Our senior high physics class had to judge the 6th grade inventor's fair - here was the winning project:
The kid put a flag on the end of the handle and said he's stick it to the roof of the car when they parked at the shopping mall - that way they could always find the car again. No way you could miss it in the parking lot - had to give him the crown!
Of course, in the long run - If the idea caught on, and EVERYONE did it - well then you're just back to square one. Maybe we didn't think that through good enough...
Wal-Mart stores can be so big and the workers seem so bored and the customers seem so harried and annoying. It seems like the perfect fertile ground to have a little fun at Walt's expense. Sometimes I just want to jump on the intercom and say something. But how does one get access?
Planet Wally found the answer. You can use the intercom from any one of the many telephones Wal-Mart provides around the sales floor. Even better, we know the code! Here is how you use the intercom at Wal-Mart:
• Pick up the phone
• Dial #96
You're now on the store intercom!
The proper way to use the store intercom, I mean, apart from the fact it is only supposed to be used by Wal-Mart employees, is to declare the code and the location. For instance, "Code White in Automotive". Here are a few helpful things you can do with the Intercom.
Intercom Codes:
INTERCOM HOLD: Sometimes silence is golden. So if you pick up the phone, dial #96 and then hit hold, nobody can use the intercom until they figure out which phone is on hold.
CODE 1: This code is used for SHOPLIFTING!
CODE 10: Dry Spill.
CODE 20: Wet Spill.
CODE 90: Management Needed. That sounds useless.
CODE 99: This code implies that there is an emergency and all male employees are to immediately stop what they are doing and move to the announced location.
CODE 300: Security Needed. For grins, call Code 300 to the location you are currently at.
CODE ADAM: Code Adam is used to report a lost child. Technically, the store is supposed to shut all doors until the lost child is found. This sounds like fun until you realize that you are going to be trapped in a Wal-Mart for hours while they attempt to locate a missing child.
CODE BLACK: This code is used for severe weather. It's only used if something severe is happening such as tornadoes are bearing down on the store. All employees are supposed to immediately head to the fitting rooms at the center of the store. Wal-Mart doesn't like to use this code because it quite frankly, when the employees all leave, it leads to looting.
CODE BLUE A bomb scare.
CODE C: Customer service. A customer needs help in a location like housewares.
CODE GREEN: This code is used when there is a hostage in the store. Ask yourself, do you really want to shop at a store that needs to have a special code for a hostage situation?
CODE ORANGE: This is for a chemical spill. Water is a chemical.
CODE RED: This is used in case of a fire!
CODE WHITE: is used for an injury.
With knowledge comes power and responsibility. Use it wisely.
And they like to put phones in places where cameras cant see them too....
You can also call the store, and hope a stupid employee answers.... ask them to connect you to extension 96....
Target is smart.... they dont leave phones laying around to play with... although their phones that they do have, simply have an "intercom" button, right on them...
I've been having fun with phones in stores like that, for a long ass time....
mostly.... if they catch you, anyways.... you'll be followed around by the manager guys who wear suits, and try to look like their jobs are super important....
when they get tired of following you, and/or are convinced that you're a problem to the store, they have their rent-a-cop come and escort you out....
usually along with a warning about how you should know better, and they can call the cops, if they feel like it, because you're causing a terroristic threat of some sort....
In Wisconsin, the designated driver is the one with the DUI.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood bar.
Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night). After several attempts, he successfully switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.
At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station, this breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
that last one, reminds me of Jack Lemon, in "Days of Wine and Roses", when he decides to hide his liquor in the ceiling light, and then forgets about it later when he wants some......
Bob and Sue were sitting at a table at their high school reunion, and Sue kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
Bob asked, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' she sighed, 'he's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.
'My God!' said Bob, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."
"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"
With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly with his nose. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Bark" (meaning "dead as a doornail").
The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also carefully sniffed out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow" (meaning "he's history"). He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.
The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went berserk. "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"
The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, the charge would have been $50, but you wanted the Lab work and the cat scan."
The kid put a flag on the end of the handle and said he's stick it to the roof of the car when they parked at the shopping mall - that way they could always find the car again. No way you could miss it in the parking lot - had to give him the crown!
Of course, in the long run - If the idea caught on, and EVERYONE did it - well then you're just back to square one. Maybe we didn't think that through good enough...
after babysitting a 3 week old overnight one night, i was ready to get a bottle of vodka, a scalpel, and some bandages and do the job myself.
No means no. So does pepper spray.
Question of the Day:
What the hell are you going to do with one square of toilet paper?
Wal-Mart stores can be so big and the workers seem so bored and the customers seem so harried and annoying. It seems like the perfect fertile ground to have a little fun at Walt's expense. Sometimes I just want to jump on the intercom and say something. But how does one get access?
Planet Wally found the answer. You can use the intercom from any one of the many telephones Wal-Mart provides around the sales floor. Even better, we know the code! Here is how you use the intercom at Wal-Mart:
• Pick up the phone
• Dial #96
You're now on the store intercom!
The proper way to use the store intercom, I mean, apart from the fact it is only supposed to be used by Wal-Mart employees, is to declare the code and the location. For instance, "Code White in Automotive". Here are a few helpful things you can do with the Intercom.
Intercom Codes:
INTERCOM HOLD: Sometimes silence is golden. So if you pick up the phone, dial #96 and then hit hold, nobody can use the intercom until they figure out which phone is on hold.
CODE 1: This code is used for SHOPLIFTING!
CODE 10: Dry Spill.
CODE 20: Wet Spill.
CODE 90: Management Needed. That sounds useless.
CODE 99: This code implies that there is an emergency and all male employees are to immediately stop what they are doing and move to the announced location.
CODE 300: Security Needed. For grins, call Code 300 to the location you are currently at.
CODE ADAM: Code Adam is used to report a lost child. Technically, the store is supposed to shut all doors until the lost child is found. This sounds like fun until you realize that you are going to be trapped in a Wal-Mart for hours while they attempt to locate a missing child.
CODE BLACK: This code is used for severe weather. It's only used if something severe is happening such as tornadoes are bearing down on the store. All employees are supposed to immediately head to the fitting rooms at the center of the store. Wal-Mart doesn't like to use this code because it quite frankly, when the employees all leave, it leads to looting.
CODE BLUE A bomb scare.
CODE C: Customer service. A customer needs help in a location like housewares.
CODE GREEN: This code is used when there is a hostage in the store. Ask yourself, do you really want to shop at a store that needs to have a special code for a hostage situation?
CODE ORANGE: This is for a chemical spill. Water is a chemical.
CODE RED: This is used in case of a fire!
CODE WHITE: is used for an injury.
With knowledge comes power and responsibility. Use it wisely.
You can also call the store, and hope a stupid employee answers.... ask them to connect you to extension 96....
Target is smart.... they dont leave phones laying around to play with... although their phones that they do have, simply have an "intercom" button, right on them...
I've been having fun with phones in stores like that, for a long ass time....
k-mart would be fun.....expect only 1 employee in the store
mostly.... if they catch you, anyways.... you'll be followed around by the manager guys who wear suits, and try to look like their jobs are super important....
when they get tired of following you, and/or are convinced that you're a problem to the store, they have their rent-a-cop come and escort you out....
usually along with a warning about how you should know better, and they can call the cops, if they feel like it, because you're causing a terroristic threat of some sort....
"Michael Vick to the pets department..... Michael Vick to the pets department"
Or try to find out an employees name, from their name-tag, and then page them to some other area of the store, for a package pickup, or something....
then follow them around, as they look all confused, and nobody knows what they're talking about...
or even better - actually leave them a package....
like a paper bag, or a box or something, with a note inside, that says "Im watching you", or "SYKE!!!! GOTCHA!!!".....
As children we complain about homework; as adults we long to work at home.
Question of the Day:
What do you call tights that are too big for you?
however you shouldn't be making fun of him just cause he works at K-Mart :pbpt: eveyone needs a job yah know
Diarrhea also happens.
Question of the Day:
How come I can't find Chicken Soup for the Chicken's Soul ?
good stuff
fyi: you're coming up on a monumental joe
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
Question of the Day:
Did St. Peter give Gene Siskel a "Thumbs Up" at the pearly gates?
After all, Siskel HATED Ferris Beuller's Day Off
At The Movies Review - 1986
PERSONAL JOE = 1000
In Wisconsin, the designated driver is the one with the DUI.
Question of the Day:
Should we face the music - even if it's country-western?
It's hard to explain a papercut on your penis.
Question of the Day:
Where are all the MENTALLY handicapped parking spaces for people like me?
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood bar.
Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night). After several attempts, he successfully switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.
At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station, this breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Kama Sutra has been around for years; only we call it Twister.
Question of the Day:
Babies wake up crying all night long. Why would I want to sleep like a baby?
You know you're screwed when you can't afford the stamps to mail the payment.
Question of the Day:
Why do we call it "common" sense when hardly anyone uses it?
What's really jolting when you see TWO sobriety checkpoints side by side.
Question of the Day:
Has your spouse ever called you at work - just to ask where the remote control is?
Good thing we can't get our hands pregnant.
Question of the Day:
Is constipate an irregular verb?
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Question of the Day:
If car racing is a sport, is everyone on the freeway an athlete?
We need people with multiple personalities to offset all the people who don't have any. Do not! Do too! Shut up, all of you!
Question of the Day:
Are there crash courses on how to fly?
It's a dog eat dog world, and there are some real bitches out there.
Question of the Day:
How do you know when circuses are being fumigated?
Winter is cruel: It makes women wear so much clothing.
Question of the Day:
Is it wrong to enjoy the smell of your own gas?
It's good to explore all of your options before making a stupid decision
Question of the Day:
Why don't donut stores ever get held up?
The only people truly under the weather are buried.
Question of the Day:
We bless people when they sneeze. Why not when they cough or fart?
Don't judge a book by it's cover; judge it by the movie.
Question of the Day:
Do Asians ever say to hell with it and grab a fork?
When you dial 9 to call out of your home, there's a chance you may be working too much.
Question of the Day:
If rugs could talk; would they just lie?
Thank God Picasso wasn't a plastic surgeon.
Question of the Day:
If cars become solar-powered, how will police chases end?
Extra thought to ponder:
How do Eskimos French kiss?
The real world is a figment of our lack of imagination.
Question of the Day:
How many lawyers are there named Sue?
Sometimes opportunity knocks when you're too damn tired to get up.
Question of the Day:
What if you finally "find yourself" and you're not that impressed?
It's okay to be drunk with power -- as long as you're a happy drunk.
Question of the Day:
They say that marijuana smokers are unmotivated; Have you ever seen a marijuana smoker SEARCHING for their pot?
dude tears the place apart, looking for it....
they sold out to a foreign company.
Drop your beer off at my house and I will dispose of it.
We'll teach those bastards a lesson!!! :cool:
Bob asked, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' she sighed, 'he's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.
'My God!' said Bob, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."
"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"
With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly with his nose. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Bark" (meaning "dead as a doornail").
The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also carefully sniffed out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow" (meaning "he's history"). He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.
The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went berserk. "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"
The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, the charge would have been $50, but you wanted the Lab work and the cat scan."
May you never grow so old that farts aren't funny anymore.
Question of the Day:
How many entrees can Taco Bell make with the same five ingredients?