I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
I'm giving you fair warning: Starting Wednesday I'm fishing up north - twenty miles from any paved road and probably thirty from the nearest internet connection.
Do you want the rest of this week's jokes all at once, or take a break and wait until Monday for the next steaming fresh one?
When Mark found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
Hmmm.. First off, I'd have to find a woman willing to marry me (and not one of those mail order brides). Then I'd have to talk said woman into letting me wear an orange tux...
I think the universe would implode if both of those things happened simultaneously... :pbpt:
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it. :smile:
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Th en God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Question of the Day:
Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?
Don't beam me up yet, Scotty, I'm in the middle of taking a sh
Question of the Day:
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
In related news: First Thing seen on the Transporter Pad:
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, 'It reminded me of a peanut.'
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, 'Really small, was it?'
Sally replied, 'No... salty!'
Mom fainted
I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.
Question(s) of the Day:
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Thanks,
Bob
I didn't sell my soul to Satan...... but we did work out a rent-to-own deal.
Question of the Day:
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Damn.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byx8kt0O_mk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njOptmvidgs
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Question of the Day:
Why don't blind men skydive? It scares the hell out of the dog.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel soooo good.
Question of the Day:
How to you make a dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.
Ooooooooo :ooh: Was that out loud? :lipsealed:
Walt Disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation.
Question of the Day:
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Question of the Day:
Do fish get cramps after eating?
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Question of the Day:
A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?
MCSE -- Minesweeper Consultant and Solitaire Expert
MBA -- Mediocre But Arrogant
PhD -- Piled High and Deep
IBM -- I Blame Microsoft
WWW -- World Wide Wait
ATM -- Another Technical Mistake
DOS -- Defunct Operating System
BASIC -- Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
ISDN -- It Still Does Nothing
LISP -- Lots of Infuriating and Silly Parentheses
PnP -- Plug 'n' Pray
PC -- Pretty Cheap
CD_ROM -- Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
SCSI -- System Can't See It
FORTRAN -- Fortunately Our Readers Take Refreshers At Nightschool.
PCMCIA -- People Can't Memorize Computer Industrial Acronyms
Macintosh -- Most Applications Crush; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
APPLE -- Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
MICRO$OFT -- Mac Imitation from a Corrupt Roguish Organization Selling Only Faulty Technology
WINDOWS -- Wholly Inadequate Needless Damned Outrageous Waste of Space
RTFM -- Replace The Fan Motor
He appears to be suffering from Clue Deficiency Disorder.
Question of the Day:
What do people in China call their good plates?
After God created line code for Women, Beer was the bug fix.
Question of the Day:
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
A wok is what you throw at a wabbit.
Question of the Day:
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
Forget about World Peace ... Visualize using your turn signal.
Question of the Day:
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
Acupuncturists do it with a small prick.
Question of the Day:
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
I'm giving you fair warning: Starting Wednesday I'm fishing up north - twenty miles from any paved road and probably thirty from the nearest internet connection.
Do you want the rest of this week's jokes all at once, or take a break and wait until Monday for the next steaming fresh one?
I was confused...
So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter than men
omg..you can rent these and they company is from mankato..
I'm as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar!
Question of the Day:
Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have a "s" in it?
I think the universe would implode if both of those things happened simultaneously... :pbpt:
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Question of the Day:
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit
Question of the Day:
Birthdays only come once a year... aren't you glad you're not a birthday? :wink:
Nice :sillygrin:
Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It 'In.'
5 Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Sexual Favors'
7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'
8 Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won!, I Won!'
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling
'Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.. ......
Share This With Someone To Make Them Smile.
Its Called ....... therapy
Behind every great man is a great woman, and behind every great woman is some guy staring at her ass!
Question of the Day:
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? :eyeroll:
Bar Code - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick
Byte - What your pit-bull dun to cusin Jethro
Cache - Needed when you run out of food stamps
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers
Diskette - Female Disco dancer
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
Hard Drive - Memphis to Jacksonville
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
Kilobyte - Huntin' for food
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers
Modem - What ya do when the grass gets too high
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live
Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
On-line - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker
A day without sunshine is like... night.
Question of the Day:
If it weren't for men, who'd pay for sex?