go put flowers for my Dad, Gran and Granpa, but it's the 11th anniversary of my friend Mike passing away (motorcycle accident) for the 1000 or so people who attended the funeral, there are never flowers on his grave, so I go at Xmas, his birthday, and the anniversary at least - always bring a pinwheel, so I can see it from the freeway, and if the pinwheel is gone - I stop more frequently during the year, and spruce things up.
my dad, his parents and his grandparents are up on the hill, closest to Roselawn - near where the sun dial is.
His cemetary is down this country road, near a golf course - but the road is a great shortcut across that section of town, so I hop on it frequently, and if I put the pinwheel in the front of the flowers - I can always tell where 'he' is, and if there is something there.
It breaks my heart when loved ones don't have flowers out there. I am trying to find my (original) grandfather's grave. He's burried somewhere here in the bay area. I know there aren't any out there, but I want to put some.
glad to hear you are doign ok nick - hang in there. I have been thinking baout you :smile:
I owe you lunch sometime :smile:
R
My father passed away in 1989 from a brain tumor that took him very sudden. He was cremated and my mother took the ashes away in a box until a month later when we scheduled a tree planting ceremony.
Dad was from a family of four and we had our family of four so we planted 4 trees. We all placed a small "handful" (using our hands!) of dad's ashes in each hole then placed in the tree. We then split the remaining ashes into our "urns" - us 4 girls and mom's, so dad would be with us all.
Some of the ashes spilled onto the table top when we where doing this and my sister blew at them spereading them all over. We all looked at each other in awe - - - when someone said "dad's last blow job" and we all just laughed.
:eek: :confused: :ooh: :worried:
every time you see a rainbow, its someone upstairs showing you their love.
I seen one today on the way out to the zoo with Ali's class and thought the same thing. It was a real low riding rainbow though.
My uncle looks down at the bewildered painter/sailor and tosses a salute, "Carry on."
Seems like it all worked out in the end.
A few years ago, my daughter and her friend were heading north on a Sunday afternoon to come stay for a few days of doing hair, nails, girly stuff.
My daughter fell asleep, her friend asked why they were weaving, my daughter over corrected and rolled her car at least twice and likely more than that by what the officers on the scene said, into the grassy median just north of the Rockcreek/Grantsburg exit on 35. All the windows blew out, the car wasn't even recognizable, but by a miracle they survived. The officers on the scene said too, it was miraculous and they both should be dead.
They were taken to the Fairview hospital in Wyoming and we got the call from there. Even though they said they were both okay, and even though we did get to talk with our daughter, it was an icky, ishy drive to Wyoming. I had an empty sick almost numb feeling that day and everytime we went past that exit on our way north after that, I would experience that same feeling.
A couple weeks later, as we approached that exit heading north, there was a beautiful double rainbow for two very lovely, and lucky young ladies. I took those rainbows to mean that things really were okay and to let go of that feeling we both had.
I have a picture of those rainbows, but they are on the other computer.
“Aims, save us a spot by the lake….you’ve gone home…have fun!!!!
What a neat lady she is!
:grin: