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Given the nature of what's transpired this morning, I feel it appropriate to open up the situation room once again. everyone but mystical muzik has access to the thread.
Donations can be made to the family via paypal at http://www.paypal.com/
sent to the account pay@trygveo.com
Donations can be made to the family via paypal at http://www.paypal.com/
sent to the account pay@trygveo.com
Mark was a lot of things, but one thing is for sure, Mark loved Nicole with all of his big heart. And for all of their trying, Mark and Nicole had a beautiful little girl that now doesn't have a father.
For any of you that took more than a passing glance at the two of them at Cooler events, it was probably fairly evident that they weren't well off. They live in a trailer with Nicole's mom north of Maplewood. They have practically no money. Actually that's not really fair, they have literally no money, and funeral expenses to bear are certainly difficult. And there wasn't any life insurance, to boot.
To make matters worse, if you didn't know, Nicole's dad was shot in the stomach just before Christmas and has been in intensive care for several weeks. The hits just keep on coming.
To put it plainly - Nicole, for better or worse, one of our own - has no money to bury her husband and the father of her daughter.
Ares' wife Sue (I forget her Cooler name) and I are going to spend the next few days begging, pleading, calling in favors, engineering anything we can to help bury Mark in a dignified manner, and at least try to help them through the tragedy as best we can. These are prideful people, and are going through tremendous amounts of pain, first with the father, and now with Mark, so we're going to do what we can behind the scenes.
We're going to set up a collection for Katilynn and for funeral expenses we can't arrange for free. If you'd like to donate to it, it would go a long way to helping out a friend in need.
I've got a paypal account setup at pay@trygveo.com, you can send money there. We'll use it to pay any funeral expenses we can and then give the rest to Katilynn in the name of the Cooler crew, quietly.
Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for helping. Sorry to put a buzzkill on the pre-hunt fever. Please help if you can.
~Trygve
Mark was a Vary Good guy I knew him from other places then the CC and Know that although they didnt have much Mark would have giving anyone and I mean ANYONE the Shirt off his Back to help them! Eaven if someone had a problem with him he never had any problems with anyone!!!
I Wish MM Nothing but the BEST!! And Know we can pull something together for them! like we always do!! We are a strong group what ever our problems with one another we all can come together and thats why I keep coming back here all the time!!!
Maybe another benefit is in order - at the very least a pass of the hat at the Pre-Dig.
Obviously publicity is NOT on the menu at this time, but would it hurt to contact Kyle Porter (the Kare 11 reporter who did the TV spot on her dad) and see if they can do anything to help? I dunno where the police are with her father's case, but a follow-up story sometime in the near future may help a lot for their situation once a fund is established.
I wish I'd seen this piece years ago, maybe could have sent it to people so they might know how to help me. It was just posted on a widow board where I have read and posted for the past six years.
For what it is worth, I want to share this here:
HOW YOU CAN HELP
Please talk about my loved one, even though he is gone. It is more
comforting to cry than to pretend that he never existed. I need to talk
about him, and I need to do it over and over.
Be patient with my agitation. Nothing feels secure in my world. Get
comfortable with my crying. Sadness hits me in waves, and I never know
when my tears may flow. Just sit with me in silence and hold my hand.
Don't abandon me with the excuse that you don't want to upset me. You
can't catch my grief. My world is painful, and when you are too afraid
to call me or visit or say anything, you isolate me at a time when I
most need to be cared about. If you don't know what to say, just come
over, give me a hug or touch my arm, and gently say, "I'm sorry." You
can even say, "I just don't know what to say, but I care, and want you
to know that."
Just because I look good does not mean that I feel good. Ask me how I
feel only if you really have time to find out.
I am not strong. I'm just numb. When you tell me I am strong, I feel
that you don't see me.
I will not recover. This is not a cold or the flu. I'm not sick. I'm
grieving and that's different. My grieving may only begin 6 months after my loved one's death. Don't think that I will be over it in a year. For I am not only grieving his death, but also the person I was when I was with him, the life that we shared, the plans we had for watching our children and grandchildren grow, the places we will never get to go together, and the hopes and dreams that will never come true. My whole world has crumbled and I will never be the same.
I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget my
loved one and rather than recover, I want to incorporate his life and
love into the rest of my life. He is a part of me and always will be,
and sometimes I will remember him with joy and other times with a tear.
Both are okay.
I don't have to accept the death. Yes, I have to understand that it has
happened and it is real, but there are some things in life that are just not acceptable.
When you tell me what I should be doing, then I feel even more lost and
alone. I feel badly enough that my loved one is dead, so please don't
make it worse by telling me I'm not doing this right.
Please don't tell me I can find someone else or that I need to start
dating again. I'm not ready. And maybe I don't want to. And besides,
what makes you think people are replaceable? They aren't. Whoever comes
after will always be someone different.
I don't even understand what you mean when you say, "You've got to get
on with your life." My life is going on, I've been forced to take on
many new responsibilities and roles. It may not look the way you think
it should. This will take time and I will never be my old self again. So please, just love me as I am today, and know that with your love and
support, the joy will slowly return to my life. But I will never forget
and there will always be times that I cry.
I need to know that you care about me. I need to feel your touch, your
hugs. I need you just to be with me, and I need to be with you. I need
to know you believe in me and in my ability to get through my grief in
my own way, and in my own time.
Please don't say, "Call me if you need anything." I'll never call you
because I have no idea what I need. Trying to figure out what you could
do for me takes more energy than I have. So, in advance, let me give you some ideas:
(a) Bring food or a movie over to watch together.
(b) Send me a card on special holidays, his birthday, and the
anniversary of his death, and be sure to mention his name. You can't
make me cry. The tears are here and I will love you for giving me the
opportunity to shed them because someone cared enough about me to reach
out on this difficult day.
(c) Ask me more than once to join you at a movie or lunch or dinner. I
may so no at first or even for a while, but please don't give up on me
because somewhere down the line, I may be ready, and if you've given up
then I really will be alone.
(d) Understand how difficult it is for me to be surrounded by couples,
to walk into events alone, to go home alone, to feel out of place in the same situations where I used to feel so comfortable.
Continued in next post...
Remember I'm grieving. I may even be in shock. I am afraid. I may feel
deep rage. I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt. I'm
experiencing a pain unlike any I've ever felt before and one that can't
be imagined by anyone who has not walked in my shoes.
Don't worry if you think I'm getting better and then suddenly I seem to
slip backward. Grief makes me behave this way at times. And please don't
tell me you know how I feel, or that it's time for me to get on with my
life. What I need now is time to grieve.
Most of all thank you for being my friend. Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for caring. Thank you for helping, for understanding. Thank
you for praying for me.
And remember in the days or years ahead, after your loss - when you need
me as I have needed you - I will understand. And then I will come and be
with you.
thanks to everyone for their continued support of nicole and her family at this difficult time.
from what we know, mark was feeling fine this morning, talked to nicole. he told her he was taking katy into the living room, sat down on the couch and shortly thereafter, slumped over. the paramedics were called who tried 3 times to defib him with no response. he was pronoucned dead at st. johns hospital at around 1030 this morning. he had no known pre-existing medical conditions, however his mother also passed away suddenly at the age of 32, so the autopsy will determine whether this was a congenital issue or something else. his death was quick and painless, which is a blessing. that's all that anyone knows right now; hopefully the autopsy will clarify what really happened.
a benefit is in progress. lilman is working on that. if anyone has any contributions to make, sue's cell is 612-817-5118, and she'll be out with nicole all day tomorrow.
Makes me wonder out loud at times if there is a God why does he allow someone to go through these things...life is unfair.
Praying for MM and her little girl.
R
And all of those platitudes are BS, and it hurts to hear them, and newly bereaved lack the energy to defend against these untruths, so the (usually) well-meaning sayers go away thinking they have comforted the grieving person.
Arrrgggghhhh!
It is the presence of friends and family that matter, the practical help (financial, food, errands, etc.), the people who do not disappear after the funeral, who make all the difference and will be gratefully remembered all our lives.
There must be something else I can do that I'm not thinking of. If anyone has ideas, let me kow - don't hesitate to ask me. I will be happy to do whatever I can.
Here's a really big idea... What if one of us find the Medallion and pledge the money to a trust fund for Mystical's daughter? At a minimum the groceries?
Yeah, I know. Easy for me to say since I'll never find it. But it is an idea. Just tossing it out there.
green
and green!!! omg!!! you're back!!!
Mom will be on later, but has given me permission to speak for her at this time. First of all, does anyone know the name of Mystical's family's pizza parlor that used to be nextdoor to Dara's on Rice? Mom is of the mind of contacting bidnesses along and somehow helping out. I will let her elaborate.
I can help Mom with this. Iceman, you could help with this, too. We could work the area together.
Mom will detail later. Rite now she's draining the swamp. But her idea(s) are good.
I don't know. Mom, that might be a place to hit for having a benefit. I would think they would remember the pizza place. The bar mite be a place we could hit foe a benefit bmeat raffle since they do that already? Though I may be thinking of the same place...
green
My time is very limited right now, as I am caring for my 80 year old mother at her home, won't go into all that here and now, but please forgive me for posting kind of scattered.
While laying awake last night, the ONE thought that came to me to potentially raise some funds was to contact some of the North End businesses near where MM's family's pizza place used to be. I recall her talking about it, and knew where it was, but never went there personally. I THINK it was called something like "Papa Mike's" or something like that.
But in any case, it was a neighborhood place that had been there for years, and I'm sure that a lot of the families that used to frequent the place would care enough about the family that ran it to help out -- if only they knew all that had happened.
Dar's ice cream is right next door, and I know the guy that owns it is a super nice fella. I would suggest some simple flyers, with info on the family, noting that they ran the long running pizza place and info on how to help, contact phone #'s, paypal account?...
Then go to (especially) the mom and pop type places around the area - and even some of the "bigger" ones (like Capital Bank) and request permission to hang the flyers, and if and when a benefit is arranged do the same with flyers about where and when.
And I agree -- it would be nice to have the paypal link up top -- cause I keep meaning to send at least a little something to it, and then I forget about it!!
It was Papa Mikes.
Funeral Friday Morning 10am at same.
If I find the medallion I will make sure she sees some of the money.
No doubt about it.
address to donate to: pay@trygveo.com
current total needed: $886.
Thanks to those who have donated what they can!
I had thought about it last night! alot before going to bed that I had planed to give half of the money to them!
and after the dream that Is what I have to do!
I am still having a hard time getting my head around this!Mark was such a good guy!
But I have to do what I have to do with them money! And I think it is the right thing to do with the money I have always said its not about the money and I would donate half of the money when I find it! and I think this is the best way I can donate that money if I find it!
Found a local flower shop to donate an arrangement from Nic and Kait:
Lakeside Floral: 999 Wildwood Road, White Bear Lake (actually in mahtomedi I believe). Anyone close that could pick up the arrangement tomorrow before 2?
this may have been posted, but is Yarusso's donating catering? I want to give both places a shout out on the facebook post if so...
Thanks Kat for donating.
Would be good pub for the SPWC......
1) Yarusso's stepped up quite nicely - catering the funeral reception, pasta, salad, bread, etc. for 100 at no charge.
2) Donations are a little over $300 so far that have been paypal-ed to me. I'll write individual thank you notes to people.
The ideas folks have about donations of groceries and clothes are wonderful. I wish I had the time to go do some asking for donations from Northend businesses, but I can't take time off work and the evenings are short and not a good time to go asking for money from businesses as the managers are usually on only during the day.
Nicole must feel so empty and confused.
Question: Who is Stanley Stanjous?
BTW, her situation sounds eerily familiar to when my sister's husband passed away... Just thought I'd mention it after reading all the info.
Pagination