there are many times in life that a FF or Skip button would be nice, for sure! I've had a few myself but not one of them begin to compare with what you and Ali are facing this year...
Big Hugs :frown:
(and thanks for sharing your feelings) :cool:
you and Ali will, of course, get through this and make some special memories and traditions of your own in addition to the ones you have shared with Amy. There's room for both!
Clue Master - I'm so sorry that you are feeling so sad. It's to be expected, but knowing that doesn't really help. Hang in there. You will get through this. Know that we keep you in our thoughts and prayers and are here anytime you need.
I'm in kind of a quandary right now. I guess I'm not really looking for advice but I'm having a hard time with something that just happened here at work.
My contract facility boss had a meeting with me basically talking about the '08 budget and that my work boss would no longer be a part of it. He also mentioned that I would get a decent raise for taking over my bosses job and mine. I know I could handle it since that's what I was doing at my last two places anyway. I've just been riding a fairly easy horse for the last year. The problem isn't about the work, I enjoy work. The problem is along the personal side of things because they want to keep this from him and I'm not easy with that. We've grown pretty close over the last year especially within the last couple of months because he lost his wife too. Lots of heart to hearts.
I feel I owe it to him but I could screw myself in the process. So I guess I'm going to work on the property boss to let him know early. I already asked him but he didn't know when he was going to let my boss go. He said it could be tomorrow or it could be the end of December.
I've always hated not telling people when their gone. I don't feel right talking to them or even seeing them. Mostly because they could look back in retrospect and know that I knew all along and didn't say shit.
I've recently dismissed two employees. One I was able to convince the tenant to let the employee know ahead of time and the other didn't agree and wanted to have them told on their way out on a Friday afternoon. the first one was fine even though he felt like a dead man walking, but he was able to search for another job during the 2 week notice. The second one sobbed and didn't know what hit him and begged to go talk with the tenant. I'd much rather let someone know ahead of time. I'd like the same consideration.
Especially when he worked for you for over 25 years! :neutral:
tough call CM. He should at least have 2 weeks notice. He would have been expected to give that to the company if he was quitting. Personnally I think the more the better, but realistically it don't work that way.
The fiscal is calendar, that's why he said he could be let go as early as tomorrow or 12/31.
And to add to it, he's just now getting back into the dating thing and loving it. He waited over 4 years to start and now he's hitting it pretty hard. he looks and feels great. This won't help that at all.
On a serious note, don't do anything. You don't know for a fact that the guy you like won't be there, you've just got that one guy's talk and word to go on. So if you tell the guy you like, and it turns out they were just thinking about it, instead of doing it - he's going to quit, which doesn't help. OR...the big boss is seeing how loyal you are - are you going to tell the guy, or can you keep a secret? OR...they're playing the two of you against each other - can they get one of you to do two jobs? Who's to say that they didn't make the same offer to him? "Don't tell Brad but we're going to let him go."
Bottom line is, you don't have enough real data to make a call as to whether or not you should tell him anything. Don't feel bad about it - just realize that something's going on and keep your nose out of it. Do your job, if they give you a raise, great, but keep your nose clean.
I have two concerts during the same week at the end of the month that I'm looking forward to. That should help.
In the mean time, Ali is gone for a week so I'm alone cleaning out drawers and closets. It's hard at times but once it's gone I might feel better. Anybody have a recommendation for what to do with some soft covered books? Amy has tons of them in her bedside drawers and they're too adult for Ali right now and I don't feel like storing them until she is old enough to read them.
Another option is that most senior high rises have a library of sorts and are often looking for new material. That, of course, would be a donation and I'd go for the possibility of getting some cash first.
As far as cleaning out some stuff - I know that helped my father-in-law. He first had Inks' cousin who was about the same size come take what she wanted of the clothes and then donated the rest. That way he didn't have to look at all that day in and day out.
You don't unremember, but sometimes having those personal things within easy eyesight, makes things a bit hard.
You register, print labels for your books, then drop them off in coffee shops, restaurants, etc., post their titles and where you left them, plus any reviews or personal story behind the books, and the finder then posts where they found them, how they liked the book and where they dropped it to be found again.
As for unremembering - so true that we don't unremember.
And having things around is not as difficult as it might seem - you get used to those things - the difficult thing is seeing something unexpectedly - like going to someone else's house and seeing a photo you've not seen in awhile.
Here's some advice from a group of widows that is several thousand strong: there is no hurry or deadline in dealing with with things. do it in YOUR OWN TIME. not based on what someone else thinks you should do, or whether they (might) think you are "holding on". YOU decide - don't let anyone rush you. I have a dear friend who went through everything the week after her husband died and was done with it - that was right for her. I also know widows and widowers who NEVER go through things - and that is the right decision for them. Most people are somewhere in the middle, but its not uncommon for a few years to go by before a person is truly ready to deal with certain things.
Holding on and letting go occur simultaneously and fairly spontaneously, as do finding moments of grief and joy in your day, or being sad about the loss while finding a smile in the memories.
Sometimes, with a child in the home, they may want to hold on to some things you are ready to pass along, while the opposite may also be true. Storing those kinds of things until a time when the more immediate grief work is more "integrated" is an option.
Integration is probably a more accurate word than "acceptance" or "moving on". We integrate the person, the loss, the enormity of its meaning, into our life, in our own time. There are a lot of layers - like peeling an onion - and we cry anew with each layer that presents itself. Eventually we get used to having that be part of the experience. Better for the tears to be out than in.
Just my two cents worth, from nearly four years into the journey.
Thank you Eags. I like the word integration. That makes sense. It's all a part of me now.
I do feel the need to clean out things though. I get some satisfaction in cleaning out a drawer and giving certain things to Ali or her Mom. Incidentally, her mom took most of the books. I have some nice baby books and manager books left now. Plus an AA book. :eyeroll:
I'm hoping to have her aunt stop over this weekend and help go through her clothes. She could sell the nicer ones in her consignment shop. I'll probably just donate the others to one of the 4 pick up services I use.
Integration is probably a more accurate word than "acceptance" or "moving on". We integrate the person, the loss, the enormity of its meaning, into our life, in our own time. There are a lot of layers - like peeling an onion - and we cry anew with each layer that presents itself. Eventually we get used to having that be part of the experience. Better for the tears to be out than in.
thats something I've gotta do, is go through all of my dads stuff and decide what to get rid of, and how to do it...
my sister says get rid of it all...
theres a few knick-knacks and odds and ends, that are cool and/or remind me of him, and stuff... items that I want to hang onto... have and use as my own, as well as his record collection and a few books, and electronic stuff....
ooh... and weapons :cool: :ooh: :grin:
but clothes and stuff... pretty much all have to go...
I dont know anybody his size, really....
he's got some bell-bottom jeans that are originals from the 60's probably only worn a couple of times, that he found in his closet a while back, and forgot that he had them... - Levi Big Bells....
a buncha t-shirts and stuff....
I just went through this bag, a couple of hours ago - that I brought back from the nursing home after he died.... found the Old Navy shirt and stuff he was wearing when it happened....
I dont really like alot of Old Navy stuff, but he swore by it for the last few years....
I've also been cleaning and starting to paint a bedroom on the main level that will be used as our main one, as soon as i'm done with it....
the room was once my grandma's.... so theres a bunch of stuff in there, that my dad held onto after she passed....
alotta stuff that I had forgotten about.... pictures, music, etc....
there are many times in life that a FF or Skip button would be nice, for sure! I've had a few myself but not one of them begin to compare with what you and Ali are facing this year...
Big Hugs :frown:
(and thanks for sharing your feelings) :cool:
you and Ali will, of course, get through this and make some special memories and traditions of your own in addition to the ones you have shared with Amy. There's room for both!
:frown: :frown: :frown: ty :frown:
Hope these help...
If not you can come over and smack me around for a while... Blow off some steam, and drink beer :smile:
My entire body is getting pretty tired of it. :frown: :frown: :frown:
Night Ter :asleep:
tears,for me, bring healing
:frown: :frown: Hugs...
As nice as today was event-wise, it's been one of the hardest days yet. :frown:
I can't wait until 5/11/08 :neutral:
Thanks TV - I know it's a phase, just one I don't really like is all. I can't concentrate on anything right now. Including sleep. :eyeroll:
You big Wussy! Get back up again and stop whining like your name is Sally Mae Tinklepants! Do it now!
(is that better? buck up, big guy...)
Kiss my ass too Mr. Bearylicious :sheepish:
My contract facility boss had a meeting with me basically talking about the '08 budget and that my work boss would no longer be a part of it. He also mentioned that I would get a decent raise for taking over my bosses job and mine. I know I could handle it since that's what I was doing at my last two places anyway. I've just been riding a fairly easy horse for the last year. The problem isn't about the work, I enjoy work. The problem is along the personal side of things because they want to keep this from him and I'm not easy with that. We've grown pretty close over the last year especially within the last couple of months because he lost his wife too. Lots of heart to hearts.
I feel I owe it to him but I could screw myself in the process. So I guess I'm going to work on the property boss to let him know early. I already asked him but he didn't know when he was going to let my boss go. He said it could be tomorrow or it could be the end of December.
I've always hated not telling people when their gone. I don't feel right talking to them or even seeing them. Mostly because they could look back in retrospect and know that I knew all along and didn't say shit.
I've recently dismissed two employees. One I was able to convince the tenant to let the employee know ahead of time and the other didn't agree and wanted to have them told on their way out on a Friday afternoon. the first one was fine even though he felt like a dead man walking, but he was able to search for another job during the 2 week notice. The second one sobbed and didn't know what hit him and begged to go talk with the tenant. I'd much rather let someone know ahead of time. I'd like the same consideration.
Especially when he worked for you for over 25 years! :neutral:
When does the '08 fiscal year start there?
If you want a good reference, as an employee you give your notice.
If you're the employer, that's a whole different story.
And to add to it, he's just now getting back into the dating thing and loving it. He waited over 4 years to start and now he's hitting it pretty hard. he looks and feels great. This won't help that at all.
That's how I used to live my life, why change now :wink:
Thanks Timmers :cool:
http://www.thelot.com/episodes/?ep=8&vd=88
If you're a movie lover, you'll love this reality show. I've seen 3 episodes and they've all been pretty good so far.
My favorite is Adam Stein, mainly because I loved Lazy Monday but also his musical was amazing.
On a serious note, don't do anything. You don't know for a fact that the guy you like won't be there, you've just got that one guy's talk and word to go on. So if you tell the guy you like, and it turns out they were just thinking about it, instead of doing it - he's going to quit, which doesn't help. OR...the big boss is seeing how loyal you are - are you going to tell the guy, or can you keep a secret? OR...they're playing the two of you against each other - can they get one of you to do two jobs? Who's to say that they didn't make the same offer to him? "Don't tell Brad but we're going to let him go."
Bottom line is, you don't have enough real data to make a call as to whether or not you should tell him anything. Don't feel bad about it - just realize that something's going on and keep your nose out of it. Do your job, if they give you a raise, great, but keep your nose clean.
Exactly me2 :eyeroll:
I can't focus on shit the way it is.
In the mean time, Ali is gone for a week so I'm alone cleaning out drawers and closets. It's hard at times but once it's gone I might feel better. Anybody have a recommendation for what to do with some soft covered books? Amy has tons of them in her bedside drawers and they're too adult for Ali right now and I don't feel like storing them until she is old enough to read them.
Its been a minute since the last time I brought anything to them... but I know they paid for stuff, back then
I shop there all the time though.... they take in used cd's, dvd's, books, computer stuff - games, records, and tapes, etc....
http://www.halfpricebooks.com/minnesota.html
As far as cleaning out some stuff - I know that helped my father-in-law. He first had Inks' cousin who was about the same size come take what she wanted of the clothes and then donated the rest. That way he didn't have to look at all that day in and day out.
You don't unremember, but sometimes having those personal things within easy eyesight, makes things a bit hard.
Very nice TV. My new Tag
You register, print labels for your books, then drop them off in coffee shops, restaurants, etc., post their titles and where you left them, plus any reviews or personal story behind the books, and the finder then posts where they found them, how they liked the book and where they dropped it to be found again.
As for unremembering - so true that we don't unremember.
And having things around is not as difficult as it might seem - you get used to those things - the difficult thing is seeing something unexpectedly - like going to someone else's house and seeing a photo you've not seen in awhile.
Here's some advice from a group of widows that is several thousand strong: there is no hurry or deadline in dealing with with things. do it in YOUR OWN TIME. not based on what someone else thinks you should do, or whether they (might) think you are "holding on". YOU decide - don't let anyone rush you. I have a dear friend who went through everything the week after her husband died and was done with it - that was right for her. I also know widows and widowers who NEVER go through things - and that is the right decision for them. Most people are somewhere in the middle, but its not uncommon for a few years to go by before a person is truly ready to deal with certain things.
Holding on and letting go occur simultaneously and fairly spontaneously, as do finding moments of grief and joy in your day, or being sad about the loss while finding a smile in the memories.
Sometimes, with a child in the home, they may want to hold on to some things you are ready to pass along, while the opposite may also be true. Storing those kinds of things until a time when the more immediate grief work is more "integrated" is an option.
Integration is probably a more accurate word than "acceptance" or "moving on". We integrate the person, the loss, the enormity of its meaning, into our life, in our own time. There are a lot of layers - like peeling an onion - and we cry anew with each layer that presents itself. Eventually we get used to having that be part of the experience. Better for the tears to be out than in.
Just my two cents worth, from nearly four years into the journey.
Hugs to you.
I do feel the need to clean out things though. I get some satisfaction in cleaning out a drawer and giving certain things to Ali or her Mom. Incidentally, her mom took most of the books. I have some nice baby books and manager books left now. Plus an AA book. :eyeroll:
I'm hoping to have her aunt stop over this weekend and help go through her clothes. She could sell the nicer ones in her consignment shop. I'll probably just donate the others to one of the 4 pick up services I use.
exactly eags - nicely expressed
my sister says get rid of it all...
theres a few knick-knacks and odds and ends, that are cool and/or remind me of him, and stuff... items that I want to hang onto... have and use as my own, as well as his record collection and a few books, and electronic stuff....
ooh... and weapons :cool: :ooh: :grin:
but clothes and stuff... pretty much all have to go...
I dont know anybody his size, really....
he's got some bell-bottom jeans that are originals from the 60's probably only worn a couple of times, that he found in his closet a while back, and forgot that he had them... - Levi Big Bells....
a buncha t-shirts and stuff....
I just went through this bag, a couple of hours ago - that I brought back from the nursing home after he died.... found the Old Navy shirt and stuff he was wearing when it happened....
I dont really like alot of Old Navy stuff, but he swore by it for the last few years....
I've also been cleaning and starting to paint a bedroom on the main level that will be used as our main one, as soon as i'm done with it....
the room was once my grandma's.... so theres a bunch of stuff in there, that my dad held onto after she passed....
alotta stuff that I had forgotten about.... pictures, music, etc....
:chagrin:
:ooh:
If only I was skinnier. That was ALL I wore in school. :smile:
I remember him yelling "holy s**t!!! nick, come here and check this out!!!"
I run down to the basement, to his bedroom, to find him holding a couple pairs of jeans...
he explained that they were from way back when, and "Jeez... these things are pretty neat, I cant believe I forgot about them"
he was going through some clothes, so he could put a bunch of old stuff, out for the salvation army truck, the next morning.
Thats how/why he found them....
I think he wore one of those pairs to work the next day.....