One-Nostril Johannson has been my sidekick through thick and thin and Jim Beam induced comas for many, many years. While buzzed like a chainsaw the other night, he said: "Ya know, maybe I should get on that Internet thing and say a few words..." Thus:
"One Nostril, you've pretty much mastered space travel while sitting in an aluminum lawn chair. Do you have any unconquered frontiers?"
"I'd sorely like to make Britney Spears vanish. I just haven't quite worked out the logistics of it yet. Damned that girl irritates me! And she's everywhere. I must have seen that TV ad for her movie fifty times yesterday, and I only had the idiot box on long enough to check the local weather."
"There's nothing you like about her? Don't you think she's sexy?"
"I like my women sultry. She's the extreme antithesis of that. Mix 'perky' with cotton candy and Alka-Seltzer bubbles, and be an ex-Mousketeer while your at it, and you've got Spears. Besides, anything that turns Bob Dole on has NO appeal for me."
"You're not terribly fond of Republicans, are you?"
"I'm more partial to a bad case of the crabs."
"Why's that?"
"Well, you can go to K-mart and grinningly check out with three bottles of Rid-X while wiggling and scratching like a fiend as the church lady behind you in line nearly faints, when the bugs rule your crotch, but getting rid of Republicans takes a badly lost war or a depression or something. Folks gotta be missing arms and legs or starving before the Republicans go away."
"Gotcha. What do you think of Dubya?"
"The guy looks like Johnny Carson, but he's just plain goofy, not entertaining. And he's got Dick Cheney for a partner. Who is spookily strange, and probably hides out in the same cave with bin Laden. Every other person in Bush's administration has Enron fingerprints on their mercenary butts. Plus, he's committed us to a neverending war we can't win. Heck, my paperboy, who just turned thirteen, will probably eventually come home in a box from Fuzznookiestan or someplace because of Dubya."
(More of our interview with One Nostril will air at a later, unspecific time. Among other things, we'll discuss his anatomical oddities. Yes, there are other things beside that wonderfully freaky nose.)
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons.
Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon.
But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of thirty cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was only one problem-how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.
The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with sixteen round indentations. But, if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Few land lubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.
Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"
(And all this time, you thought that was a dirty expression, didn't you?)
Sometimes a guy just wants to feel pretty! Hey, what I do in my own home is my own business!
Thank God!!! :)
well you pretty much refuted that story anyway. or at least tried to :)
I did?
Well, thank you Bud. That was a fun one to keep up with
I can't remember the guy's name from Oregon or Washington ? Used to live in Duluth, and loved smoked seeds !
My review?
She's pretty, but the movie sucked....
http://www.sunsentinal.com/news/local/southflorida/sfl-cleo0214.story?coll=sfla%2Dhome%2Dheadlines
http://www.hearst-castle.org/welcome.asp
A great tourist attraction....
Those who are fans of history, art, and glamour will love the tour.
http://www.vizcayamuseum.org/start.htm
This is another great tourist attraction centered in downtown Miami.
Much like Hearst Castle, a place like this catches the hearts of fans of architecture, art, perservation, and gardens.
I've been to both and they're can't miss. = )
Ian! I remember that guy too. Retired. Lived right on the coast if I remember correctly. Art something comes to mind, but that's probably wrong.
Nice to see more and more refugees joining camp here.
Ok I have a big screen with dave tv(dtv)in living room!
Dtv in bedroom,at the cabin and the price is better than reg tv!
I repeat "I am a satelite addict",does this mean I should be single?
Stereo types???
of course its a stereotype, marley.
"dave tv"
Which video was that in again? "Hot for Teacher"?
Do you remember the song Bud?
Just a Gigalo?
Just a Gigolo is right. I can see it clearly now.
Dave TV, all Dave, all night!
Gimme a bottle of anything and a glazed doughnut, to go!
http://www.regards.com/chat/index.cfm
http://www.gethonest.com/TestButton.html
"OLD ONE NOSTRIL" SPEAKS
One-Nostril Johannson has been my sidekick through thick and thin and Jim Beam induced comas for many, many years. While buzzed like a chainsaw the other night, he said: "Ya know, maybe I should get on that Internet thing and say a few words..." Thus:
"One Nostril, you've pretty much mastered space travel while sitting in an aluminum lawn chair. Do you have any unconquered frontiers?"
"I'd sorely like to make Britney Spears vanish. I just haven't quite worked out the logistics of it yet. Damned that girl irritates me! And she's everywhere. I must have seen that TV ad for her movie fifty times yesterday, and I only had the idiot box on long enough to check the local weather."
"There's nothing you like about her? Don't you think she's sexy?"
"I like my women sultry. She's the extreme antithesis of that. Mix 'perky' with cotton candy and Alka-Seltzer bubbles, and be an ex-Mousketeer while your at it, and you've got Spears. Besides, anything that turns Bob Dole on has NO appeal for me."
"You're not terribly fond of Republicans, are you?"
"I'm more partial to a bad case of the crabs."
"Why's that?"
"Well, you can go to K-mart and grinningly check out with three bottles of Rid-X while wiggling and scratching like a fiend as the church lady behind you in line nearly faints, when the bugs rule your crotch, but getting rid of Republicans takes a badly lost war or a depression or something. Folks gotta be missing arms and legs or starving before the Republicans go away."
"Gotcha. What do you think of Dubya?"
"The guy looks like Johnny Carson, but he's just plain goofy, not entertaining. And he's got Dick Cheney for a partner. Who is spookily strange, and probably hides out in the same cave with bin Laden. Every other person in Bush's administration has Enron fingerprints on their mercenary butts. Plus, he's committed us to a neverending war we can't win. Heck, my paperboy, who just turned thirteen, will probably eventually come home in a box from Fuzznookiestan or someplace because of Dubya."
(More of our interview with One Nostril will air at a later, unspecific time. Among other things, we'll discuss his anatomical oddities. Yes, there are other things beside that wonderfully freaky nose.)
Another heaven for lottery lovers....
http://www.knoxstudio.com/shns/story.cfm?pk=EDU-SEXCLASS-02-17-02&cat=LS
http://opinionjournal.com/columnists/pnoonan/
Peggy Noonan is like a breath of fresh air compared to most of them who only know how to engage in hellfire pissing matches.
http://www.honeymooners.net/
POW! Right in the kisser!
To the moon with ya!
http://www.sopranoland.com/episodes/
http://www.fortunecity.com/meltingpot/regent/827/tbc.html
http://www.einsiders.com/
http://www.sillyhumor.com/beerfarts/index.html
http://www.sillyhumor.com/pics/buttmore/butt1.html
http://www.sillyhumor.com/earthquake.html
love the beer farts!
Yeah, pretty funny stuff!
http://www.jokefrog.com/pic.shtml?0557.jpg
http://www.jokefrog.com/pic.shtml?0556.jpg
Here's a good one Bud-
-Balls
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons.
Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon.
But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with
one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of thirty cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was only one problem-how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.
The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with sixteen round indentations. But, if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys."
Few land lubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.
Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.
Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"
(And all this time, you thought that was a dirty expression, didn't you?)
good one, artemis.
http://www.anyfun.net/show.phtml?type=pics&name=clinton&num=3
Not sure if this is a Wampfaloon or a Grandpeter, but it's an amusing take on LOTR.
http://diaries.diagon.org/
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http://www.sillyhumor.com/hisremote.html