Thanks everyone. It's weird, we still had his graduation picture stuck on the fridge, saw that last night. Yes, it's hard to understand, and I don't know all the details yet.
Truth be told, I don't really know if I want to know what the details are.
I am so sorry KC!! if you need to talk I deal with a few problems that mite help!! just throw me a msg and we can go have a cup of coffee and bs about it!!
Sorry about your cousin Joel. Death is always hard, but when it's suicide it makes it even harder. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Yeah, I knew him pretty well, I would see him at my grandmothers from time to time, on holidays and special occasions. He was one of my favorites out of my cousins, a really mellow guy, not entirely unlike myself in some respects.
I did find out the details of how it happened.. I'm doubly sorry to find out that the neighbors of my grandmother found him, and thier kids (I don't know how young, but got the impression probably on the younger side) were with them.
Sargeant died. In my arms as I was taking him to a pet ER. I have not handled it well. On the day he died, Ruth (bitchinlaw) came over for several hours and wouldn't leave despite Susan asking her to several times. She apparently just wanted to give me a "hug." Susan, being smart, realized I would have slugged Ruth had I gotten the opportunity (you don't taunt a wounded bear, Susan said), kept her away from me, and I was forced to grieve primarily on my own. I have told Susan that I will never forgive Ruth for taking my wife away from me when I needed her the most, and for not respecting our needs as a family to grieve together or even to learn to grieve together. As I said, I'm not handling it well at all and having panic attacks about 4x/week and battling depression. I can't talk to Susan about it because she's never had pets before, don't know what he and I went through together, and gets offended when I say I lost my best friend, because she thinks that's an indication of me not being happy in the marriage (which I'm fine with, I'm just generally unhappy) and her not being sufficient for me. We can't get another animal, or a dog, because she's got severe allergies. To her credit though she's trying immunotherapy, so hopefully in several months things might change. But I doubt it at this point.
My parents also can't stand Ruth, so as a way to get away from her and avoid having to spend thanksgiving or any time with her they're going to La Crosse to be with grandma, so my lonliness is magnified by that and so is the isolation, having to deal with someone who I can't stand and quite frankly have a significant amount of rage towards. and being socially tolerable to be around will be a challenge. And you know what I've been like when I have start losing it.. And, Grandma's is having to move into assisted livin too.
Additionally, Susan is having a "girl" procedure today because we're in the cancer ballpark. Not there yet, but we're in the ballpark. On the upside, it's my first trip to the gyno today though. On the downside I was told no jokes and I can't sit in the stirrups.
RB you have my deepest sympathies in the loss of your friend. People who don't own pets can't understand the bond between owner and pet. Hopefully in time Susan's allergies will be managable and you might be able to get another. Your in my thoughts.
Losing pets always sucks. Unfortunately my family had lots of 'practice' dealing with lost pets growing up. Our rural farm mutts ran loose around the house and frequently got run over, ran away, shot by ornery neighbors, etc...
Sally has got an extremely strong bond with Merlin. He's only seven years old but there's going to be a time when he'll be gone too. All you can do is deal with it best you can.
There are a lot of dog breeds out there that are less allergic than others. We have some neighbors that just got a retriever/poodle cross that is supposed to not shed very much. They have a kid with pet allergies and they seem to get along well. Getting a new dog may not be something to rush into, but it's hard to quit cold turkey.
I think Sargeant is a cat. I remember bear having cats.
that sucks Tryg! REALLY!!!! I was hoping you weren't around because you were in bliss with your new honey. pun intended.
Susan is a wwwonderful woman, I know she wants to be there for you even if she may not feel the deepness you feel on this subject. She loves you and I'm sure she will do anything to make you feel better.
Did you see Kath and Kim the other night?
Kath didn't tell her fiance she was allergic to strawberries because she didn't want to disappoint him when he gave her strawberries. I can only think that Susan can find a way (through pills or keeping a pet in another part of the house or like Maddog said, a pet that doesn't give off as much hair) to meet you 1/2 way. I don't know what you will do but Susans a great person and your lucky to have eachother.
miss yah bear. way funny on the girl procedure - hope that goes well.
I also am very sorry that you're having so much sadness and panic attacks.
Susan loves you and though she may not fully comprehend what you're going through, I know she loves you unconditionally and only wants the best for you.
Hang in there. Know we care and you know where to find us if you need to talk.
Sorry about your loss and the crap feelings that are going along with it Tryge. I hope the pills give you some sort of decent semblance during this tough time.
I'm glad to see you back around these parts but am sorry your having a rough time.
I'm sorry to hear about losing Sergeant and the difficult time your having dealing with it. I think that when you say you can't talk to Susan about it, you are wrong. Maybe she can't understand, but thats no reason to not try. She may surprise you.
As for holidays, it's always difficult to arrange time between two families. Just do the best you can. I'm sure everyone will understand.
Penny and I wish Susan the best of luck with her "girl" procedure. I'm sure things will be better.
We won't know about the cancer for a few weeks. As for the rest, I feel like I'm just barely hanging on, day to day. The mere thought of being in the same room with that woman on Thanksgiving is making my hand shake.
A hen-pecked husband has been granted a divorce in Italy because his mother-in-law keeps nagging him. Shopkeeper Luca Rossi, told the court in Salerno that his wife’s mother didn’t leave him alone throughout four months of marriage. “I’d never believed stories and jokes about mothers-in-law but my marriage was hell and it was all her fault,” he said after the hearing. “It was hell right from the moment we said ‘I do’ at our wedding until the moment we split, just because my mother-in-law interfered in every single thing in our lives. “It was impossible. It led to one argument after another and there was no way a marriage could survive after that.”
Rossi said he would consider marriage again - but only if he did not have to deal with a mother-in-law. “Next time I’m hoping to find a girl who’s an orphan,” he added. ananova
but then there is Christmas and Easter. ---he is gonna have to be around her sometime unless he just doesn't go. Mine will not attend any function my aunt Rolaine is at. period. Then I would have to decide if I would go or not. However, sometimes she would be there for a while during the day at Thanksgiving or Christmas and then leave and then he would come after she leaves. OR once in a long time he will just plain ignore her and stay on the opposite sides of the house. He also won't eat at the same table as her. He will take his food to another room.
Oh God Tryg... The girls and I cried when we heard about Sarge. He was such an awesome guy! We will miss his purrs. So sorry you guys are going through such a tough time with Susan's health too. You know where I am if there is ANYTHING you need. You are both officially invited to Thanksgiving at our house... And Spunky really wants to give you a big hug. Hang in there and remember to call if you need anything.... So sorry my friend. :sad:
Truth be told, I don't really know if I want to know what the details are.
Sorry to hear Joel
I've been out of the loop in the Cooler lately and I sure didn't expect to come back to see this - you and your family are in my thoughts.
you mention the graduation pic, was he young?
I don't know how close you were with him but know we are here if you are wanting to go out for a pop or something.
Yeah, I knew him pretty well, I would see him at my grandmothers from time to time, on holidays and special occasions. He was one of my favorites out of my cousins, a really mellow guy, not entirely unlike myself in some respects.
I did find out the details of how it happened.. I'm doubly sorry to find out that the neighbors of my grandmother found him, and thier kids (I don't know how young, but got the impression probably on the younger side) were with them.
KC - sorry to hear about what happened, man...
goodness, I'm sorry too
My parents also can't stand Ruth, so as a way to get away from her and avoid having to spend thanksgiving or any time with her they're going to La Crosse to be with grandma, so my lonliness is magnified by that and so is the isolation, having to deal with someone who I can't stand and quite frankly have a significant amount of rage towards. and being socially tolerable to be around will be a challenge. And you know what I've been like when I have start losing it.. And, Grandma's is having to move into assisted livin too.
Additionally, Susan is having a "girl" procedure today because we're in the cancer ballpark. Not there yet, but we're in the ballpark. On the upside, it's my first trip to the gyno today though. On the downside I was told no jokes and I can't sit in the stirrups.
Other than that, life's just freaking dandy.
I completely get what you are talking about - pretty much all of it.
In the midst of our grief, unhealthy family dynamics work things so that traditions change, isolating us further and magnifying our loss.
A bunch of us here "get it" - keep talking to us - we'll be listening.
Meanwhile, I'm sending you sincere hugs.
(((((Redbear)))))
:frown:
Sally has got an extremely strong bond with Merlin. He's only seven years old but there's going to be a time when he'll be gone too. All you can do is deal with it best you can.
There are a lot of dog breeds out there that are less allergic than others. We have some neighbors that just got a retriever/poodle cross that is supposed to not shed very much. They have a kid with pet allergies and they seem to get along well. Getting a new dog may not be something to rush into, but it's hard to quit cold turkey.
that sucks Tryg! REALLY!!!! I was hoping you weren't around because you were in bliss with your new honey. pun intended.
Susan is a wwwonderful woman, I know she wants to be there for you even if she may not feel the deepness you feel on this subject. She loves you and I'm sure she will do anything to make you feel better.
Did you see Kath and Kim the other night?
Kath didn't tell her fiance she was allergic to strawberries because she didn't want to disappoint him when he gave her strawberries. I can only think that Susan can find a way (through pills or keeping a pet in another part of the house or like Maddog said, a pet that doesn't give off as much hair) to meet you 1/2 way. I don't know what you will do but Susans a great person and your lucky to have eachother.
miss yah bear. way funny on the girl procedure - hope that goes well.
My thoughts are with you - losing your best friend is tough, been there done that....
Hugs
:frown:
I also am very sorry that you're having so much sadness and panic attacks.
Susan loves you and though she may not fully comprehend what you're going through, I know she loves you unconditionally and only wants the best for you.
Hang in there. Know we care and you know where to find us if you need to talk.
By the way one more reason to have more cooler at weddings to scare off the IN LAWS!!! :sheepish:
I'm sorry to hear about losing Sergeant and the difficult time your having dealing with it. I think that when you say you can't talk to Susan about it, you are wrong. Maybe she can't understand, but thats no reason to not try. She may surprise you.
As for holidays, it's always difficult to arrange time between two families. Just do the best you can. I'm sure everyone will understand.
Penny and I wish Susan the best of luck with her "girl" procedure. I'm sure things will be better.
http://www.dailytimes.com.pk/default.asp?page=2008\11\14\story_14-11-2008_pg9_6
Man granted divorce for mother-in-lawÂ’s nagging
A hen-pecked husband has been granted a divorce in Italy because his mother-in-law keeps nagging him. Shopkeeper Luca Rossi, told the court in Salerno that his wife’s mother didn’t leave him alone throughout four months of marriage. “I’d never believed stories and jokes about mothers-in-law but my marriage was hell and it was all her fault,” he said after the hearing. “It was hell right from the moment we said ‘I do’ at our wedding until the moment we split, just because my mother-in-law interfered in every single thing in our lives. “It was impossible. It led to one argument after another and there was no way a marriage could survive after that.”
Rossi said he would consider marriage again - but only if he did not have to deal with a mother-in-law. “Next time I’m hoping to find a girl who’s an orphan,” he added. ananova
.... hope things work themselves out....hang in there - deep breaths
Will keep you and Susan in my prayers xoxoxo
that could work depending on their families.
but then there is Christmas and Easter. ---he is gonna have to be around her sometime unless he just doesn't go. Mine will not attend any function my aunt Rolaine is at. period. Then I would have to decide if I would go or not. However, sometimes she would be there for a while during the day at Thanksgiving or Christmas and then leave and then he would come after she leaves. OR once in a long time he will just plain ignore her and stay on the opposite sides of the house. He also won't eat at the same table as her. He will take his food to another room.
sorry to hear of your loss, bear. yours (er mikes) too, jl.
  :goofy: :lipsealed: