Frodo and I are presently holed up in my temporary home office, while the painters paint the office/guest room and the front room. This temporary office is crammed into my bedroom. I've found it works best to take the dog and disappear when I've got workers here.
After the painters leave today, I will be moving things back into the two rooms they painted today, then I will empty the great room, which they will come back and paint tomorrow.
I moved stuff until nearly 1AM this morning. I have a lot of stuff I'd forgotten I had, until I started moving it! The front room has been kind of a catch-all room for the past seven months, while kitchen remodeling has been going on.
The goal is to get this house ready to put on the market, in hopes of moving back to the twin cities.
The unweaving of my life here has not, and will not be easy.
My family's roots are here, yet I was the only person in my family who ever seemed to feel drawn to live here.
I have been looking at the same pro and con lists for the past four years, and nothing has changed!
I've come to the conclusion that, since I agonize over this a lot, I probably am not totally sold on staying here, and am aware of times I've stayed here simply by default. The work of selling and moving, the timing of things that have to happen in sequence, were an awful lot for me to deal with at a time when I was in deep grief and my energy was low.
So, I think I should give it a whirl. Move back, see how it feels.
If I could spend a chunk of time there - in my own space - without the commitment of selling everything here to do it - that would be so much more comfortable. But its difficult, financially, to have your cake and eat it too. And coming for visits is difficult - there is little spontaneity about the things I plan with family and friends - and traveling with dogs has greatly limited where I can stay while I'm there.
Well, there's a little intro to what is going on in my life right now. Big decisions on the horizen. Big challenges to grow my business so that I can keep having options to be where I want to be. Perhaps I can find a way to have the best of both places.
I've come to the conclusion that, since I agonize over this a lot, I probably am not totally sold on staying here, and am aware of times I've stayed here simply by default.
That would put it on your pro list (not having to fret anymore)
I have no doubt youll make the choice thats right for you in the end.
That would put it on your pro list (not having to fret anymore)
Yeah, that is one item on my pro list, however, both places are in my heart now, having lived in both. The only way I will know if the move is for me, is to do it. But I'm going into it with eyes wide open, knowing perhaps I will end up fretting cuz I miss this place!
I am the ONLY person in my family who has ever moved away and stayed longer than one year.
And it was easy, cuz I was in love and newly married, and cuz its awesome here.
We used to make frequent trips to MN to see my family, so even that part of it was easy. I got to see my sons, and other family, every couple of months then. But traveling that far, often in unpredictable weather, with two dogs - well its a whole different thing doing it alone.
I'm on a diet. No pizza for me. I've lost 18 lbs already by eating good food and exercise every other day. Not to mention my cholesterol went down to 130 from 210.
That is a very good idea. I have been exploring the idea of renting something down there, but the realtors I have looking on my behalf have not come up with anything that will meet my needs. The rental idea is one of three ideas that might get me back in the area. Well, one of four. Not wanting to go into too much detail, but its all a matter of getting certain dominoes in place.
We had Chinese for lunch yesterday at work. I should have saved my fortune. It was, by far, the most bizarre, stupid, idiotic fortune I've ever seen - but I can't remember it now.
Eags, I just got done painting the stairway and a hallway and had to clear out 2 bedrooms, a livingroom AND entryway for carpeting last week!!!! I completely understand pitchin and having to move everything back. The truck has aa few bags going to the Goodwill today and I gave handmedowns to a girlfriend...we had packed Sarahs room to the gills with just about everything for a couple of days and put everything else outside on the deck-praying for no rain. We cleaned the baseboards and I packed everything from dresser drawers into suitcases to be able to move furniture....I really felt like I was moving out- very very sureal. But let me tell yah...it feeeeeels sooooo good to have it all done - the smell of fresh paint and new carpet is wonderful. Did I miss the color? what color did you have painted?
The paint color is Dutch Boy comfrey. It looks just a bit greener than blue spruce. My home is surrounded by mature pine trees. The front room and great room have a lot of knotty cedar, actually very little wall surface to paint, but lots of cutting in. The kitchen and hallway, which bisect the house from side to side, were very dark oak. The new kitchen is natural knotty alder and the new doors in the hallway are natural knotty pine 4-panel. So the whole house is cohesive now. All done in woods that look right in this woodsy setting! The kitchen cabinets and stove and the hallway doors all got re-used in other homes or projects, so I feel good about that - very little went to the landfill. I will post pics when I find my camera software and get it installed on this new computer. Funny how I can't put my finger on it right now, but everything is still torn apart.
I did manage to get one little strip of the great room cleaned last night. Will do a strip on the other side now, and then I can start moving things back "from the middle". Oughta take shape pretty quickly after that!
Drummer and Jen will be here tomorrow afternoon, some time after 3PM. I can't wait!!
I am caring for a friend's cat right now. The cat has cancer, but the owners have been able to keep her comfortable with medications. One of the owners is a hospice nurse I used to work with. She has been working with their vet to get the right medication regimen going. Some things are a judgment call, though. The cat seems to be failing rather quickly now, and we've had to give doses more often now (all within what's ordered). The owners will be home tomorrow or Tuesday. We're keeping the cat comfortable, but I hope she makes it until her daddy gets home - she is his most beloved cat.
Looks like Kittie Girl is having a good day - and her parents will be home tonight.
Yesterday, we thought she was using up her ninth life. The vet has her on steroids, a diuretic and pain medicine. But she was doing very poorly yesterday morning. We bumped up her meds a bit yesterday, and it seems to be doing the trick. This morning she met the other caregiver at the door - with a gift - a dead mouse. I'm glad it wasn't me who got that gift!
It does get easier, CM. Either that or you get more used to it, or something. Often these milestones feel like another layer of the onion. Another part of integrating everything.
I think that was the one hope I clung to, when nothing made sense. People who had reason to know, told me it would get easier, in time. And I believed them. I had to. I had to believe SOMETHING at that point!
The sadiversaries are still tough, seems like either the lead-up to the day is hard and the actual day is not as bad as expected, or else, if it sneaks up on ya, then its a whammy of a day.
Da Yooper and I got such a short time together. And there is no fixing that, in this lifetime. We met in 1967, saw each other last in 1968, were kept apart by the inevitable math of young ages divided by 400 miles, and eventually went on separate paths for 32 years.
We both felt we had "paid our dues" and we were hoping, even though we were each nearing 50 when we married, that we might have 50 years together. We both come from families where many have lived well into their 90s, so it seemed like an attainable goal.
Never heard the term. Very appropriate. Thanks for sharing your story Eags. I seen a version of that on the old Love American Style show.
I've used that Don Henley song for one of my montage videos of Amy & I and for her brother and his wife. It works well with a slideshow.
it sneaks up on ya, then its a whammy of a day
That's one thing I've noticed, I can't seem to control those whammy days. It's like "Where the hell did that come from?" I have lots of sneak-up-whammy moments, where it's real real bad for a minute or two, then it goes away just as fast as it came in. I have acid reflux and it reminds me of that feeling where the acid comes up into your throat when you least expect it. It sucks for a minute or two then it just goes away.
<edit> Like reading Kitch's post in the lyrics thread :frown:
I'm glad you still 'celebrate' the special days you had together. I've had other widowers that say it's best to ignore those dates because they only keep the pain alive. I disagree at this point as I feel it pays tribute to what you experienced together. Do you make a personal note to do something on his birthday, the day he died, other anniversaries etc?
I'm glad you still 'celebrate' the special days you had together. I've had other widowers that say it's best to ignore those dates because they only keep the pain alive. I disagree at this point as I feel it pays tribute to what you experienced together. Do you make a personal note to do something on his birthday, the day he died, other anniversaries etc?
I've always had a "calendar in my head" and an incredible memory for dates. I know that certain dates will always have meaning for me. Others can and should do as they believe is best for them, but I do better when I do at least something to acknowledge the day - the ritual and tradition of it feels right and helpful and comforting. In fact, I've had some of my worst days when I've been staying *too* busy and then it all catches up with me.
I'd rather accept whatever each days holds, feel it, and move through it.
And, as the person who loved him most in this life, I *want* to honor his memory, especially on days that were special or significant to us.
<edit> Like reading Kitch's post in the lyrics thread
I think there is room for both: honoring the past, and looking to the future. I do think it is important to try to see the hope in tomorrow.
But there are times when grief has been paralyzing. At those times, I try to at least be facing in the right direction - forward. That way, when I am able to move again, I will be ready to move forward, and even if I fall, I might make some forward progress. In fact, it is often after some of my most painful times, that I have come out on the other side having experienced profound healing.
My son and his girlfriend (Drummer and Jen) are visiting for two weeks. It is lovely to have them here.
This morning, they took off for a favorite spot in a favorite park. Then they came back and told me -
They are engaged to be married!!! No date set yet.
After receiving that news, I stepped outside to find the first rose of the season blooming - on the rosebushes Da Yooper planted for me. They usually bloom on our anniversary. Blooming one day later this year made the first bloom on Drummer and Jen's engagement date! A nice little sign, I think.
CM, you asked about honoring anniversaries, etc. On those days I buy a Mylar balloon and write all the stuff I want to say on it and release it. Then I watch it until its out of sight.
I picture some farmer somewhere coming across my balloons in his field and reading them and wondering, WTH?
I have a friend who writes to her husband on those days, then has a fire in their firepit, sending the words up in smoke to him, is how she envisions it.
Thanks, me2. The book isn't even in bookstores - yet! There was a request from a local bookstore for a few copies, today.
But, my sister and I are going to handle it for now. We're working on getting firm prices set for hardcover and paperback. Surely can get a signed copy for you - no problem.
I'm keeping track of the requests and will let people know in a few days, of the details.
I guess I thought this *could* happen, but it is fun to see the interest this has generated in the book!
Frodo and I are presently holed up in my temporary home office, while the painters paint the office/guest room and the front room. This temporary office is crammed into my bedroom. I've found it works best to take the dog and disappear when I've got workers here.
After the painters leave today, I will be moving things back into the two rooms they painted today, then I will empty the great room, which they will come back and paint tomorrow.
I moved stuff until nearly 1AM this morning. I have a lot of stuff I'd forgotten I had, until I started moving it! The front room has been kind of a catch-all room for the past seven months, while kitchen remodeling has been going on.
The goal is to get this house ready to put on the market, in hopes of moving back to the twin cities.
The unweaving of my life here has not, and will not be easy.
My family's roots are here, yet I was the only person in my family who ever seemed to feel drawn to live here.
I have been looking at the same pro and con lists for the past four years, and nothing has changed!
I've come to the conclusion that, since I agonize over this a lot, I probably am not totally sold on staying here, and am aware of times I've stayed here simply by default. The work of selling and moving, the timing of things that have to happen in sequence, were an awful lot for me to deal with at a time when I was in deep grief and my energy was low.
So, I think I should give it a whirl. Move back, see how it feels.
If I could spend a chunk of time there - in my own space - without the commitment of selling everything here to do it - that would be so much more comfortable. But its difficult, financially, to have your cake and eat it too. And coming for visits is difficult - there is little spontaneity about the things I plan with family and friends - and traveling with dogs has greatly limited where I can stay while I'm there.
Well, there's a little intro to what is going on in my life right now. Big decisions on the horizen. Big challenges to grow my business so that I can keep having options to be where I want to be. Perhaps I can find a way to have the best of both places.
That would put it on your pro list (not having to fret anymore)
I have no doubt youll make the choice thats right for you in the end.
Yeah, that is one item on my pro list, however, both places are in my heart now, having lived in both. The only way I will know if the move is for me, is to do it. But I'm going into it with eyes wide open, knowing perhaps I will end up fretting cuz I miss this place!
And it was easy, cuz I was in love and newly married, and cuz its awesome here.
We used to make frequent trips to MN to see my family, so even that part of it was easy. I got to see my sons, and other family, every couple of months then. But traveling that far, often in unpredictable weather, with two dogs - well its a whole different thing doing it alone.
But... here's the con... no Fazoli's :frown: :angry: :frown:
Huh, 3M? :pbpt:
KC was the first CC person Ive seen here.. so he gets an extra Cooler sticker :smile:
We, of course, would love having you back in Minnesota, and I know your family would too - but it has to be when and if you're ready.
Yours, Eags, seems quite fitting.
Now I just have to put everything back in place, which should be a challenge since I'm not sure everything ever WAS in place.
Theoretically, this would be a good time to sort and pitch a lot of stuff.
you should think of going into a side business as a fortune cookie writer - hehe
confucius says:
-NOT-
:sillygrin: :cool:
I did manage to get one little strip of the great room cleaned last night. Will do a strip on the other side now, and then I can start moving things back "from the middle". Oughta take shape pretty quickly after that!
Drummer and Jen will be here tomorrow afternoon, some time after 3PM. I can't wait!!
I am caring for a friend's cat right now. The cat has cancer, but the owners have been able to keep her comfortable with medications. One of the owners is a hospice nurse I used to work with. She has been working with their vet to get the right medication regimen going. Some things are a judgment call, though. The cat seems to be failing rather quickly now, and we've had to give doses more often now (all within what's ordered). The owners will be home tomorrow or Tuesday. We're keeping the cat comfortable, but I hope she makes it until her daddy gets home - she is his most beloved cat.
Yesterday, we thought she was using up her ninth life. The vet has her on steroids, a diuretic and pain medicine. But she was doing very poorly yesterday morning. We bumped up her meds a bit yesterday, and it seems to be doing the trick. This morning she met the other caregiver at the door - with a gift - a dead mouse. I'm glad it wasn't me who got that gift!
I like gestures of love like that
So difficult to believe that he's already been gone four of those six years.
I hope this gives you a smile
thinking of you tonight :smile:
Anniversary song from Da Yooper
Honey do you remember
What day it is today
Remember that special occasion
On that beautiful morning in may
You wore a rented tuxedo
We had champagne on ice
Both of our families were gathered
And everyone acted so nice
(male vocal)
Your uncle ernie's funeral
That's a party i'll never forget
That's when you got sick on that kesslers
And those cudighis that you et
You spent the night in the bathroom
You missed all the fun that we had
We took uncle ernie to town for last call
Then we sent him home in a cab
Chorus: (female vocal)
The older you get the more you forget
To remember what you should recall
You fill in the blanks in your memory with things
That may not have happened at all
You never remember my birthday
But you know when deer season comes
You otta be shot 'cause i know you forgot
It's our anniversary you bum
Remember the day we were married
Don't tell me that you forgot
How i walked down the aisle with my daddy
And my bouquet of forgot-me-nots
Remember that beautiful moment
When you looked deep into my eyes
You slipped the ring on my finger
And everyone started to cry
(male vocal)
That's when somebody ripped one
I think it was your uncle slim
It echoed so loud in the rafters
I thought the whole church would cave in
Then as the gas started spreading
Your mother passed out on the floor
The old bags were screaming and fainting
The crowd made a dash for the door
thinking of you today
It does get easier, CM. Either that or you get more used to it, or something. Often these milestones feel like another layer of the onion. Another part of integrating everything.
I think that was the one hope I clung to, when nothing made sense. People who had reason to know, told me it would get easier, in time. And I believed them. I had to. I had to believe SOMETHING at that point!
The sadiversaries are still tough, seems like either the lead-up to the day is hard and the actual day is not as bad as expected, or else, if it sneaks up on ya, then its a whammy of a day.
Da Yooper and I got such a short time together. And there is no fixing that, in this lifetime. We met in 1967, saw each other last in 1968, were kept apart by the inevitable math of young ages divided by 400 miles, and eventually went on separate paths for 32 years.
We both felt we had "paid our dues" and we were hoping, even though we were each nearing 50 when we married, that we might have 50 years together. We both come from families where many have lived well into their 90s, so it seemed like an attainable goal.
TAKING YOU HOME
By: Don Henley
I had a good life
Before you came
I had my friends and my freedom
I had my name
Still there was sorrow and emptiness
'Til you made me glad
Oh, in this love I found strength I never knew I had
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you home
There were days, lonely days
When the world wouldn't throw me a crumb
But I kept on believing
That this day would come
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you—home
Where we can be with the ones who really care
Home, where we can grow together
Keep you in my heart forever
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
Taking you home
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you home
Never heard the term. Very appropriate. Thanks for sharing your story Eags. I seen a version of that on the old Love American Style show.
I've used that Don Henley song for one of my montage videos of Amy & I and for her brother and his wife. It works well with a slideshow.
it sneaks up on ya, then its a whammy of a day
That's one thing I've noticed, I can't seem to control those whammy days. It's like "Where the hell did that come from?" I have lots of sneak-up-whammy moments, where it's real real bad for a minute or two, then it goes away just as fast as it came in. I have acid reflux and it reminds me of that feeling where the acid comes up into your throat when you least expect it. It sucks for a minute or two then it just goes away.
<edit> Like reading Kitch's post in the lyrics thread :frown:
I'm glad you still 'celebrate' the special days you had together. I've had other widowers that say it's best to ignore those dates because they only keep the pain alive. I disagree at this point as I feel it pays tribute to what you experienced together. Do you make a personal note to do something on his birthday, the day he died, other anniversaries etc?
I've always had a "calendar in my head" and an incredible memory for dates. I know that certain dates will always have meaning for me. Others can and should do as they believe is best for them, but I do better when I do at least something to acknowledge the day - the ritual and tradition of it feels right and helpful and comforting. In fact, I've had some of my worst days when I've been staying *too* busy and then it all catches up with me.
I'd rather accept whatever each days holds, feel it, and move through it.
And, as the person who loved him most in this life, I *want* to honor his memory, especially on days that were special or significant to us.
I think there is room for both: honoring the past, and looking to the future. I do think it is important to try to see the hope in tomorrow.
But there are times when grief has been paralyzing. At those times, I try to at least be facing in the right direction - forward. That way, when I am able to move again, I will be ready to move forward, and even if I fall, I might make some forward progress. In fact, it is often after some of my most painful times, that I have come out on the other side having experienced profound healing.
This morning, they took off for a favorite spot in a favorite park. Then they came back and told me -
They are engaged to be married!!! No date set yet.
After receiving that news, I stepped outside to find the first rose of the season blooming - on the rosebushes Da Yooper planted for me. They usually bloom on our anniversary. Blooming one day later this year made the first bloom on Drummer and Jen's engagement date! A nice little sign, I think.
I picture some farmer somewhere coming across my balloons in his field and reading them and wondering, WTH?
I have a friend who writes to her husband on those days, then has a fire in their firepit, sending the words up in smoke to him, is how she envisions it.
I miss her...
http://www.twincities.com/ci_6455472?IADID=Search-www.twincities.com-www.twincities.com
Won't she get more $$ if I go through you or her to purchase a copy OR would you prefer I pick one up at a local Barnes&Noble?
I would love a signed copy please.
Just tell me how much
But, my sister and I are going to handle it for now. We're working on getting firm prices set for hardcover and paperback. Surely can get a signed copy for you - no problem.
I'm keeping track of the requests and will let people know in a few days, of the details.
I guess I thought this *could* happen, but it is fun to see the interest this has generated in the book!