and I should not have missed that one!! I was watching it!! and still missed it and Like 3 posts ago or so I posted I was 9 away!! and it just JUMPED!!! way HI!!!
Just got this in an e-mail from Cooler Crew member Bubba Moon - not sure how many of you have ever met him - he is from North Carolina and stumbled on one of the old Cooler Crew sites quite a few years ago. He came to MN to go ice fishing with some friends, and we all met him at the airport, wearing pith helmets and Cooler Crew t-shirts - pretty much scared the shit outa him, I think. Anyway, he sends jokes with a "southern" flavor quite often, such as when someone asked him if the wise men really exist, he replied, of course they did - they were firemen - the Bible says they came from a far". Sometimes you have to read the southern drawl into his writings!
So, here is today's e-mail, with some guidelines for 2008:
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans, West Virginians and certain rural Central Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES" or "REDNECKS."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
For further guidance on HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT, read on:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK"
She is a " BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY"
She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE"
She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND"
She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 She does not "NAG" you
She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER"
She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT"
He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER"
He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME"
He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING"
He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS"
He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants
For those of you who took an interest in Silas, the dog that was needing a home, the story has a happy ending. Silas will spend the next few months motorhoming with a couple and their dog. Eventually, they will make it to Colorado, where Silas will be reunited with his original owner.
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.
I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.
Just got back from Cliff/Nicols Caribou. Still deciding if today is my going-home day or not. Roads are improving in WI and MI. Will give it another hour and then make a final decision.
I had all I could do to not laugh out loud, while I was sitting there having a bagel and a latte. The server at Caribou tried to convince every person coming through the line to register their Caribou card online and Caribou would add $4.00 to the newly registered card. Most of us told her our cards were already registered, to which she said that we can go on and register them in another name at another e-mail address and they would still add $4.00 to the card. She then went on to give examples, such as "you know, if you have wives, children, whatever, you can register it in their name with a different e-mail than the original registration". I heard her say this to more than one man. She also told me I could register my husband, so I think I will. Maybe my dogs too. Been missing them all something powerful lately...
Then, the trivia question of the day was the other thing that had me laughing, nearly had me snorting my vanilla latte. I never did see the question, but the answer was Jerry McGuire. People were having a difficult time getting it, so the server was giving them hints. The conversations invariably went like this:
Server: Think of a spaniel.
Customer: Cocker?
Server: No, another kind of spaniel.
Customer: I don't know.
Server: Jumps around.
Customer: Kangaroo.
Server, No, It bounces.
Customer: I don't know.
Server: You have them in your bed.
Customer: Bedbugs.
Server: No. Who's the guy on TV who has a controversial talk show?
They finally get "Springer".
Server: OK, what's Springer's first name?
Customer: Jerry.
Server: OK, who is another Jerry whose name is in a movie title?
They finally get "Jerry McGuire".
At this point I'm still laughing about the kangaroo and the bedbugs!
And the whole thing sounded just like noodling a clue.
Just had a call from my contractor. The toilet that was leaking has, all this time, been defective. He has talked to a plumber friend, described the problem, and they've never seen such a thing. Apparently the bottom of the toilet was cast wrong and there is a gap at the bottom/back where it does not sit flat - it indents quite a bit. The plumber thought perhaps two neoprene rings might work, but we are all thinking its time for a new toilet.
I hate new toilets. We tried four different ones last time I remodeled a bathroom before finding one that would flush decently. We finally bought "the 2 gallon toilet that thinks its a 5 gallon toilet".
Now, I never realized before that toilets can think. That is just scary. I wonder what its been thinking all these years. Ass after ass. Geez. But, if the damn thing knows enough to flush right, well, then, let it go ahead and think whatever it wants to.
Well, I'm off to Menards. Will look for the smartest toilet I can find, and make sure the Marquette Menards has one. Meanwhile, my contractor is calling the Crane Company to find out what he can.
Just back from Menards. Bought another Briggs Vacuity toilet (like the one that ended up working in my last house). It still thinks but is also now claims its "whisper quiet". So maybe it will quietly whisper what it is thinking?
I ran all that by the new-to-the-department salesperson, Jeff, at the Burnsville Menards. He was trying to respond seriously - I don't think he got the joke.
Anyway, toilet, tank and seat are purchased and confirmed waiting at the Marquette store. Contractor friend will pick up and install today. Too late for me to start for home today, as I wouldn't get home until about 10PM and I don't like the idea of driving in the dark for the last 4 hours.
So, I guess I will head out and visit my aunt one more time this trip...
I went to Caribou this morning and asked about that $4 deal.
the sign claims you get the card and register it and get the $4.
I ask the guy if there is a limit to how much I have to purchase the card for? He said there is no limit. like, can you just GIVE me the card and I can register the #? doh, no.
I also mentioned I already am on the e-mail list, he said registering the card won't matter - it's not just for new customers.
I bought one for $20. and had some new DeLuce Latte - it was really good.
I wish we woulda had more time to talk while you were here .... shoulda gone to a Caribou. :frown: have a safe trip home- youre in my thoughts
It is slippery out there. I was out of sidewalk salt so decided to run to the store this morning to buy some. Slipped and fell on my way to the car to go buy the salt. :sillygrin: I'm a pretty good faller though.
Well, now that we've gone this far - new flooring and new toilet, I probably will spring for a new vanity, since the old one is small and cheap and dated - and its still out of the room, so now is the time to do it. And that would probably make my current medicine cabinet look pretty sparse, and the lighting needs to be updated...
I got an e-mail from my realtor this morning. She wrote, "Our market is starting to pick up a bit and with the builders show in March, it might be good to have your home ready to go around that time."
That sounds about perfect to me - a March listing.
I had a visit from my doggies last night, in my dreams. Both dogs were up on the bed with me. Reba was on my left side by my head and shoulder, Frodo on my right. I could feel the exact texture of their fur, and feel their sturdy, warm, bodies. A brief dream, sad to wake from it, but so nice to have a visit from them!
does anyone know if I can insert these mozilla smileys into an IM (AIM) conversation? and if so, how?
and I should not have missed that one!! I was watching it!! and still missed it and Like 3 posts ago or so I posted I was 9 away!! and it just JUMPED!!! way HI!!!
Vicky and I are going to a half-day restorative yoga retreat tomorrow.
So, here is today's e-mail, with some guidelines for 2008:
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans, West Virginians and certain rural Central Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES" or "REDNECKS."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
For further guidance on HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT, read on:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK"
She is a " BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY"
She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE"
She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND"
She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 She does not "NAG" you
She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER"
She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT"
He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER"
He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME"
He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING"
He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS"
He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants
It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.
I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.
If anyone is looking to buy Girl Scout cookies and doesn't have a source, I can get them for ya from TNWTDWTMC's daughter.
The usual choices, $3.50 a box, plus I think a couple of new ones:
Thin mints
Tagalongs
AllAbouts
Samoas
Trefoil
Chocolate Chip (sugar free)
Lemon
If other active Coolerheads have kids selling them, nevermind this, and buy from them! That's only fair.
Send me a Private Message, or see me at the RHB. Deadline to order is this Sunday. Delivery early March.
eags, put me in for 4 Somoas
 :eek:
NIce
I had all I could do to not laugh out loud, while I was sitting there having a bagel and a latte. The server at Caribou tried to convince every person coming through the line to register their Caribou card online and Caribou would add $4.00 to the newly registered card. Most of us told her our cards were already registered, to which she said that we can go on and register them in another name at another e-mail address and they would still add $4.00 to the card. She then went on to give examples, such as "you know, if you have wives, children, whatever, you can register it in their name with a different e-mail than the original registration". I heard her say this to more than one man. She also told me I could register my husband, so I think I will. Maybe my dogs too. Been missing them all something powerful lately...
Then, the trivia question of the day was the other thing that had me laughing, nearly had me snorting my vanilla latte. I never did see the question, but the answer was Jerry McGuire. People were having a difficult time getting it, so the server was giving them hints. The conversations invariably went like this:
Server: Think of a spaniel.
Customer: Cocker?
Server: No, another kind of spaniel.
Customer: I don't know.
Server: Jumps around.
Customer: Kangaroo.
Server, No, It bounces.
Customer: I don't know.
Server: You have them in your bed.
Customer: Bedbugs.
Server: No. Who's the guy on TV who has a controversial talk show?
They finally get "Springer".
Server: OK, what's Springer's first name?
Customer: Jerry.
Server: OK, who is another Jerry whose name is in a movie title?
They finally get "Jerry McGuire".
At this point I'm still laughing about the kangaroo and the bedbugs!
And the whole thing sounded just like noodling a clue.
Still LMAO.
I hate new toilets. We tried four different ones last time I remodeled a bathroom before finding one that would flush decently. We finally bought "the 2 gallon toilet that thinks its a 5 gallon toilet".
Now, I never realized before that toilets can think. That is just scary. I wonder what its been thinking all these years. Ass after ass. Geez. But, if the damn thing knows enough to flush right, well, then, let it go ahead and think whatever it wants to.
Well, I'm off to Menards. Will look for the smartest toilet I can find, and make sure the Marquette Menards has one. Meanwhile, my contractor is calling the Crane Company to find out what he can.
I ran all that by the new-to-the-department salesperson, Jeff, at the Burnsville Menards. He was trying to respond seriously - I don't think he got the joke.
Anyway, toilet, tank and seat are purchased and confirmed waiting at the Marquette store. Contractor friend will pick up and install today. Too late for me to start for home today, as I wouldn't get home until about 10PM and I don't like the idea of driving in the dark for the last 4 hours.
So, I guess I will head out and visit my aunt one more time this trip...
I went to Caribou this morning and asked about that $4 deal.
the sign claims you get the card and register it and get the $4.
I ask the guy if there is a limit to how much I have to purchase the card for? He said there is no limit. like, can you just GIVE me the card and I can register the #? doh, no.
I also mentioned I already am on the e-mail list, he said registering the card won't matter - it's not just for new customers.
I bought one for $20. and had some new DeLuce Latte - it was really good.
I wish we woulda had more time to talk while you were here .... shoulda gone to a Caribou. :frown: have a safe trip home- youre in my thoughts
Me too, me2.
I'll be back in mid-March. Not for as long next time, as its just an interim stop on my way to and fro Grand Forks
Oh YA
I clame this ICEMAN!!! LOL :grin:
Uneventful trip. Well, except when I fell on my butt while loading the car this morning.
It is slippery out there. I was out of sidewalk salt so decided to run to the store this morning to buy some. Slipped and fell on my way to the car to go buy the salt. :sillygrin: I'm a pretty good faller though.
So how's the new toilet?
I got an e-mail from my realtor this morning. She wrote, "Our market is starting to pick up a bit and with the builders show in March, it might be good to have your home ready to go around that time."
That sounds about perfect to me - a March listing.