I should ask my sons if they still believe. They are 31 and 28.
I think, when it came up, I said that I still get stuff from Santa, and that as far as I know, as long as you believe, you always will. (or at least *say* you believe!) LOL.
I mean, think about some of the stuff you've gotten from Santa. He gives some cool stuff that parents either wouldn't give or couldn't afford.
Like the year my older son got condoms from Santa. You think Mom would buy a gift like that??? When he pulled that little package out of the toe of his Christmas stocking, there was a note on it saying, "Santa hopes you won't need these, but Santa hopes you will be sure to use them, if you do need them". It was wrapped in the Santa-only paper, and he blushed a shade of red that matched the wrapping paper, and hurried out of the room.
I suppose it complicates things a bit that our own Santa Dave was the real Santa in the eyes of so many of the Cooler kids?
Its a tough one to call. Each parent handles it differently and I don't know that one is right and the other wrong.
Hope this helps. Its all just my opinion. But, as many other crappy things that have happened that I can no longer believe in, I *refuse* to give up believing in Santa.
So, if you decide to "spill", please tell Ali that Eags doesn't know, and not to tell me, OK?
he blushed a shade of red that matched the wrapping paper
LOL! Funny story :grin:
That's where it's hard for me as I'm a believer to an extent as well but I don't like the fibbing over and over again. I want to explain it to her the way I believe but I think she'll just take it as BS and want a clear answer to something there isn't a clear answer to give when coming from me. Like the whole God thing.
Trying to cover up the reason why the paper was there is just one more lie on top of others. "He stashes wrapping paper somewhere in every child's house so he can wrap the presents right on the spot and not need to store all that paper at the North Pole" or something like that.
Thanks for the fast response. I'm kinda freaking right now on what to do.
I sure understand, Cluey. A lot depends on the child, I think. Some just want the straight scoop. I like the idea of explaining it to her the way you believe it - how to find just the right words is the question, though. The wrapping paper thing is a tough one. You're right - I don't think she'd buy that Santa stashes it at your house.
My parents never bothered with wrapping paper - we KNEW it was a Santa gift BECAUSE it was in a dull brown bag or a big empty feed grain bag (kinda gave away their hiding spot on that one). Usually the presents were just the original store packaging with our names marked w. a grease pencil.
Our deal was that Santa would NOT visit on Christmas Eve until we all had a bath - then magically a sack would appear outside on the back porch after we got out and changed into our Jammies.
Personally, I think keeping something exclusively 'Santa' in your house year-round is just asking for the big question.
By the way, don't say ANYTHING about big "S" to Mrs. Dachsund at Carbone's...
I think a cool idea would be to teach her how to be a "Santa" to someone else less fortunate - then SHE can keep her own secret AND see how cool it is to be "Santa"
My kids found out from neighbor kids or friends in school long before I was ready to admit he wasn't real. We never did admit he didn't exist and haven't until this day. Their presents from me at Christmas still say from Santa. :smile: I ask them, "Do you seriously think I can afford to buy all of these gifts?" It works. They all believe. Otherwise they might stop getting gifts. :wink: :sillygrin:
Awwwwww...I remember when my kids asked the big question.
I told them I will always believe in the spirit of Santa.
What's that, Mom?, they asked.
I said its the believing in wonderful things that you can't always see, but benefit you in a big way and make you happy.
So is there a Santa or not, they asked again. I told them to think about it and then tell me what they believed.
Wasn't long before I heard they liked believing, but kinda already knew. They asked about the Santa gifts that would appear under the tree on Christmas morning and if that's why we made such a deal about being sure they were sleeping on Christmas Eve.
Brian, I think, came up with the Santa is kinda like God. You usually can't see him, but you feel him and that's happy. I thought that was nice.
So then we talked about what they thought Christmas was all about. That ended up with them talking about the giving part.
Later we talked about other things that would make them happy at that time of the year. They wanted outdoor lights.
When my sisters and I were little, one of the guys my dad worked with came and played Santa every Christmas Eve. We would spend the evening at my Grandparents, and then I guess Dad would call this guy and tell him we were on the way home.
Shortly after arriving home, we would go upstairs and lay across my Dad's bed and watch the sky for Rudolph. Of course the power of suggestion was enough for glimpses of that red glowing nose.
Then suddenly Santa would be banging his way through the front door.
The last year Santa came to our house, as we were all posed for pictures, I noticed the black stubble under the white beard. I was devastated.
Didn't say anything to my sisters, but after they were asleep, I went to talk to my Mom. I was angry that she had lied and I wanted to know right then if there was also not an Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.
My Mom handled it so well. She fessed up, hugged me and then we talked about the spirit of Santa and somehow it was all okay after that.
imho...he is real as you want him to be....no matter what you tell her...nothing wrong with her going on with her wanting to believe in something that logic tells you it doesn't.
Tell them the story of Santa Dave - and how kids would approach him in the middle of July to tell them what they wanted for Christmas - no red hat, no fuzzy coat, just a white beard and a smiley eyes...
I think it's inevitable that all kids will eventually ask the big question. For me it was a screw up on my mom's part (I already kinda didn't believe) She didn't hide my Easter egg's one year...she tried to pull off the "The Bunny was really busy and asked me if I'd do it for him" and I fell asleep and forgot line....I didn't buy it...My best friends daughter pretty much found out (she also pretty much didn't believe but pretended) by hidding a lost tooth under her pillow and for a week the tooth fairy didn't come (she hadn't told her mom about loosing it).
I say be honest with her because I'm sure she already knows or suspects with all her friends knowing that something is up.
First of all I need to say that I love each and every one of you! insert group hug here
This is a subject that is very near and dear to me and to have diverse imput from each of you really means a lot to a caring father wanting to make the right decision on a sensitive subject.
I purposely waited to go home after I knew Ali would be sleeping so I could digest my options for a few more hours anyway.
A very good friend of mine reminded me to take into consideration of what Ali has gone through in the past year and thought it might be just one more blow to her already deteriorating innocence.
Each of you have great points to consider when determining what should be done in my situation. Thank you all for your input.
You're right - I don't think she'd buy that Santa stashes it at your house.
I agree. She even mentioned to my mom that she was curious how I was going to talk my way out of this one. Which led me to ask myself if I was continuing to play along for me or for her.
nobody looks forward to having these life stages smash them in the face with the reality that we're all getting older.
we KNEW it was a Santa gift BECAUSE it was in a dull brown bag
Us kids knew it was Santa because everything was wrapped in newspaper. I wanted to continue that tradition but the wife put the kabosh on that one. Which was OK.
teach her how to be a "Santa" to someone else less fortunate - then SHE can keep her own secret AND see how cool it is to be "Santa"
Awesome idea! Thanks :cool: :cool:
You dont believe = you get nothing.play the game = you get something
I did that with the Tooth Fairy for the last 2 years. But then I asked myself the same question "Am I doing this for me or her" It did buy me enough time to make it to her last tooth anyway.
They all believe. Otherwise they might stop getting gifts.
That did work for the Tooth Fairy but that particular situation ends at a point. But I get the idea as it's fun to keep the tradition going no matter what your age.
I believe in santa" and "I still get presnts from him".
I do and I still do as well. That statement worked for years. And as far as I'm concerned, will continue to happen regardless of what happens tomorrow.
its the believing in wonderful things that you can't always see, but benefit you in a big way and make you happy.
OMG TV! Beautiful words! I know I'll use them exactly as written
I noticed the black stubble under the white beard. I was devastated. I was angry that she had lied
That's what I'm afraid of :frown:
he is real as you want him to be
Exactly. I think I'll tell her about what happened to me the night we seen Santa last year where I feel he granted my one wish that very same night.
Tell them the story of Santa Dave
That's perfect! I can point out how the paramedics started to try even harder to revive him after I mentioned to them that he was a real honest-to-goodness Santa Claus. They were beat 30 minutes into chest compressions and jump starts and tired as hell and stopped what they were doing but the dads of the group jumped in and continued to do what the others guys were doing and said they understood. Especially when looking towards the entrance and noticing Whitney and Ali standing there. It was a pretty emotional event at an already emotional situation. Especially when all of us knew Dave was gone way before I even laid him on the floor.
I say be honest with her because I'm sure she already knows or suspects with all her friends knowing that something is up.
That's the hardest part. Especially because we're going to counseling together and are asked to speak totally honest with each other. I keep weighing the good vs the bad in this whole situation. Is it better to try and keep this alive within her and chance possible loss of trust in the future or tell her now and ruin any future fond memories that are definitely needed as of late.
could never justify lying to my kids....
That's the demon I've always struggled with but thought the deception was warranted as I thought the positive impact outweighed the 'future' reality.
Unfortunately, the future is here for me tomorrow morning (a couple of hours at this point) and I still don't know what or how I'm going to handle this but am sooooo thankful to have you beautiful people here to lean on during situations like this. All the money in the world couldn't buy support like this. Where else could anyone simply post a question regarding a subject like this and get many thought out responses from people you already know personally.
You guys are the greatest(but you knew that already)
I'll let you know what happens as I have no idea of exactly what road I'm going to go down until it happens. Either way, I don't plan on saying a thing until she asks me. Which will happen. But I just hope I can talk with her best friend's mom to see where she is on the subject since I know they'll talk with each other no matter what.
Thinking about it, the Santa Claus legend has been around since Saint Nicholas. It isn't just some kind of cruel hoax to pull on children, or it would have died after the first generation of children became adults and felt duped. Most parents don't feel they are being deceitful toward their children when we perpetuate the legend, so there is something valid there, something magical.
I have a feeling that parents try to keep it going because once your child doesn't believe, it's a reminder that they're not children and innocent any longer. We feel worse than the child when the time comes I bet. So now she holds the secret about Santa and carries it on to the next generation as has been happening for centuries. It's a rite of passage, and that's pretty cool.
CM, that is a really tough situation. I remember thinking that Santa Claus was the greatest thing in the world. For many of my young years I thought that Santa Claus actually pulled rank on God. I envisioned him as sort of a grandpa to Jesus type figure. I was really sad when some jerks at school told me that he wasn't real. I remember saying to myself that they didn't know what they were talking about and I still believed in Santa. Now, as a 29 year-old I believe that believing in Santa Claus goes along with the whole spirit of Christmas and the magic of that season. I have more Santa decorations around the house each year and I think that the idea of Santa is something fantastic and even though I know he isn't a man who drops gifts down your chimney, I find solace in the idea that there is a figure who looks out for people and brings joy to peoples' hearts. I don't have any advice because I don't have children of my own, but I will say that when a child stops believing in things that are magical and hard to explain, they lose a part of what makes life joyful. Maybe tell your daughter about the legend of Santa Claus and while he might not be the tangible man depicted in stories and movies, he is alive in our hearts and represents the spirit of kindness and what is good.
Can I tell you? I love you all. This Santa discussion is just beautiful. So much wisdom and compassionate love.
Not to take away from what anyone has said, because its all beautiful, but, Art, your post really touched my heart.
while he might not be the tangible man depicted in stories and movies, he is alive in our hearts and represents the spirit of kindness and what is good
CM, you are a wonderful father. Be gentle with yourself. Speak from your heart and I know you will find just the right words.
Times like this can feel extra lonely when you face a parenting crisis alone. I know I have come to this group when I've needed to know I was less alone and I know you, too, feel the love and support of the Cooler Crew today.
You could always do what my brother does - he's told his kids (9, 6, 6, 3) that not everything you hear about Santa is true, there are some myths. He tells his kids that the way parents get presents from Santa is he comes down the chimney, and the parents have to report whether or not the kids have been naughty or nice, and if they lie, then nobody gets presents. So he puts a big chart on the wall with everybody's name on it, a "naughty" column and a "nice" column, and that way all the kids know where they stand. Maybe you can say something flippant like "Didn't you wonder why the gifts you got from Santa had different wrapping paper then your friends' gifts from Santa?" and leave it hanging.
Heh.. I'm well past the santa age, but every couple years or so my parents get me some stuff and pretend it's from Santa.
When I was a kid, they did all sorts of extra stuff around the holidays. They even heard about some dutch santa traditions where santa would leave stuff in kids shoes (granted these days finding candy and whatnot in your shoes would be kinda gross...). Oh well, we all grow up sometime I guess. But, it's nice to have things to pass down to your kids when they have kids of their own (better that than parents ignoring their kids, sadly I hear a lot of that these days too..).
That would be St. Nicholas Day. Celebrated on December 6. We did that for a while. My husband was half Dutch and grew up with that tradition, Dropped it after the first couple of kids.
My neighbor and her kids celebrate St. Nicholas Day and I've been the recipient of their thoughtfulness a couple of times. They put together gift baskets and deliver them anonymously to neighbors and friends. The only reason I know it was them is because I happened to hear someone on the porch, went to look, and saw them running back to the car. The baskets usually have a Christmas CD or video, and some quality candy. Its a real day-brightener.
Thank you guys once again for all the support on this subject. I was able to skirt the subject this morning by directing the conversation towards her being in trouble for taking down her bike when I said not to. She was too busy trying to defend herself that she didn't bring up the wrapping paper.
I did decide that I would try and continue with the legend as long as Ali didn't prod me and point out holes in any of my stories. I wasn't told outright so I can't pinpoint an exact time where I stopped believing. Thus never really ending the age of innocence with an actual event. I am curious of how people who were told, handle passing on the holiday spirit tradition. I know that I always start off my holiday season with a bah humbug attitude but it comes around pretty good around the 15th.
We feel worse than the child when the time comes
Agreed. By the fact that she didn't bring it up first thing this morning leads me to believe that I care about this whole thing more than she does.
I find solace in the idea that there is a figure who looks out for people and brings joy to peoples' hearts.
That's the whole thing in a nutshell. I totally believe in the Santa concept. And being able to turn into that guy for one night a year is a great feeling. Especially because you accept that you are doing it with the up front understanding that you won't get any recognition whatsoever for your good deed. It's it's own reward that way.
You have a great way of expressing your feelings Art. Very well written.
Times like this can feel extra lonely when you face a parenting crisis alone
No kidding. I'm so glad I have you wonderful folks to lean on!
"about time you figured it out..."
If she comes to me with a bunch of details regarding how everything is done then I don't plan on trying to defend myself any longer. That would be nice in a way.
that not everything you hear about Santa is true, there are some myths
That's nice in that I can cover myself on both sides of the story. Good advice. Thanks Bear
so I am glad she's not physically hurt at least
That was the main reason why I didn't want her going up there to get her bike. I never even tought about the wrapping paper. I think I might even have some paraphernalia and some porn stashed up there as well :sheepish: :sheepish:
when I was a kid Santa didn't wrap presents - what was under the tree was from family. Santa would leave a stocking full of candy and games and maybe a beautiful nightgown or a Bigwheel or Wonder Woman doll next to the stocking. Marks side of the family is who got things started on wrapping Santa gifts because they would just plain buy too much and didn't want it all from them because it would make the other grandma look bad. They didn't need the recognition - they just loved the girls and wanted to buy them crap.
I don't remember what age. I just know that Santa was concerned! LOL.
And now that I think about it, I probably should not have shared that story here!!! I try real hard not to say things that might seem like a betrayal of trust, and there I went, blabbing to the whole Cooler about something so personal.
I do have to say I don't know for a fact that anything was going on. But I saw the look in the girlfriend's eye and figured she might be having one of those "wouldn't a little baby be nice" hormone rushes.
I like the idea of "finding out" NOT being an "event". I think the whole legend falls into place for each of us, in our own time. Kind of an aha moment, but a personal one. Perhaps our belief shifts a bit, but like so many of you, I will never stop believing.
soooo, ian, how does your guy get on the other side of the ball and not run over by it? :wink: his lucky day...but then again, he has to push it back up the hill again.
and the being honest with our kids thing? not refering to Santa here but in general.
we are their parents - we are not equals til they grow up anyway There are billions of things we teach them - but we are to protect them mentally, spiritually, physically.
My gifts from Santa weren't wrapped and neither were the gifts my children got from Santa. There were five of us and I was quite a bit younger than my older sisters, so the Santa gifts were all mine. :grin:
We'd put Santa's gifts for our kids on chairs, separated on the sofa or on a table - where ever there was room. It got kind of hectic in the morning when they'd try to figure out what was theirs. Not to mention there were some gifts to be shared.
Up until this past Christmas Santa filled stockings for my grandchildren here at my house too. I stopped that this year. It really didn't make sense that Santa would show up here and I was spending far too much money on stupid stuff to fit in the sock, most of which they didn't care about anyway. I told the younger ones that Santa must have figured out I was tricking him by hanging socks and he stopped coming here because he's busy filling socks at their homes. But the Easter Bunny still shows up and hides eggs outside. :smile:
Abby, my youngest, believed the longest. And she'd insist that her sister Angela, who is four years older, go to see Santa with her. I love the pictures of Abby and Angela sitting on Santa's lap. Abby has a big grin on her face, and Angela is trying to look excited but actually looks kind of embarrassed.
I caught my wife snooping in here a couple days ago - gotta be careful about what you say about the S-Man - geez that was uncomfortable trying to explain what was going on.... :wink:
She also said she already saw my college spring break photos too, so, I guess there's no secrets left on MY end...
Santa didn't wrap presents at our house either. We did gift exchange on Christmas Eve of the gifts under the tree and santa came over night. They musta hid the presents in the garage or closets somwhere. He'd fill the stockings (not much different from a shoe I suppose) with candy and stocking stuffers and the stocking would be by a larger toy so we knew whos was whos. (we had 7 kids).
Penny didn't really do stocking or santa much, but I kept it up. We blended a bit because now she wants santa gifts wrapped in wrapping paper, and I of course go along with that.
Up until this past Christmas Santa filled stockings for my grandchildren here at my house too. I stopped that this year.
I'm stopping that next year. We already discussed it. I didn't get stocking at my grandparents house, we had them at our house. I figure the kids can do that themselves for their own children if they want to. Not our job.
I thought long and hard if I should have asked the question in the no-mod thread but didn't want 'outsiders' chiming in with their advice. I trust you guys and thought that kids really don't come in here anyway.
We also had so many other gifts that had to go here or there, that I started wrapping my family's gifts in one paper and the in-laws' gifts in another paper, with yet a third paper for gifts that stayed at our house, and a fourth for gifts that needed to be taken to work or girlfriend lunches, etc.
Sounds kinda A.R. but not that difficult to do and it sure simplified things when we were trying to get out the door to the Christmas Eve party.
Kinda funny how santa used to work at our house growing up. My parents would wait till we were sleeping and do santa. Then we'd wake up and see the "santa" gifts in the morning. Worked great until we got older. Then us kids used to go out after exchanging presents on christmas eve and got home after our parents had gone to bed. We could then play santa for them and put out our "santa gifts" while they slept. Then we'd go to bed and and our parents put out the santa gifts for us in the morning while we were still sleeping, so we still got our presents from santa in the morning.
Now its kinda hard because Penny goes to church with her daughter at midnight and I go to bed. So its kinda hard to be sneaky because she still gets up earlier than me, even when she's up longer.
even if I have a list I still forget what I've purchased if I wrap it all! When I was about 13 there was only 1 present under the tree at grandmas house for me. I will NEVER let anyone be forgotten or feel like they got less than another. Soooo, I usually buy for 2 months and then lay it all out in the livingroom on the floor to be sure everyone is equal in size or price and than wrap everything. If someone has too much than I save it for a birthday or if someone has too little it goes on a last minute shopping list.
I do the same with the girls- doesn't really matter how many items though as long as the cost is even. And they know ahead of time that the cost is even because there is no sad faces or jealousy allowed.
We got our Santa gifts after we came home from Midnight Mass most of the time. We'd stay up playing until we literally fell over with exhaustion. We did the morning presents every other year.
I should ask my sons if they still believe. They are 31 and 28.
I think, when it came up, I said that I still get stuff from Santa, and that as far as I know, as long as you believe, you always will. (or at least *say* you believe!) LOL.
I mean, think about some of the stuff you've gotten from Santa. He gives some cool stuff that parents either wouldn't give or couldn't afford.
Like the year my older son got condoms from Santa. You think Mom would buy a gift like that??? When he pulled that little package out of the toe of his Christmas stocking, there was a note on it saying, "Santa hopes you won't need these, but Santa hopes you will be sure to use them, if you do need them". It was wrapped in the Santa-only paper, and he blushed a shade of red that matched the wrapping paper, and hurried out of the room.
But I digress.
You could show her the "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" article:
http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia/
I suppose it complicates things a bit that our own Santa Dave was the real Santa in the eyes of so many of the Cooler kids?
Its a tough one to call. Each parent handles it differently and I don't know that one is right and the other wrong.
Hope this helps. Its all just my opinion. But, as many other crappy things that have happened that I can no longer believe in, I *refuse* to give up believing in Santa.
So, if you decide to "spill", please tell Ali that Eags doesn't know, and not to tell me, OK?
he blushed a shade of red that matched the wrapping paper
LOL! Funny story :grin:
That's where it's hard for me as I'm a believer to an extent as well but I don't like the fibbing over and over again. I want to explain it to her the way I believe but I think she'll just take it as BS and want a clear answer to something there isn't a clear answer to give when coming from me. Like the whole God thing.
Trying to cover up the reason why the paper was there is just one more lie on top of others. "He stashes wrapping paper somewhere in every child's house so he can wrap the presents right on the spot and not need to store all that paper at the North Pole" or something like that.
Thanks for the fast response. I'm kinda freaking right now on what to do.
My parents never bothered with wrapping paper - we KNEW it was a Santa gift BECAUSE it was in a dull brown bag or a big empty feed grain bag (kinda gave away their hiding spot on that one). Usually the presents were just the original store packaging with our names marked w. a grease pencil.
Our deal was that Santa would NOT visit on Christmas Eve until we all had a bath - then magically a sack would appear outside on the back porch after we got out and changed into our Jammies.
Personally, I think keeping something exclusively 'Santa' in your house year-round is just asking for the big question.
By the way, don't say ANYTHING about big "S" to Mrs. Dachsund at Carbone's...
I think a cool idea would be to teach her how to be a "Santa" to someone else less fortunate - then SHE can keep her own secret AND see how cool it is to be "Santa"
You dont believe = you get nothing.
play the game = you get something. Just "pretend" you believe.
She's bound to find out sooner or later.
I told them I will always believe in the spirit of Santa.
What's that, Mom?, they asked.
I said its the believing in wonderful things that you can't always see, but benefit you in a big way and make you happy.
So is there a Santa or not, they asked again. I told them to think about it and then tell me what they believed.
Wasn't long before I heard they liked believing, but kinda already knew. They asked about the Santa gifts that would appear under the tree on Christmas morning and if that's why we made such a deal about being sure they were sleeping on Christmas Eve.
Brian, I think, came up with the Santa is kinda like God. You usually can't see him, but you feel him and that's happy. I thought that was nice.
So then we talked about what they thought Christmas was all about. That ended up with them talking about the giving part.
Later we talked about other things that would make them happy at that time of the year. They wanted outdoor lights.
Shortly after arriving home, we would go upstairs and lay across my Dad's bed and watch the sky for Rudolph. Of course the power of suggestion was enough for glimpses of that red glowing nose.
Then suddenly Santa would be banging his way through the front door.
The last year Santa came to our house, as we were all posed for pictures, I noticed the black stubble under the white beard. I was devastated.
Didn't say anything to my sisters, but after they were asleep, I went to talk to my Mom. I was angry that she had lied and I wanted to know right then if there was also not an Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.
My Mom handled it so well. She fessed up, hugged me and then we talked about the spirit of Santa and somehow it was all okay after that.
I say be honest with her because I'm sure she already knows or suspects with all her friends knowing that something is up.
This is a subject that is very near and dear to me and to have diverse imput from each of you really means a lot to a caring father wanting to make the right decision on a sensitive subject.
I purposely waited to go home after I knew Ali would be sleeping so I could digest my options for a few more hours anyway.
A very good friend of mine reminded me to take into consideration of what Ali has gone through in the past year and thought it might be just one more blow to her already deteriorating innocence.
Each of you have great points to consider when determining what should be done in my situation. Thank you all for your input.
You're right - I don't think she'd buy that Santa stashes it at your house.
I agree. She even mentioned to my mom that she was curious how I was going to talk my way out of this one. Which led me to ask myself if I was continuing to play along for me or for her.
nobody looks forward to having these life stages smash them in the face with the reality that we're all getting older.
we KNEW it was a Santa gift BECAUSE it was in a dull brown bag
Us kids knew it was Santa because everything was wrapped in newspaper. I wanted to continue that tradition but the wife put the kabosh on that one. Which was OK.
teach her how to be a "Santa" to someone else less fortunate - then SHE can keep her own secret AND see how cool it is to be "Santa"
Awesome idea! Thanks :cool: :cool:
You dont believe = you get nothing. play the game = you get something
I did that with the Tooth Fairy for the last 2 years. But then I asked myself the same question "Am I doing this for me or her" It did buy me enough time to make it to her last tooth anyway.
They all believe. Otherwise they might stop getting gifts.
That did work for the Tooth Fairy but that particular situation ends at a point. But I get the idea as it's fun to keep the tradition going no matter what your age.
I believe in santa" and "I still get presnts from him".
I do and I still do as well. That statement worked for years. And as far as I'm concerned, will continue to happen regardless of what happens tomorrow.
its the believing in wonderful things that you can't always see, but benefit you in a big way and make you happy.
OMG TV! Beautiful words! I know I'll use them exactly as written
I noticed the black stubble under the white beard. I was devastated. I was angry that she had lied
That's what I'm afraid of :frown:
he is real as you want him to be
Exactly. I think I'll tell her about what happened to me the night we seen Santa last year where I feel he granted my one wish that very same night.
Tell them the story of Santa Dave
That's perfect! I can point out how the paramedics started to try even harder to revive him after I mentioned to them that he was a real honest-to-goodness Santa Claus. They were beat 30 minutes into chest compressions and jump starts and tired as hell and stopped what they were doing but the dads of the group jumped in and continued to do what the others guys were doing and said they understood. Especially when looking towards the entrance and noticing Whitney and Ali standing there. It was a pretty emotional event at an already emotional situation. Especially when all of us knew Dave was gone way before I even laid him on the floor.
I say be honest with her because I'm sure she already knows or suspects with all her friends knowing that something is up.
That's the hardest part. Especially because we're going to counseling together and are asked to speak totally honest with each other. I keep weighing the good vs the bad in this whole situation. Is it better to try and keep this alive within her and chance possible loss of trust in the future or tell her now and ruin any future fond memories that are definitely needed as of late.
could never justify lying to my kids....
That's the demon I've always struggled with but thought the deception was warranted as I thought the positive impact outweighed the 'future' reality.
Unfortunately, the future is here for me tomorrow morning (a couple of hours at this point) and I still don't know what or how I'm going to handle this but am sooooo thankful to have you beautiful people here to lean on during situations like this. All the money in the world couldn't buy support like this. Where else could anyone simply post a question regarding a subject like this and get many thought out responses from people you already know personally.
You guys are the greatest (but you knew that already)
I'll let you know what happens as I have no idea of exactly what road I'm going to go down until it happens. Either way, I don't plan on saying a thing until she asks me. Which will happen. But I just hope I can talk with her best friend's mom to see where she is on the subject since I know they'll talk with each other no matter what.
:frown:
I'll be thinking of you both today.
I have a feeling that parents try to keep it going because once your child doesn't believe, it's a reminder that they're not children and innocent any longer. We feel worse than the child when the time comes I bet. So now she holds the secret about Santa and carries it on to the next generation as has been happening for centuries. It's a rite of passage, and that's pretty cool.
:smile:
Not to take away from what anyone has said, because its all beautiful, but, Art, your post really touched my heart.
CM, you are a wonderful father. Be gentle with yourself. Speak from your heart and I know you will find just the right words.
Times like this can feel extra lonely when you face a parenting crisis alone. I know I have come to this group when I've needed to know I was less alone and I know you, too, feel the love and support of the Cooler Crew today.
better than what I'd do....
I'm sure I said (or will say) something like....well...
"about time you figured it out..."
when all of this posting got started...
and I started to read CM first post...
I thought oh man....she feel from the top of the camper or something...
so I am glad she's not physically hurt at least :wink:
When I was a kid, they did all sorts of extra stuff around the holidays. They even heard about some dutch santa traditions where santa would leave stuff in kids shoes (granted these days finding candy and whatnot in your shoes would be kinda gross...). Oh well, we all grow up sometime I guess. But, it's nice to have things to pass down to your kids when they have kids of their own (better that than parents ignoring their kids, sadly I hear a lot of that these days too..).
miracle on 34th st is one of my alltime favorite movies.
how old was your son when Santa gave him condoms? heh - good one Santa!
Christmas and Santa really give an age of innocence, something to believe in. Like virginity...you can't get it back.
I did decide that I would try and continue with the legend as long as Ali didn't prod me and point out holes in any of my stories. I wasn't told outright so I can't pinpoint an exact time where I stopped believing. Thus never really ending the age of innocence with an actual event. I am curious of how people who were told, handle passing on the holiday spirit tradition. I know that I always start off my holiday season with a bah humbug attitude but it comes around pretty good around the 15th.
We feel worse than the child when the time comes
Agreed. By the fact that she didn't bring it up first thing this morning leads me to believe that I care about this whole thing more than she does.
I find solace in the idea that there is a figure who looks out for people and brings joy to peoples' hearts.
That's the whole thing in a nutshell. I totally believe in the Santa concept. And being able to turn into that guy for one night a year is a great feeling. Especially because you accept that you are doing it with the up front understanding that you won't get any recognition whatsoever for your good deed. It's it's own reward that way.
You have a great way of expressing your feelings Art. Very well written.
Times like this can feel extra lonely when you face a parenting crisis alone
No kidding. I'm so glad I have you wonderful folks to lean on!
"about time you figured it out..."
If she comes to me with a bunch of details regarding how everything is done then I don't plan on trying to defend myself any longer. That would be nice in a way.
that not everything you hear about Santa is true, there are some myths
That's nice in that I can cover myself on both sides of the story. Good advice. Thanks Bear
so I am glad she's not physically hurt at least
That was the main reason why I didn't want her going up there to get her bike. I never even tought about the wrapping paper. I think I might even have some paraphernalia and some porn stashed up there as well :sheepish: :sheepish:
when I was a kid Santa didn't wrap presents - what was under the tree was from family. Santa would leave a stocking full of candy and games and maybe a beautiful nightgown or a Bigwheel or Wonder Woman doll next to the stocking. Marks side of the family is who got things started on wrapping Santa gifts because they would just plain buy too much and didn't want it all from them because it would make the other grandma look bad. They didn't need the recognition - they just loved the girls and wanted to buy them crap.
I can NEVER say the spirit of santa does not exist. PERIOD.
the kids ask or talk about it and they just say "sure mom"
but you can bet every Christmas Eve that even Sarah helps put out cookies and carrots (just in case) and is in bed and grateful in the morning.
When we would go shopping the items they always want are the hardest to find.... so Santa MUST be able to find it somehow.
And now that I think about it, I probably should not have shared that story here!!! I try real hard not to say things that might seem like a betrayal of trust, and there I went, blabbing to the whole Cooler about something so personal.
I do have to say I don't know for a fact that anything was going on. But I saw the look in the girlfriend's eye and figured she might be having one of those "wouldn't a little baby be nice" hormone rushes.
I don't know, CM, if any kids stop in here.
Yikes.
and the being honest with our kids thing? not refering to Santa here but in general.
we are their parents - we are not equals til they grow up anyway There are billions of things we teach them - but we are to protect them mentally, spiritually, physically.
We'd put Santa's gifts for our kids on chairs, separated on the sofa or on a table - where ever there was room. It got kind of hectic in the morning when they'd try to figure out what was theirs. Not to mention there were some gifts to be shared.
Up until this past Christmas Santa filled stockings for my grandchildren here at my house too. I stopped that this year. It really didn't make sense that Santa would show up here and I was spending far too much money on stupid stuff to fit in the sock, most of which they didn't care about anyway. I told the younger ones that Santa must have figured out I was tricking him by hanging socks and he stopped coming here because he's busy filling socks at their homes. But the Easter Bunny still shows up and hides eggs outside. :smile:
She also said she already saw my college spring break photos too, so, I guess there's no secrets left on MY end...
Penny didn't really do stocking or santa much, but I kept it up. We blended a bit because now she wants santa gifts wrapped in wrapping paper, and I of course go along with that.
I'm stopping that next year. We already discussed it. I didn't get stocking at my grandparents house, we had them at our house. I figure the kids can do that themselves for their own children if they want to. Not our job.
http://fatherhood.about.com/od/christmasholidays/a/is_Santa_real.htm
We also had so many other gifts that had to go here or there, that I started wrapping my family's gifts in one paper and the in-laws' gifts in another paper, with yet a third paper for gifts that stayed at our house, and a fourth for gifts that needed to be taken to work or girlfriend lunches, etc.
Sounds kinda A.R. but not that difficult to do and it sure simplified things when we were trying to get out the door to the Christmas Eve party.
Now its kinda hard because Penny goes to church with her daughter at midnight and I go to bed. So its kinda hard to be sneaky because she still gets up earlier than me, even when she's up longer.
I do the same with the girls- doesn't really matter how many items though as long as the cost is even. And they know ahead of time that the cost is even because there is no sad faces or jealousy allowed.