Have you been looking for a realistic looking prosthetic that makes you look like a real woman ? Your search is finally over ! Our sister store, The Dressing Room now carries the Original V String ! In three different styles, a dozen hair colors or bald ! If you would like more information, click here.
We will encourage law enforcement agencies to offer cash to any person willing to turn over their screwdrivers. To further encourage participation, police will not prosecute any participant for the possession of any screwdriver, including assault screwdrivers.
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. _____
What's the best form of birth control after the age of 50? Nudity. _____
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. _____
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs. _____
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. _____
Why are men and parking spaces alike? Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are disabled. _____
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. _____
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. _____
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. _____
Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. _____
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde,because she's 18. _____
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Are you sure it's mine?" _____
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA. _____
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. _____
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact with women? Breasts don't have eyes. _____
What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo? A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe. ______
it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have. some of us less than others ;)
My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning. My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes too, but I can't remember getting E-coli.
As children we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
Our baby cribs, toys and rooms were painted with bright colored lead based paint. We often chewed on the crib, ingesting the paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We played dodge ball and sometimes the ball would really hurt. We played with toy guns, cowboys and Indians, army, cops and robbers, and used our fingers to simulate guns when the toy ones or my BB gun was not available. We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda, but we were never overweight; we were always outside playing.
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't, had to learn to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as others or didn't work hard so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. That generation produced some of the greatest risk-takers and problem solvers. We had the freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring!). The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.
We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.
Flunking gym was not an option... even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.
Every year, someone taught the whole school a lesson by running in the halls with leather soles on linoleum tile and hitting the wet spot. How much better off would we be today if we only knew we could have sued the school system.
Speaking of school, we all said prayers and the pledge and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.
I can't understand it. Schools didn't offer 14 year olds an abortion or condoms (we wouldn't have known what either was anyway) but they did give us a couple of baby aspirin and cough syrup if we started getting the sniffles. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.
Students and teachers were expected to dress appropriately and were warned only once by the principal. Next time they were sent home to change.
I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, PlayStation, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital cable stations.
I must be repressing that memory as I try to rationalize through the denial of the dangers that could have befallen us as we trekked off each day about a mile down the road to some guy's vacant 20 acres, built forts out of branches and pieces of plywood, made trails, and fought over who got to be the Lone Ranger.
What was that property owner thinking, letting us play on that lot? He should have been locked up for not putting up a fence around the property, complete with a self-closing gate and an infrared intruder alarm. We played king of the hill on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48 cent bottle of mercurochrome and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.
We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked (physical abuse) here too ... and then we got spanked again when we got home.
Mom invited the door to door salesman inside for coffee, kids choked down the dust from the gravel driveway while playing with Tonka trucks (remember why Tonka trucks were made tough...it wasn't so that they could take the rough berber in the family room), and Dad drove a car with leaded gas.
Our music had to be left inside when we went out to play and I am sure that I nearly exhausted my imagination a couple of times when we went on two week vacations. I should probably sue the folks now for the danger they put us in when we all slept in campgrounds in the family tent. Summers were spent behind the push lawnmower and I didn't even know that mowers came with motors until I was 13 and we got one without an automatic blade-stop or an auto-drive.
How sick were my parents?
Of course my parents weren't the only psychos. I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that we needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!
Rmember when we used to call our friends parents Mr. and Mrs.? Not by their first names and that a police officer was respected. When it was okay to spank your chold in public without worrying about being arrested.
Remember when the phrase was I brought you into this world I can take you out rather than, You brought me into this world I'll take you out.
When grandpa or grandma when too old to ended up living with your family not in a nursing home.
He said . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
shaking still spreads germs!and I didn't see you post-WASH HAND!
i'll have you know that urine is sterile unless the tract through which it passes is otherwise contaminated. in other words, you don't need to wash your hands if you don't piss on your fingers.
Do not look if alternate sexuality offends you.
Attention Crossdressers
New Item: The V String !!
Have you been looking for a realistic looking prosthetic that makes you look like a real woman ? Your search is finally over ! Our sister store, The Dressing Room now carries the Original V String ! In three different styles, a dozen hair colors or bald ! If you would like more information, click here.
I found this while I was looking for graphics of vanilla beans:
<http://google.yahoo.com/bin/query?p=vanilla.gif&hc=0&hs=0>
I found this while I was looking for graphics of vanilla beans
Sure you did. ;-)
http://users.aol.com/slowart/images.htm
uh huh, and according to his website,some of it actually sells.
ban screwdrivers?
We will encourage law enforcement agencies to offer cash to any person willing to turn over their screwdrivers. To further encourage participation, police will not prosecute any participant for the possession of any screwdriver, including assault screwdrivers.
Hurry up and get'em while you can.
ban screwdrivers?
LOL!
Splosh Party
it is likely that food and other items that would stain expensive clothes will be airborne during much of the party so please dress accordingly.
Damn! I missed it!
Queen Kong
PalinaJOE!
http://www.greatbritishwankers.co.uk/links1.htm
Oooh, they've got the best bacon sandwiches!
http://www.lucksite.com/pics/index.php?num=1
omg, ian.
http://www.ratso.net/freaks.jpg
<http://www.ratso.net/cheat08.html>
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever. _____
What's the best form of birth control after the age of 50?
Nudity. _____
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities. _____
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs. _____
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes. _____
Why are men and parking spaces alike?
Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are disabled. _____
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism. _____
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. _____
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. _____
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. _____
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde,because she's 18. _____
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?" _____
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA. _____
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment. _____
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact with women?
Breasts don't have eyes. _____
What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe. ______
OMG, there's a whole 'nother world out there !
NOT DURING A HUNT!
http://www.mortystwistedworld.com/
Looking back...
it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have. some of us less than others ;)
My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning. My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes too, but I can't remember getting E-coli.
As children we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
Our baby cribs, toys and rooms were painted with bright colored lead based paint. We often chewed on the crib, ingesting the paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We played
dodge ball and sometimes the ball would really hurt. We played with toy guns, cowboys and Indians, army, cops and robbers, and used our fingers to simulate guns when the toy ones or my BB gun was not available. We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda, but we were never overweight; we were always outside playing.
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who
didn't, had to learn to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as others or didn't work hard so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. That generation produced some of the greatest risk-takers and problem solvers. We had the freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring!). The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.
We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.
Flunking gym was not an option... even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.
Every year, someone taught the whole school a lesson by running in the
halls with leather soles on linoleum tile and hitting the wet spot. How much better off would we be today if we only knew we could have sued the school system.
Speaking of school, we all said prayers and the pledge and staying in
detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.
I can't understand it. Schools didn't offer 14 year olds an abortion or condoms (we wouldn't have known what either was anyway) but they did give us a couple of baby aspirin and cough syrup if we started getting the sniffles. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.
Students and teachers were expected to dress appropriately and were warned only once by the principal. Next time they were sent home to change.
I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, PlayStation, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital cable stations.
I must be repressing that memory as I try to rationalize through the
denial of the dangers that could have befallen us as we trekked off each day about a mile down the road to some guy's vacant 20 acres, built forts out of branches and pieces of plywood, made trails, and fought over who got to be the Lone Ranger.
What was that property owner thinking, letting us play on that lot? He
should have been locked up for not putting up a fence around the property, complete with a self-closing gate and an infrared intruder alarm. We played king of the hill on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48 cent bottle of mercurochrome and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.
We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked (physical abuse) here too ... and then we got spanked again when we got home.
Mom invited the door to door salesman inside for coffee, kids choked down the dust from the gravel driveway while playing with Tonka trucks (remember why Tonka trucks were made tough...it wasn't so that they could take the rough berber in the family room), and Dad drove a car with leaded gas.
Our music had to be left inside when we went out to play and I am sure
that I nearly exhausted my imagination a couple of times when we went on two week vacations. I should probably sue the folks now for the danger they put us in when we all slept in campgrounds in the family tent. Summers were spent behind the push lawnmower and I didn't even know that mowers came with motors until I was 13 and we got one without an automatic blade-stop or an auto-drive.
How sick were my parents?
Of course my parents weren't the only psychos. I recall Donny Reynolds
from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they
were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that we needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!
How did we survive?
Rmember when we used to call our friends parents Mr. and Mrs.? Not by their first names and that a police officer was respected. When it was okay to spank your chold in public without worrying about being arrested.
Remember when the phrase was I brought you into this world I can take you out rather than, You brought me into this world I'll take you out.
When grandpa or grandma when too old to ended up living with your family not in a nursing home.
I think its cool to be called 'Mrs. A' by my kids friends-I always have to take a second glance in disbelief.
i might have to remember that, mrs. a. :)
Me.ow to you buddy!
http://glasslust.com/
WoW! That is actually COOL!
The things people come up with!
You could fit more than two of those between those M&M's of yours!
you gonna get me one to try? ;)
actually, if you promised you'd try it in front of me, i'd consider adding one to your ice palace block for your birthday or christmas. :)
ooooh everyone take note he actually admitted I get a block of Castle Ice 2004 from him!
you thought i was kidding when i said that?
so all I had to do was show you my big m&m's ;) ?
i was serious before you showed all, baby.
all I picture when I leave a post is how a dumb blond sounds saying my post---hahahahhaa
Did any of you who bought a block receive your certificate yet?
I had my check cashed already but nothing in the mail.
oooooh nice tagline CMbeermeister!
I don't know about the certificate---- Ares hasnt given it to me yet :)
Old fat guy Joe!
ares hasn't ordered it yet. like i said if you really don't want it i could always give it to your sister instead.
Enjoy ladies.... cringe guys
He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
He said . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . . . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . . I would but you're never there.
On a wall in a ladies room . . . "My husband follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . . . "I do not"
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
Q. Why did the man cross the road? A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
LOL! thx me2
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Yeah right! I'm always changing the TP.
yeah no shit. (i'm not sure if i intended that pun or not, so don't ask). mostly because there aren't any women in the house to change it for us.
yeah- when you were here last night you didn't even change our roll!
i also didn't do anything that required that i looked at the roll either. remember the rule: "stand close, piss fast, shake once, haul ass".
ah yes, another man that doesnt tap with even a little TP.
that's what the "shake once" (cuz anything more is playing with it) is for.
shaking still spreads germs!
and I didn't see you post-WASH HAND!
No matter how
you shake and dance,
the last few drops
go down your pants.
shaking still spreads germs! and I didn't see you post-WASH HAND!
i'll have you know that urine is sterile unless the tract through which it passes is otherwise contaminated. in other words, you don't need to wash your hands if you don't piss on your fingers.