I can sure appreciate the dread of the holidaze coming up.
There were two holiday seasons where I just stayed away from the family gatherings because of the damaging stuff that was going on right then. I actually spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day alone one year - just me and the animals - when I heard some of the stuff that went on at the gatherings that year, I was glad I'd stayed away.
It is a toss-up - only you know if you can plan something that will work but not exacerbate the isolation.
Know that you are not alone in this stuff, and that it is OK to do whatever YOU need to do this year to get through it.
We'll hear the results of the Biopsy 1st week in december. As for Thanksgiving, Susan talked to her Father yesterday. Apparently her mother is going through a colossal depression. And their furnace is broke (if only they had a handy son-in-law that they actually respected and didn't treat like dirt?) and remember, Ruth is a complusive hoarder, so to actually get to the furnace probably took at least two days of literal digging. Plus Susan's mother isn't speaking to her because Susan never calls her. (She's had end of quarter at her job and end of semester at grad school plus a husband that's lost it, so you can imagine her phone time is plentiful.) One of the family friends just lost their home, so all of the church friends helped her move out...but Ruth never called us. So: Her immaturity in not sharing anything with us actually caused more work for her to move boxes and s*it. And we looked like cruel kids for never going, but the sharing the information in the first place never happened for us to have the opportunity to be cruel kids. Truth of the matter is we would have dropped everything to help, because her husband was such an ass he made the newspaper. (google John Beall). Thanksgiving's just going to be a riot.
DOCTOR'S LICENSE REVOKED BY STATE LAPSES INCLUDE PATIENT SEXUAL RELATIONS
  A family practice physician who was recently employed by Allina Medical Clinic in Eagan has been stripped of the right to practice medicine in Minnesota after admitting to a litany of ethical breaches with two female patients, including infecting one of them with a sexually transmitted disease. Dr. John Beall, 57, of South St. Paul, admitted to maintaining a 20-year sexual relationship with a female patient while prescribing her increasing dosages of prescription drugs.
It's weird the past few months have been really hard for some reason, at weird times some memory will pop into my head and I'll just cry...I'm not going to say that his death from the start wasn't hard on me but it makes it harder when it creeps up on me and the memory is suddenly there rather than the fresh open wound right after he died. I don't know it's hard to explain.
Hugs to all who have lost a close relative, friend or animal in their lives this holiday season.
Susan's chart was just updated online, no cancer or growths. We'll get the official message after her gyno appt. today but it's finally looking positive.
this is beginning to look like that scary movie where all the people in the motel have something in common before being murdered.... their birth dates were all the same. :ooh: :ooh:
That made me think of an oldie-but-a-goodie that I resurrected a few days ago for a friend of mine who is having a particularly difficult time this holiday season and just hit the three-year anniversary of her husband's passing.
The following was graciously shared on a grief support board. Many found this to be so helpful to read, and shared it with those they knew wanted to help but just weren't sure how:
"This is for those of you who have friends and family that want to help but dont know how to. Print this out and give it to them.
HOW YOU CAN HELP ME
Please talk about my loved one, even though he is gone. It is more
comforting to cry than to pretend that he never existed. I need to talk
about him, and I need to do it over and over.
Be patient with my agitation. Nothing feels secure in my world. Get
comfortable with my crying. Sadness hits me in waves, and I never know
when my tears may flow. Just sit with me in silence and hold my hand.
Don't abandon me with the excuse that you don't want to upset me. You
can't catch my grief. My world is painful, and when you are too afraid
to call me or visit or say anything, you isolate me at a time when I
most need to be cared about. If you don't know what to say, just come
over, give me a hug or touch my arm, and gently say, "I'm sorry." You
can even say, "I just don't know what to say, but I care, and want you
to know that."
Just because I look good does not mean that I feel good. Ask me how I
feel only if you really have time to find out.
I am not strong. I'm just numb. When you tell me I am strong, I feel
that you don't see me.
I will not recover. This is not a cold or the flu. I'm not sick. I'm
grieving and that's different. My grieving may only begin 6 months after
my loved one's death. Don't think that I will be over it in a year. For
I am not only grieving his death, but also the person I was when I was
with him, the life that we shared, the plans we had for watching our
children and grandchildren grow, the places we will never get to go together, and the
hopes and dreams that will never come true. My whole world has crumbled
and I will never be the same.
I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget my
loved one and rather than recover, I want to incorporate his life and
love into the rest of my life. He is a part of me and always will be,
and sometimes I will remember him with joy and other times with a tear.
Both are okay.
I don't have to accept the death. Yes, I have to understand that it has
happened and it is real, but there are some things in life that are just
not acceptable.
When you tell me what I should be doing, then I feel even more lost and
alone. I feel badly enough that my loved one is dead, so please don't
make it worse by telling me I'm not doing this right.
Please don't tell me I can find someone else or that I need to start
dating again. I'm not ready. And maybe I don't want to. And besides,
what makes you think people are replaceable? They aren't. Whoever comes
after will always be someone different.
I don't even understand what you mean when you say, "You've got to get
on with your life." My life is going on, I've been forced to take on
many new responsibilities and roles. It may not look the way you think
it should. This will take time and I will never be my old self again. So
please, just love me as I am today, and know that with your love and
support, the joy will slowly return to my life. But I will never forget
and there will always be times that I cry.
I need to know that you care about me. I need to feel your touch, your
hugs. I need you just to be with me, and I need to be with you. I need
to know you believe in me and in my ability to get through my grief in
my own way, and in my own time.
Please don't say, "Call me if you need anything." I'll never call you
because I have no idea what I need. Trying to figure out what you could
do for me takes more energy than I have. So, in advance, let me give you
some ideas:
(a) Bring food or a movie over to watch together.
(b) Send me a card on special holidays, his birthday, and the
anniversary of his death, and be sure to mention his name. You can't
make me cry. The tears are here and I will love you for giving me the
opportunity to shed them because someone cared enough about me to reach
out on this difficult day.
(c) Ask me more than once to join you at a movie or lunch or dinner. I
may so no at first or even for a while, but please don't give up on me
because somewhere down the line, I may be ready, and if you've given up
then I really will be alone.
(d) Understand how difficult it is for me to be surrounded by couples,
to walk into events alone, to go home alone, to feel out of place in the same situations
where I used to feel so comfortable.
Please don't judge me now - or think that I'm behaving strangely.
For any of you who visit Judith Spencer's Atlantic Refugees folder, her son Leslie died this morning. He's been having health problems, but this was unexpected. Very sad.
DiMartino, Eugene J. "Carnival Guy" Age 74 Born August 1, 1934 and passed away on December 31, 2008. Preceded in death by parents, Joseph and Angeline, and brothers, Joseph and Charles. Survived by his loving wife and "Guardian Angel", Marilyn; his treasured daughters, Gina DiMartino and Dana (Tim) Erickson; grandchildren, Megan, Anna, and Adam; nephews, Michael and Joe DiMartino. A long-time member of the Saint Paul Winter Carnival family and had one of the largest collections of Winter Carnival memorabilia that he proudly displayed at the Landmark Center during the Carnival each year. He was an avid collector of many things-if he had two of anything, he started a collection. He will be missed greatly by his family and many friends. Gene was the "Energizer Bunny". Mass of Christian Burial 10AM Monday at the CHURCH OF ST. AGNES, 548 Lafond Ave. Interment Resurrection Cemetery. Visitation 3-7PM Sunday at Willwerscheid Funeral Home, 1167 Grand Ave., St. Paul. 651-228-1006
This was absolutely beautiful. I lost My Mother and Grandmother 8 days apart right before Christmas in 2000. I have never felt the same and always wondered if I will ever get back to my old self again.
This poem for the first time in 8 years made me understand I will never be the same. Thank you so much for sharing this. I know it was not meant for me but none the less it touched me in a wonderful way.
I just realized the whole thing didn't copy into my post above - here is the rest of it:
Please don't judge me now - or think that I'm behaving strangely.
Remember I'm grieving. I may even be in shock. I am afraid. I may
 feel deep rage. I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt. I'm
experiencing a pain unlike any I've ever felt before and one that
 can't be imagined by anyone who has not walked in my shoes.
Don't worry if you think I'm getting better and then suddenly I seem
 to slip backward. Grief makes me behave this way at times. And please don't tell me you know how I feel, or that it's time for me to get on with my life. What I need now is time to grieve.
Most of all thank you for being my friend. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for caring. Thank you for helping, for understanding. Thank you for praying for me.
And remember in the days or years ahead, after your loss - when you
 need me as I have needed you - I will understand. And then I will come and be with you.
Been warm again today...but all it going to change tomorrow night....17 degrees and 3 days of snow starting out as rain, then freezing rain (I Hate), then sleet and then comes the snow.
I will stay good looking through it all though...never doubt it.
you only have 189 posts??
I can sure appreciate the dread of the holidaze coming up.
There were two holiday seasons where I just stayed away from the family gatherings because of the damaging stuff that was going on right then. I actually spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day alone one year - just me and the animals - when I heard some of the stuff that went on at the gatherings that year, I was glad I'd stayed away.
It is a toss-up - only you know if you can plan something that will work but not exacerbate the isolation.
Know that you are not alone in this stuff, and that it is OK to do whatever YOU need to do this year to get through it.
nice to see you Sue... I hear your voice when I read your posts. and the cute squirrel face too :smile:
DOCTOR'S LICENSE REVOKED BY STATE LAPSES INCLUDE PATIENT SEXUAL RELATIONS
  A family practice physician who was recently employed by Allina Medical Clinic in Eagan has been stripped of the right to practice medicine in Minnesota after admitting to a litany of ethical breaches with two female patients, including infecting one of them with a sexually transmitted disease. Dr. John Beall, 57, of South St. Paul, admitted to maintaining a 20-year sexual relationship with a female patient while prescribing her increasing dosages of prescription drugs.
and he probably got paid from her medical insurance for every visit!
he got paid for sex! technically.
whats the location of that clinic?
I'm wondering if Ive gone there - definately never saw him though - scary!
If you need anything, we're just down the street...
 Praying for Wifey, and crossing fingers too.
You can always trade favors with your local Hells Angel for the mother-in-law situation...
my dad woulda been 66 and has been gone for 14 years! my god!! seeing that on paper is crazy.
.... it was good to remember the good things and good times but missed him on Turkey Day. big hug for you ...and for sue too.
It's weird the past few months have been really hard for some reason, at weird times some memory will pop into my head and I'll just cry...I'm not going to say that his death from the start wasn't hard on me but it makes it harder when it creeps up on me and the memory is suddenly there rather than the fresh open wound right after he died. I don't know it's hard to explain.
Hugs to all who have lost a close relative, friend or animal in their lives this holiday season.
Susan's chart was just updated online, no cancer or growths. We'll get the official message after her gyno appt. today but it's finally looking positive.
WOW another 26th birthday? I guess February is a lonely month :lipsealed:
however, RBs is still alive.
LA Mommy sent it to me in e-gram so I got it! thanks kitch!
The following was graciously shared on a grief support board. Many found this to be so helpful to read, and shared it with those they knew wanted to help but just weren't sure how:
"This is for those of you who have friends and family that want to help but dont know how to. Print this out and give it to them.
HOW YOU CAN HELP ME
Please talk about my loved one, even though he is gone. It is more
comforting to cry than to pretend that he never existed. I need to talk
about him, and I need to do it over and over.
Be patient with my agitation. Nothing feels secure in my world. Get
comfortable with my crying. Sadness hits me in waves, and I never know
when my tears may flow. Just sit with me in silence and hold my hand.
Don't abandon me with the excuse that you don't want to upset me. You
can't catch my grief. My world is painful, and when you are too afraid
to call me or visit or say anything, you isolate me at a time when I
most need to be cared about. If you don't know what to say, just come
over, give me a hug or touch my arm, and gently say, "I'm sorry." You
can even say, "I just don't know what to say, but I care, and want you
to know that."
Just because I look good does not mean that I feel good. Ask me how I
feel only if you really have time to find out.
I am not strong. I'm just numb. When you tell me I am strong, I feel
that you don't see me.
I will not recover. This is not a cold or the flu. I'm not sick. I'm
grieving and that's different. My grieving may only begin 6 months after
my loved one's death. Don't think that I will be over it in a year. For
I am not only grieving his death, but also the person I was when I was
with him, the life that we shared, the plans we had for watching our
children and grandchildren grow, the places we will never get to go together, and the
hopes and dreams that will never come true. My whole world has crumbled
and I will never be the same.
I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget my
loved one and rather than recover, I want to incorporate his life and
love into the rest of my life. He is a part of me and always will be,
and sometimes I will remember him with joy and other times with a tear.
Both are okay.
I don't have to accept the death. Yes, I have to understand that it has
happened and it is real, but there are some things in life that are just
not acceptable.
When you tell me what I should be doing, then I feel even more lost and
alone. I feel badly enough that my loved one is dead, so please don't
make it worse by telling me I'm not doing this right.
Please don't tell me I can find someone else or that I need to start
dating again. I'm not ready. And maybe I don't want to. And besides,
what makes you think people are replaceable? They aren't. Whoever comes
after will always be someone different.
I don't even understand what you mean when you say, "You've got to get
on with your life." My life is going on, I've been forced to take on
many new responsibilities and roles. It may not look the way you think
it should. This will take time and I will never be my old self again. So
please, just love me as I am today, and know that with your love and
support, the joy will slowly return to my life. But I will never forget
and there will always be times that I cry.
I need to know that you care about me. I need to feel your touch, your
hugs. I need you just to be with me, and I need to be with you. I need
to know you believe in me and in my ability to get through my grief in
my own way, and in my own time.
Please don't say, "Call me if you need anything." I'll never call you
because I have no idea what I need. Trying to figure out what you could
do for me takes more energy than I have. So, in advance, let me give you
some ideas:
(a) Bring food or a movie over to watch together.
(b) Send me a card on special holidays, his birthday, and the
anniversary of his death, and be sure to mention his name. You can't
make me cry. The tears are here and I will love you for giving me the
opportunity to shed them because someone cared enough about me to reach
out on this difficult day.
(c) Ask me more than once to join you at a movie or lunch or dinner. I
may so no at first or even for a while, but please don't give up on me
because somewhere down the line, I may be ready, and if you've given up
then I really will be alone.
(d) Understand how difficult it is for me to be surrounded by couples,
to walk into events alone, to go home alone, to feel out of place in the same situations
where I used to feel so comfortable.
Please don't judge me now - or think that I'm behaving strangely.
Remember I'm grieving. I may even be in shock.
Note to self - don't read this thread at work :sad: :crying:
ty Eags
::sigh::
u no who u r
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5mqYnrAPw0&feature=related
John McDermott One Small Star Lyrics:
When I need to feel you near me
I stand in this quiet place
Where the silver light of countless stars
Falling on my face
Though they all shine so brightly
Somehow it comforts me to know
That some that burn the brightest
Died an eternity ago
Chorus
But your light still shines
It's one small star to guide me
And it helps me to hold back the dark
Your light's still shining in my heart
I'm learning how to live without you
And I never thought I could
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/1Clg ]
And even how to smile again
I never thought I would
And I cherish your heart's memories
Cause they bring you back to life
Some caress me gently
And some cut me like a knife
Chorus
Can your soul be out there somewhere
Beyond the infinity of time
I guess you've found some answers now
I'll have to wait for mine
When my light joins with yours one day
We'll shine through time and space
And one day fall on a distant age
Upon some stranger's face
But your light still shines
It's one small star to guide me
And it helps me to hold back the dark
Your light's still shining in my heart
Your light's still shining in my heart
Eugene J. DiMartino
DiMartino, Eugene J. "Carnival Guy" Age 74 Born August 1, 1934 and passed away on December 31, 2008. Preceded in death by parents, Joseph and Angeline, and brothers, Joseph and Charles. Survived by his loving wife and "Guardian Angel", Marilyn; his treasured daughters, Gina DiMartino and Dana (Tim) Erickson; grandchildren, Megan, Anna, and Adam; nephews, Michael and Joe DiMartino. A long-time member of the Saint Paul Winter Carnival family and had one of the largest collections of Winter Carnival memorabilia that he proudly displayed at the Landmark Center during the Carnival each year. He was an avid collector of many things-if he had two of anything, he started a collection. He will be missed greatly by his family and many friends. Gene was the "Energizer Bunny". Mass of Christian Burial 10AM Monday at the CHURCH OF ST. AGNES, 548 Lafond Ave. Interment Resurrection Cemetery. Visitation 3-7PM Sunday at Willwerscheid Funeral Home, 1167 Grand Ave., St. Paul. 651-228-1006
This poem for the first time in 8 years made me understand I will never be the same. Thank you so much for sharing this. I know it was not meant for me but none the less it touched me in a wonderful way.
Then it was meant for you.
And anyone else that it touched.
darn I wish I woulda known last night, I would have gone. :frown:
I just realized the whole thing didn't copy into my post above - here is the rest of it:
Please don't judge me now - or think that I'm behaving strangely.
Remember I'm grieving. I may even be in shock. I am afraid. I may
 feel deep rage. I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt. I'm
experiencing a pain unlike any I've ever felt before and one that
 can't be imagined by anyone who has not walked in my shoes.
Don't worry if you think I'm getting better and then suddenly I seem
 to slip backward. Grief makes me behave this way at times. And please don't tell me you know how I feel, or that it's time for me to get on with my life. What I need now is time to grieve.
Most of all thank you for being my friend. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for caring. Thank you for helping, for understanding. Thank you for praying for me.
And remember in the days or years ahead, after your loss - when you
 need me as I have needed you - I will understand. And then I will come and be with you.
I will stay good looking through it all though...never doubt it.
Sounds like our weather.
And there never is a doubt about your good looks. :sillygrin:
 :frown:
she had to check into a hospital tonight, with breathing problems....
They'll probably be keeping her overnight...
not sure if its anything major right now, but its better to be safe than sorry....
good vibes carolyn
will keep you posted...
its 1:30am now, and they're going to move her into a room, within a little while....
yeah, where is she and does carolyn need anything right now?