The Situation Room

For those of you that haven't heard on facebook, MysticalMusik (or whatever, her real name is Nicole)'s husband Mark passed away today. He was 28. Currently he's at the coroner and details are sketchy, but from what I understand he was fine when he woke up this morning, and then collapsed.

Mark was a lot of things, but one thing is for sure, Mark loved Nicole with all of his big heart. And for all of their trying, Mark and Nicole had a beautiful little girl that now doesn't have a father.

For any of you that took more than a passing glance at the two of them at Cooler events, it was probably fairly evident that they weren't well off. They live in a trailer with Nicole's mom north of Maplewood. They have practically no money. Actually that's not really fair, they have literally no money, and funeral expenses to bear are certainly difficult. And there wasn't any life insurance, to boot.

To make matters worse, if you didn't know, Nicole's dad was shot in the stomach just before Christmas and has been in intensive care for several weeks. The hits just keep on coming.

To put it plainly - Nicole, for better or worse, one of our own - has no money to bury her husband and the father of her daughter.

Ares' wife Sue (I forget her Cooler name) and I are going to spend the next few days begging, pleading, calling in favors, engineering anything we can to help bury Mark in a dignified manner, and at least try to help them through the tragedy as best we can. These are prideful people, and are going through tremendous amounts of pain, first with the father, and now with Mark, so we're going to do what we can behind the scenes.

We're going to set up a collection for Katilynn and for funeral expenses we can't arrange for free. If you'd like to donate to it, it would go a long way to helping out a friend in need.

I've got a paypal account setup at pay@trygveo.com, you can send money there. We'll use it to pay any funeral expenses we can and then give the rest to Katilynn in the name of the Cooler crew, quietly.

Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for helping. Sorry to put a buzzkill on the pre-hunt fever. Please help if you can.

~Trygve

Thank you for takeing the time to do it I wish there was something I could do to help as most of you know I dont have a job so Any Leg work I can do to help out in that Way Let me know!!

Mark was a Vary Good guy I knew him from other places then the CC and Know that although they didnt have much Mark would have giving anyone and I mean ANYONE the Shirt off his Back to help them! Eaven if someone had a problem with him he never had any problems with anyone!!!

I Wish MM Nothing but the BEST!! And Know we can pull something together for them! like we always do!! We are a strong group what ever our problems with one another we all can come together and thats why I keep coming back here all the time!!!

It's no buzzkill, Tryg - it's something important. Thanks for taking the initiative. I dunno what I can give as far as money donations, but we'll try to scrape something together. Words escape me for how ugly her situation has become.

Maybe another benefit is in order - at the very least a pass of the hat at the Pre-Dig.

Obviously publicity is NOT on the menu at this time, but would it hurt to contact Kyle Porter (the Kare 11 reporter who did the TV spot on her dad) and see if they can do anything to help? I dunno where the police are with her father's case, but a follow-up story sometime in the near future may help a lot for their situation once a fund is established.

Many of us are no strangers to grief, and it is still never easy to know what to say, what to do, what to write, at a time like this. Others may feel uncomfortable, not knowing what to say, what to do.

I wish I'd seen this piece years ago, maybe could have sent it to people so they might know how to help me. It was just posted on a widow board where I have read and posted for the past six years.

For what it is worth, I want to share this here:

HOW YOU CAN HELP

Please talk about my loved one, even though he is gone. It is more

comforting to cry than to pretend that he never existed. I need to talk

about him, and I need to do it over and over.

Be patient with my agitation. Nothing feels secure in my world. Get

comfortable with my crying. Sadness hits me in waves, and I never know

when my tears may flow. Just sit with me in silence and hold my hand.

Don't abandon me with the excuse that you don't want to upset me. You

can't catch my grief. My world is painful, and when you are too afraid

to call me or visit or say anything, you isolate me at a time when I

most need to be cared about. If you don't know what to say, just come

over, give me a hug or touch my arm, and gently say, "I'm sorry." You

can even say, "I just don't know what to say, but I care, and want you

to know that."

Just because I look good does not mean that I feel good. Ask me how I

feel only if you really have time to find out.

I am not strong. I'm just numb. When you tell me I am strong, I feel

that you don't see me.

I will not recover. This is not a cold or the flu. I'm not sick. I'm

grieving and that's different. My grieving may only begin 6 months after my loved one's death. Don't think that I will be over it in a year. For I am not only grieving his death, but also the person I was when I was with him, the life that we shared, the plans we had for watching our children and grandchildren grow, the places we will never get to go together, and the hopes and dreams that will never come true. My whole world has crumbled and I will never be the same.

I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget my

loved one and rather than recover, I want to incorporate his life and

love into the rest of my life. He is a part of me and always will be,

and sometimes I will remember him with joy and other times with a tear.

Both are okay.

I don't have to accept the death. Yes, I have to understand that it has

happened and it is real, but there are some things in life that are just not acceptable.

When you tell me what I should be doing, then I feel even more lost and

alone. I feel badly enough that my loved one is dead, so please don't

make it worse by telling me I'm not doing this right.

Please don't tell me I can find someone else or that I need to start

dating again. I'm not ready. And maybe I don't want to. And besides,

what makes you think people are replaceable? They aren't. Whoever comes

after will always be someone different.

I don't even understand what you mean when you say, "You've got to get

on with your life." My life is going on, I've been forced to take on

many new responsibilities and roles. It may not look the way you think

it should. This will take time and I will never be my old self again. So please, just love me as I am today, and know that with your love and

support, the joy will slowly return to my life. But I will never forget

and there will always be times that I cry.

I need to know that you care about me. I need to feel your touch, your

hugs. I need you just to be with me, and I need to be with you. I need

to know you believe in me and in my ability to get through my grief in

my own way, and in my own time.

Please don't say, "Call me if you need anything." I'll never call you

because I have no idea what I need. Trying to figure out what you could

do for me takes more energy than I have. So, in advance, let me give you some ideas:

(a) Bring food or a movie over to watch together.

(b) Send me a card on special holidays, his birthday, and the

anniversary of his death, and be sure to mention his name. You can't

make me cry. The tears are here and I will love you for giving me the

opportunity to shed them because someone cared enough about me to reach

out on this difficult day.

(c) Ask me more than once to join you at a movie or lunch or dinner. I

may so no at first or even for a while, but please don't give up on me

because somewhere down the line, I may be ready, and if you've given up

then I really will be alone.

(d) Understand how difficult it is for me to be surrounded by couples,

to walk into events alone, to go home alone, to feel out of place in the same situations where I used to feel so comfortable.

Continued in next post...

Please don't judge me now - or think that I'm behaving strangely.

Remember I'm grieving. I may even be in shock. I am afraid. I may feel

deep rage. I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt. I'm

experiencing a pain unlike any I've ever felt before and one that can't

be imagined by anyone who has not walked in my shoes.

Don't worry if you think I'm getting better and then suddenly I seem to

slip backward. Grief makes me behave this way at times. And please don't

tell me you know how I feel, or that it's time for me to get on with my

life. What I need now is time to grieve.

Most of all thank you for being my friend. Thank you for your patience.

Thank you for caring. Thank you for helping, for understanding. Thank

you for praying for me.

And remember in the days or years ahead, after your loss - when you need

me as I have needed you - I will understand. And then I will come and be

with you.

I just came on today and to say I was shocked doesn't even begin to name my feelings. Mark was such a great guy and so very young. I can't imagine what Nicole is going through right now. I will make every attempt to donate something but like so many others I really don't have much either this economy has been hard on a lot of us the past couple of years. Any donation I make won't be able to be until Friday when I get paid but I will set something aside.

That is terrible news. Stephanie and I would like to help. Should I use the PayPal account or call Sue?

Oh my god... saying a bunch of prayers. I will try to scrounge some money for the hat at the pre dig.

Wow - I cannot believe how cruel life is....

Makes me wonder out loud at times if there is a God why does he allow someone to go through these things...life is unfair.

Praying for MM and her little girl.

R

I agree Randy, it gets to the point where enough is enough. MM's family has struggled through enough and I just cannot understand why something like this needs to be heaped on in addition to all the other stuff.

I so very much agree. People try to explain these things, they say everything happens for a reason, another door is being opened to something better, he is in a better place, perhaps he was spared something worse, you are so strong, and to young women especially, they say things like you will find someone else, you are young.

And all of those platitudes are BS, and it hurts to hear them, and newly bereaved lack the energy to defend against these untruths, so the (usually) well-meaning sayers go away thinking they have comforted the grieving person.

Arrrgggghhhh!

It is the presence of friends and family that matter, the practical help (financial, food, errands, etc.), the people who do not disappear after the funeral, who make all the difference and will be gratefully remembered all our lives.

I have no job and find it difficult to feed myself and my pets, and get the rent and utilities paid so I cannot give financially at this time. But a tank of gas lasts me a month so I could run errands like grocery shopping and stuff like that. Also, I could baby sit. I could also maybe chauffer if Mystical would need that.

There must be something else I can do that I'm not thinking of. If anyone has ideas, let me kow - don't hesitate to ask me. I will be happy to do whatever I can.

Here's a really big idea... What if one of us find the Medallion and pledge the money to a trust fund for Mystical's daughter? At a minimum the groceries?

Yeah, I know. Easy for me to say since I'll never find it. But it is an idea. Just tossing it out there.

green

I dunno if it's possible to 'forward' the Hunt money/prizes to someone else - I don't think I would hesitate to give MM the Groceries - I would think at least that portion would be immune from taxes and such.

Way easy to 'forward.' One would just set up the account. If one was so inclined. I would think there would be a loophole here or there for non- profits.

The "thought process" that goes into that is that the person wants badly to "fix" the bereaved person's grief. There are a number of selfish reasons for this (this could happen to them, and they like to think there is some measure of control as to how one manages their own grief, otherwise it is just too scary to think about), as well as often some genuine love and concern of not wanting the person to be hurting. They also have seen many, many people who seem to do pretty well once the funeral is over, but they have no clue what walking wounded we are, and for a very long time. Our society is very narrow-minded about grief and loss, and we are wanted to fit what they *think* would be normal. And it is just not so.

green!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have trouble posting as I cannot afford Internet and do from my phone. So please xcuse any weirdness that comes up.

Mom will be on later, but has given me permission to speak for her at this time. First of all, does anyone know the name of Mystical's family's pizza parlor that used to be nextdoor to Dara's on Rice? Mom is of the mind of contacting bidnesses along and somehow helping out. I will let her elaborate.

I can help Mom with this. Iceman, you could help with this, too. We could work the area together.

Mom will detail later. Rite now she's draining the swamp. But her idea(s) are good.

I have a daughter who is a little older than Nic's daughter - I am not sure if this is a fitting place for this but, we do have a ton of clothes, winter jackets, boots, shoes etc.....I would love to help anyway I can!

Randy, that's a great idea and very thoughtful! All we can do to lessen costs and stress will allow Mystical to deal with emotions is a help!

Is it possible it post a link to the paypal site for easy access? Thanks

All, there's this place at Magnolia and Rice... A bar place that does meat raffles and rite next to that there's this does wedding recptions; some enthinic place like...

I don't know. Mom, that might be a place to hit for having a benefit. I would think they would remember the pizza place. The bar mite be a place we could hit foe a benefit bmeat raffle since they do that already? Though I may be thinking of the same place...

green

Hello all....I read this news last night, and was so shocked and saddened, I didn't know what to say.

My time is very limited right now, as I am caring for my 80 year old mother at her home, won't go into all that here and now, but please forgive me for posting kind of scattered.

While laying awake last night, the ONE thought that came to me to potentially raise some funds was to contact some of the North End businesses near where MM's family's pizza place used to be. I recall her talking about it, and knew where it was, but never went there personally. I THINK it was called something like "Papa Mike's" or something like that.

But in any case, it was a neighborhood place that had been there for years, and I'm sure that a lot of the families that used to frequent the place would care enough about the family that ran it to help out -- if only they knew all that had happened.

Dar's ice cream is right next door, and I know the guy that owns it is a super nice fella. I would suggest some simple flyers, with info on the family, noting that they ran the long running pizza place and info on how to help, contact phone #'s, paypal account?...

Then go to (especially) the mom and pop type places around the area - and even some of the "bigger" ones (like Capital Bank) and request permission to hang the flyers, and if and when a benefit is arranged do the same with flyers about where and when.

And I agree -- it would be nice to have the paypal link up top -- cause I keep meaning to send at least a little something to it, and then I forget about it!!

And just in case anyone is available to do this AND thinks it's a good idea...when talking to the neighboring businesses and for the flyer, I just googled and confirmed the name of the pizza joint.

It was Papa Mikes.

I just sent some money to Paypal, It takes a few days to clear as I understand... Since I'm 4 weeks away from my 1st baby I'm trying to conserve but hopefully it helps.

If I find the medallion I will make sure she sees some of the money.

No doubt about it.

Site to donate: www.paypal.com

address to donate to: pay@trygveo.com

current total needed: $886.

Thanks to those who have donated what they can!

I am dedication my hunt to Mark And If I find it! I had a dream after I found out about this that I would give half of the money to his family so that is my pledge that if and when I find it!

I had thought about it last night! alot before going to bed that I had planed to give half of the money to them!

and after the dream that Is what I have to do!

I am still having a hard time getting my head around this!Mark was such a good guy!

Hopefully you find it.

Your still riding in the cart with me and your mom and Rick!! lol

But I have to do what I have to do with them money! And I think it is the right thing to do with the money I have always said its not about the money and I would donate half of the money when I find it! and I think this is the best way I can donate that money if I find it!

I will be posting all of this on Facebook, Mark and Nicole have a lot of friends that I am sure will do whatever they can to help.

Found a local flower shop to donate an arrangement from Nic and Kait:

Lakeside Floral: 999 Wildwood Road, White Bear Lake (actually in mahtomedi I believe). Anyone close that could pick up the arrangement tomorrow before 2?

this may have been posted, but is Yarusso's donating catering? I want to give both places a shout out on the facebook post if so...

I spoke to Tony Yarusso today, they're considering it. I told them we'd basically live there during the hunt if they did, and given the track record (and the food) I don't think I was overstating anything.

Thanks Kat for donating.

I agree. Plus I will shout them out in all Facebook posts- which will be huge if we all copy and paste...

Thanks for the link.

Has anyone reached out to MA (PP) on this at all or is that too far fetched to consider?

Would be good pub for the SPWC......

I bet some of the med hunt sponsors would be willing to help out....Cub has always been very active in supporting things...not sure if they would be willing to "go on record" for helping but I assume Ruben would be a good source to see if they could do a follow up piece and get the PP readers public help involved too..

Cub is a great idea RR. I was just thinking about groceries for them. I will try to get info on their corporate office.

Quick post update from my end:

1) Yarusso's stepped up quite nicely - catering the funeral reception, pasta, salad, bread, etc. for 100 at no charge.

2) Donations are a little over $300 so far that have been paypal-ed to me. I'll write individual thank you notes to people.

I've donated what I can at this time.

The ideas folks have about donations of groceries and clothes are wonderful. I wish I had the time to go do some asking for donations from Northend businesses, but I can't take time off work and the evenings are short and not a good time to go asking for money from businesses as the managers are usually on only during the day.

Nicole must feel so empty and confused.

Final tally, day 1: $645.01 (the .01 was from Kitch, but that wasn't all he gave. :wink: )

Question: Who is Stanley Stanjous?

WoW! I can't give till friday. :frown:

Question....Why do we lock out Nicole?? I think it would be nice and comforting for her to know whats going on and being said. It's not like she has a lot of time to read it anyways.

agreed.

BTW, her situation sounds eerily familiar to when my sister's husband passed away... Just thought I'd mention it after reading all the info.