I think one of them is coming with me tomorrow night. I'll introduce you to your new neighbor if we're still there when you get there. You're going to be there later, am I right? I think she owes you a drink or something anyway.
I'm going to tell you a story or two. (And I'll admit that though it's my birthday today, I'm not in the best of the moods. There's a woman I've been interested in for a while and I had asked her to go with me on Saturday. She said she'd think about it. Finally she sends me a message saying she can't. The guy she's dating probably wouldn't like it. Now why didn't she mention him until now?)
So anyway, in my singles club, there was this woman that joined who was a member of another group I'm in. At every event she went to, she would monopolize every conversation with one particular topic. And it's not that it wasn't an interesting topic, but their interest in it was limited, and they soon got tired of the subject. Pretty soon people didn't want to go to events she was going to be at.
Story #2. In my singles club again we had a D&D game going. The guy who ran the game liked to play a certain style that we call "hack and slash" that didn't have much drama or creativity to it. In fact, he rather discouraged creativity by plunging us into battle before we could even have a chance to think of what we wanted to do. And he would want to play on endlessly even when it seemed clear to me the players were all pretty much wiped out and ready to go home. Eventually we stopped playing with him.
So what does all this have to do with Jake? I think all three have the same basic problem. People do things and sometimes they do the wrong things. Most of us have the ability to tell when what we've done has had a negative effect and we make adjustments in order to preserve the harmony and productivity of the group. But here we have three cases where people did not do that. They seem to have been oblivious to the effects of their actions and didn't change course. And in every case the result was the same. The group lost its desire to interact with that person and even sought to avoid them.
I get along with Jake. I've seen his good side and his good points in general. At the same time I've meant every bad thing I've ever said about him (even if I was mistaken on occasion). Both sides are real. I have a fairly high tolerance for the bad, others don't.
What has Jake done wrong? The list is pretty long. I'd say the vast majority of it was done in humor, even if it only fit his, Snake's, and Donny's sense of humor. Does that excuse it? To a degree, but it doesn't really fix the problem. The problem is if he still keeps doing it when other people don't like it, even if no harm is intended, those other people only have two options left. Either they keep putting up with it endlessly to the detriment of their own enjoyment, or they try to get rid of it.
So the bottom line Jake is it doesn't matter exactly why you're doing it. It doesn't matter if people know you or understand you. What it comes down to is a breakdown in the communication process. You do something. People don't like it. The process is supposed be they let you know. You acknowledge you understand and try to do it differently next time and everyone is happy.
Instead what we have is you do something. People don't like it. And then you either say they're the ones who are screwed up or they don't get why you did it or you challenge them on the details of it. That gives people no faith that things are going to be better in the future, so instead they try to avoid you or get you booted out. And a lot of people don't even really dislike you. They just don't want to have to deal with some of the things you do. If we thought you understood what the problem was and that you were going to try and not annoy people, you could probably be a pretty popular guy.
And I don't think I gained any knowledege from it. Personally I got no problems with anyone as long as they don't have any with me, or make me have problems with them, end of story.
I don't know where the Honda dealer is...if u come from 494, take Concord toward downtown St Paul; if you are on 52, take Concorde toward 494 (along the Mississippi). I'd say Bugg's is about 1/2way between 52 and 494; on the west side of the street at the intersection (stoplight) of Concord and Bryant warning: it's a dive (IMHO)
AW: In my singles club again we had a D&D game going. WTF?!?!?!?!? You may want to find a new singles club.. Not thinking that is the best way to go about meeting women... She didn't mention it until know - maybe she just met the guy? or she is trying to let you down easy.
I'll try to get down to bugg's tonight and see those boyz......maybe they'll be around....
hmmm on bryant...
You might see me walking an English Mastiff around the 'hood.
Crap! I was hopin' for a Joe but the mailman rang the bell...Drats!
yep...I've seen ya....
I got a black lab....one of the few in the 'hood.
I guess you haven't met my daughter's Buddy yet then, Kitch.Â
don't think so.....
I think one of them is coming with me tomorrow night. I'll introduce you to your new neighbor if we're still there when you get there. You're going to be there later, am I right? I think she owes you a drink or something anyway.
I'm going to tell you a story or two. (And I'll admit that though it's my birthday today, I'm not in the best of the moods. There's a woman I've been interested in for a while and I had asked her to go with me on Saturday. She said she'd think about it. Finally she sends me a message saying she can't. The guy she's dating probably wouldn't like it. Now why didn't she mention him until now?)
So anyway, in my singles club, there was this woman that joined who was a member of another group I'm in. At every event she went to, she would monopolize every conversation with one particular topic. And it's not that it wasn't an interesting topic, but their interest in it was limited, and they soon got tired of the subject. Pretty soon people didn't want to go to events she was going to be at.
Story #2. In my singles club again we had a D&D game going. The guy who ran the game liked to play a certain style that we call "hack and slash" that didn't have much drama or creativity to it. In fact, he rather discouraged creativity by plunging us into battle before we could even have a chance to think of what we wanted to do. And he would want to play on endlessly even when it seemed clear to me the players were all pretty much wiped out and ready to go home. Eventually we stopped playing with him.
So what does all this have to do with Jake? I think all three have the same basic problem. People do things and sometimes they do the wrong things. Most of us have the ability to tell when what we've done has had a negative effect and we make adjustments in order to preserve the harmony and productivity of the group. But here we have three cases where people did not do that. They seem to have been oblivious to the effects of their actions and didn't change course. And in every case the result was the same. The group lost its desire to interact with that person and even sought to avoid them.
I get along with Jake. I've seen his good side and his good points in general. At the same time I've meant every bad thing I've ever said about him (even if I was mistaken on occasion). Both sides are real. I have a fairly high tolerance for the bad, others don't.
What has Jake done wrong? The list is pretty long. I'd say the vast majority of it was done in humor, even if it only fit his, Snake's, and Donny's sense of humor. Does that excuse it? To a degree, but it doesn't really fix the problem. The problem is if he still keeps doing it when other people don't like it, even if no harm is intended, those other people only have two options left. Either they keep putting up with it endlessly to the detriment of their own enjoyment, or they try to get rid of it.
So the bottom line Jake is it doesn't matter exactly why you're doing it. It doesn't matter if people know you or understand you. What it comes down to is a breakdown in the communication process. You do something. People don't like it. The process is supposed be they let you know. You acknowledge you understand and try to do it differently next time and everyone is happy.
Instead what we have is you do something. People don't like it. And then you either say they're the ones who are screwed up or they don't get why you did it or you challenge them on the details of it. That gives people no faith that things are going to be better in the future, so instead they try to avoid you or get you booted out. And a lot of people don't even really dislike you. They just don't want to have to deal with some of the things you do. If we thought you understood what the problem was and that you were going to try and not annoy people, you could probably be a pretty popular guy.
holy frozen bits of sparlky white batman!
It's really coming down here now! My shovel is just itching to get out there again.
I'm saving the shovel for...........
That was a long slog...
And I don't think I gained any knowledege from it. Personally I got no problems with anyone as long as they don't have any with me, or make me have problems with them, end of story.
Good hunting all.
KC0GRN...can you dust off the soapbox for the next speaker please? :-)
[Edited by on Jan 21, 2005 at 12:47pm.]
lol didn't think I was on one, I just figured I needed to make some kinda post after a long slog like that :)
ATTENTION!!!!
THERE IS A PRE-PRE-DIG GIG BEING HELD AT BUGGS BAR IN SO ST PAUL AT 8PM-???
Happy birthday Allison! Sorry you aren't in a great mood. Can you please analyze me next? You do such a good job.
I'm afraid I'd never get back up the hill.
where is buggs
towards 52 from the Honda dealer?
maybe after the hunt. I'm on vacation now. No work : )
[Edited by Michele30 on Jan 21, 2005 at 01:57pm.]
ATTENTION!!!!
THERE IS A PRE-PRE-DIG GIG BEING HELD AT BUGGS BAR IN SO ST PAUL AT 8PM-???
Â
I'll show! That is if I can make it back from work.....one more time today...
(i'm back at work now....took me 30 mins to make a 15 min drive) **not bad**
just slow...
I don't know where the Honda dealer is...if u come from 494, take Concord toward downtown St Paul; if you are on 52, take Concorde toward 494 (along the Mississippi). I'd say Bugg's is about 1/2way between 52 and 494; on the west side of the street at the intersection (stoplight) of Concord and Bryant warning: it's a dive (IMHO)
plan on attending buggs for the meat raffle at 5 and having a couple of squishee's
I'm going to Iowa to have a tavern.
sooo what's the happy hour there???
then again it is cheaper then the bars I normally go 2.
thats TAP right?
Â
they have a dress code....its not a dive.
AW: In my singles club again we had a D&D game going. WTF?!?!?!?!? You may want to find a new singles club.. Not thinking that is the best way to go about meeting women... She didn't mention it until know - maybe she just met the guy? or she is trying to let you down easy.
*69* Joe
[Edited by on Jan 21, 2005 at 02:17pm.]
Blake (Bugg's regular) used to live next door to me. If you frequent the joint at all, I'm sure you know him
AW runs the singles club. He's not a client. I don't think.
neck is sweet
Â