OMG ok so I just read 90% of all the jokes that were posted since April, I want to know where you guys get this stuff? Elizabeth came in my office twice and said mommy why are you laughing at your computer hahaha
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
New sex survey. It has been determined the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The man sits up and begs. The woman rolls over and plays dead.
Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
Dunham used to do a bit where he'd have Walter, Peanut and Jose all at once, and Jose would be Peanut's dummy...so he'd have a dummy doing ventriliquism!
http://www.glumbert.com/media/weddingfirstdance
sitting by the side of the ocean.
It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do
Weeweechu."
Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.
Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu.
I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.
Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a
Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
NOW GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!
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unless you know kitch!!! he'll hunt you down boy!!! lol
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hello Brit!!!
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The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
'This is Kitch, I'm calling to report 'bout Clue Master...He's hidin'
marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there..'
'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, twelve Sheriff's Deputies descend on Cluey's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Cluey and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Cluey's house.
'Hey, Cluey! This here's Kitch....Did the Sheriff come?'
'Yeah!'
'Did they chop all of your firewood?'
'Yep! ...into nice, small pieces'
'Happy Birthday, buddy!'
Hehe :coolfrown: :lipsealed: :sillygrin:
New sex survey. It has been determined the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The man sits up and begs. The woman rolls over and plays dead.
So they can both watch the hockey game.
A. Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.
and walter and a couple of his other puppets are absolutely hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go
Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
She's such a bitch.
Director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be
institutionalized."
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer
a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to
empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use
the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"
Dunham used to do a bit where he'd have Walter, Peanut and Jose all at once, and Jose would be Peanut's dummy...so he'd have a dummy doing ventriliquism!
<-- changes mind. doesn't really want to know.
Pagination