Where we can expound on everything from global warming -- or the supposed lack thereof -- to, possibly, complaints about why it's looking more and more like a bad choice to have married a mean-tempered gal who weighs three hundred pounds and wears a medal she won in the war.
well, scribe, with some extra equipment he can fly. the landing might be rough, and depending on how powerful the catapult i sell you is, he may asphyxiate in the upper atmosphere due to significantly lower oxygen levels.
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"
        The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a
word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi, George. Say, what's with that group
ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
    The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
    The group was silent for a moment.
    The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight.
    The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
    The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
ian i got that email the other day too :)
Dude, stay away from the brown acid, man. It's not poison, man, it's just badacid, bro.
Can ya dig it?
http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/streetterms/ByType.asp?intTypeID=6
Space Captain:
Dude, they're on to us...check it out-we gotta dump the brown bombers
&
brown dots!
How many joints are in a lid?
Two. I roll big joints.
How many ounces in a lid?
I don't know if this is correct, but I have always thought a lid was an ounce.
I haven't heard the term "lid" since the last time I watched a cheech & chong movie. Do people still say that?
Oh, and Jimmy Buffett too. "My plans took a skid when I smoked the whole lid"
Dave's not here.
What is your name?
Aaaah, I knew it when I came in here, man...
10 seconds Bob.
Uuuuhhh, Bob!
It is Bob! Let's make a dope deal!
jt, where did that caption for the head end of this thread come from?
"Dave's not here."
I actually used this in my best Tommy Chong voice at a work meeting a few weeks ago, and to my surprise only one other person had a clue as to what I was talking about. Although the guffaw that came out of her was enough to compensate for the other atendees silence.
Nadho, am I to understand you tried to use this in a work context? How did you do it? I'm laughing now, just thinking of this room full of people staring at you like you just grew a second head.
We have a guy that was supposed to be in the meeting with the name of Dave. After two or three people asked for Dave, well you can figure out the rest. Luckily the attention went from me to the girl laughing histarically quite quickly.
OK you're right, I wouldn't have been able to resist either.
Not only was there silence from everyone in the room, but it just happened to have many attendees from other parts of the country on the teleconference left in stunned silence as well.
Nice, nice nice. And now they're all wondering, "What's wrong with those people in Minnesota?" hee hee
I was leaning against a wall again yesterday.
And a lot of really good looking women started going by.
Which caused me to think about that "feminine product" commercial on TV that concludes with the words "...the powerful man magnet that you are".
Which, in turn, caused me to wonder what would happen if, each time a babe passed, I started mock-fearfully saying "Man magnet!
Man magnet!" and acted as if an invisible force was drawing me forward.
Which I'd fight, drawing back, as if frightened of being devoured or something.
Would I get laughs?
A kick in the center of my universe?
Arrested?
I've gotta actually do it sometime.
Another thing that would be cool to try:
Scouting out a restroom in some club where Republicans
gather, and waiting till just one guy got into a stall.
Then whizzing at an adjacent urinal while loudly saying, in a crazed Bobcat Goldwaith voice:
"They just don't like me because I'm a Negro, homosexual and communist sympathizer!"
Man, you just know there'd be some frantic fumbling to make sure the stall's door was securely LOCKED...
If you do this, tape it.
Dear Member,
I need to let you know that America Online received the following report regarding a Terms of Service violation via instant message to another member. Here is the information I have placed on the account regarding this incident:
On Feb 10 2002 10:22PM EST the arthur....pool screen name sent an instant message to another Member of America Online. The following is an excerpt from the instant message: " arthur....pool: u fagot "
Our Terms of Service agreement, which was presented during the sign up process, allows America Online to be informative, entertaining and, above all, fun for all of our Members. You can review that agreement by using keyword TOS. This area also has information and tools you can use to help protect your account. Also, you may want to take a look at our PARENTAL CONTROLS. This will allow you, among other things, to limit and/or block specific screen names from various online activities.
Thanks for taking the time to read this letter. Please note, this screen name cannot accept replies. Therefore, if you have any comments or questions please send mail to TOSGeneral.
Regards,
America Online, Inc.
___________________
From: VINYLagain
To: TOSGeneral
CC: Arthur....pool
What exactly is offensive here?
Main Entry: 1fag·ot
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English fagot, from Middle French
Date: 14th century
: BUNDLE: as a : a bundle of sticks b : a bundle of pieces of wrought iron to be shaped by rolling or hammering at high temperature
_______________________
Dear Member,
We have reviewed your account, and our records do not support removal of the warning at this time. The notation will drop off of your account six months after the date it was issued.
As stated in the Terms of Service (TOS), the master account holder is responsible for all activity that takes place on an account.
We encourage you to visit Keyword: TOS and Keyword: Product Guidelines where you can review the Terms of Service and the Community Guidelines with anyone who has access to your America Online account. To learn more about how to protect your AOL account, we recommend you visit Keywords: Neighborhood Watch and Parental Controls.
If you have any comments or questions please send e-mail to TOSGeneral.
Regards,
__________________
Main Entry: 1fag·ot
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English fagot, from Middle French
Date: 14th century
: BUNDLE: as a : a bundle of sticks b : a bundle of pieces of wrought iron to be shaped by rolling or hammering at high temperature
I ask again: what is offensive here? The complainant is a friend of my son's and I don't think he knew the seriousness of his accusation. I wish to have this removed from his record.
____________
Subj: Fwd: Terms of Service
Date: 2/16/2002 10:22:13 PM Central Standard Time
To: TOSGen2
From: VINYLagain
...and our records do not support removal of the warning at this time.
__________
Date: 2/16/2002 11:08:25 PM Central Standard Time
From: VINYLagain
To: TOSGeneral
What records would support removal of the warning at this time? If Brandon Montry requests that it be removed, would that support removal? I really think this is petty. Does one screen name lose access, or the entire account? I have three AOL accounts, soon to be two, and it could very easily be none.
Ian Stevens
-----------------
 Subj: Fwd: Terms of Service
Date: 2/16/2002 11:49:05 PM Central Standard Time
From: TOSGen1
To: VINYLagain
Dear Member,
Thank you for writing regarding the Terms of Service notation on your account.
We have reviewed your account history,
and in light of the circumstances you described, rescinded the notation.
Community Action Team
wow. they do take the potential loss of a customer seriously!
I love effin' with 'em !
I signed up for AOL in 1994. It took me about 3 weeks to dump the Nazi's.
Yeah, that was gonna be my next question, Ian...are you an actual AOL user/customer? And if so, why?
kids
S#*t! Power keeps going off and on!
Oh-its back on! and alarms are going off somewhere outside!
WILLIAM WAS STRANGE THAT WAY
Alan and Henry were a garbage man's boys/Their mamma had long gone insane/And I don't recall that they ever had toys/They'd just play in the puddles in the rain.
Jimmy and Timmy were the neighborhood twins/We'd watch Mr. Ed on TV/A horse is a horse, of course, of course/As even Francis the Mule would agree.
(Chorus) And William would wave to the switchyard trains/He'd stand there and do it each day/It got so the crewmen would never wave back/William was strange that way.
Sarah was pretty, but damned she could box!/She'd knock us all down with her blows/There wasn't a kid who could stand up to her/And not a one who'd complain, I suppose.
Johnny was tough, or so he'd pretend/He'd never show anyone fear/Except for the time he was nearly run down/And ran into the woods like a deer.
(Chorus) And William would wave to the switchyard trains/He'd stand there and do it each day/It got so the crewmen would never wave back/William was strange that way.
Yeah, William was strange that way...
Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap..........
Interesting, THX...I see you have the clap.
Hey!
I notice we've had a "Blind Lemon Becky" posting here from time to time.
That's amusing.
I remember someone telling me that blues singers
like to name themselves after a physical impairment, a fruit, and a president -- such as Blind Lemon Jefferson.
I don't know about you, but I'd pay good money to go hear someone called Paraplegic Kumquat Polk.
I am often amused by the number of people who mis-spell this word. What's funny to me, is that 9 out of 10 times it's mis-spelled the same exact way. I kinda wonder if Ilearned it the wrong way. Spelling was the one subject that I aced in school, with math right behind (up to algebra, that is). I hate it if I make mistakes on here, and haveto edit to correct. I'm a one-finger typer, so I make a lot of mistakes if I'm in a hurry.
Anyway, the consensus on how to spell the word seems to be:
convience
Can't these people ever figure it out? Oasis is a
k&n-'vEn-y&n(t)s
store, not a
k&n-'vE-&n(t)s
store. Well, that's my gripe. B.F.D.
MONDAY MORNING MUSINGS
Worst dining experience known to man, excluding possibly that of the cartoon explorer in the cannibals' cook pot:
Having a chili dog and a Mr. Pibb at Sams Club, in Duluth, on one of maybe eight little plastic benches, situated directly in front of the checkouts and the steady parade of big carts full of big purchases (not costly, just BIG).
What's someone gonna do with a jumbo-sized carton containing many smaller boxes of Animal Crackers anyway?
---
How to avoid starvation should the need arise:
Go to the leading supermarket in town on a Saturday.
You will find anywhere from six to ten card tables set up where free samples are being given away, usually in small paper cups, or on a toothpick.
Taken together, such samples constitute a modest meal of reasonable nourishment.
You might even get to wash it down with some sort of juice.
Try not to wear your worst hobo duds, act as if you think the stuff is wonderful, and that you'll buy two or three of the entire product.
"Oh, this is really good! What did you say it's called? 'Pickled Weasal Knees'? Mmm-mmm!"
---
Actual ad accidentally stumbled across on the Internet:
HUMUNGOUS BUTT PLUG
"This butt Plug is truly Humungous. Please do not order unless you understand the size. This plug stands about 9 inches high and at its widest point is about 5 inches (12 centimeters) wide (diameter). The top triangle shape part of the plug is approximately 5 x 5 inches. This plug is made of a soft rubber. Humungous Plug - Product #SE0405-01, $30"
Thank you kindly for the warning.
I will not order it.
Now that I understand its size.
So you think "covenience" is a problem word when it comes to spelling? I'd have to say without a doubt the most misspelled word on the internet is definitely "definitely". There's the common misspelling "definately" that's almost correct, but it just goes downhill from there to "defanately", "defanitly", and "defnatly".
Still, that doesn't bug me as much as when people confuse "lose" and "loose" like when someone types "I hate it when I loose my keys." Loose is an adjective. It has an "s" sound. It's the opposite of tight. Lose is a verb. It has a "z" sound. It's the opposite of find or win. You lose your keys. You lose a game. While you can loosen something, you would never loose it.
Typos are one thing, and people spell words wrong all the time, but there's something about this one that goes beyond that. I can't believe how many people I've seen who have otherwise perfect spelling still make that mistake. It's becoming so common in fact, that I suspect people are starting to believe it's actually correct because they see it so often, including from people who don't normally make such errors. It's no longer just a mistake, it's a trend. But we already have a word "loose". We don't need to have both words spelled the same way and thereby make the language even more confusing. And in these days of abbreviated spellings for everything from "u" (you) to "cud" (could), why would anyone want to add extra letters to something anyway? If you don't help stop this trend towards bad spelling, then the terrorists have already won!
Right on, Allison!
And my other beef:
STAMP OUT SUPERFLUOUS APOSTROPHES!
"internet" should be capitalized.
:-)
capitalised should be spelled with an s. of course, that's just my personal crusade to simplify the english language.
:-)
LOL!
I often have trouble with the word "Certain". I always spell it "Certian" and don't notice the misspelling.
recently i've had this penchant for spelling words like using with the e in them. that probably comes from my penchant for spelling useable with the e in it. i think that i'll shoot myself once i start catching myself using colour and metre instead of color and meter. thankfully that hasn't happened yet.
I find myself wanting to spell Rumor in the english fashion (or the Fleetwood Mac version), Rumour
rumour is the only one i'd consider doing that to. not colour, not honour, not any of the other ones. (are there any other ones?)
favour?
ok that's 4.
arbour?
clamour?
glamour?
inquisitour?
divisitour?
antidisestablismentourianism?
Maybe we fhould ftart ufing f'f inftead of f'f, like the Founding Fatherf ufed to do. What are the rulef behind that ufage?
They only ufe one f in Congrefs. If that the only exception?